I (19M) need some advice about something that happened yesterday with a friend (19F) in my college friend group.
Last night I got really drunk—way more than I should have. She was a bit tipsy too, but not nearly as much as me. At some point, I impulsively kissed her. It caught her completely off guard, and she didn’t kiss back. Looking back, I realize I crossed a boundary and acted without thinking, which I feel really bad about.
Right after, I kept asking her if it was inappropriate and she said it wasn’t, just that she didn’t expect it. The next day I spoke to her properly and apologized. She said it’s okay, but that it will take some time for things to feel normal again.
Also, apparently when I was drunk, I told her I had a crush on her and liked her for a while. In the moment, I think I misread things and convinced myself there were signals, but looking back I think that was just me being drunk and overthinking.
She told me she’s not in a place to date right now, but said something like “if you’re okay to wait, you can,” and I agreed in that moment.
The thing is, sober me doesn’t actually feel that way. I think I just said things impulsively while drunk and overstated everything. I don’t see her romantically and I don’t want to lead her on or create more confusion.
Right now I feel really guilty and embarrassed, especially since we’re in the same friend group and I don’t want things to be awkward or make her uncomfortable. I also feel bad because even though I keep asking, she says it’s okay, and I don’t want to put pressure on her.
What’s the best way to handle this going forward so things can go back to normal without making things worse?
TL;DR: I (19M) got very drunk and impulsively kissed a friend (19F), which caught her off guard. I apologized and she said it’s okay but needs time. I also said I liked her while drunk, but I don’t actually feel that way. How do I fix things and get back to normal without making it worse?