He flew me out to visit and it felt like a bad dream
We've (29f, 36m) known eachother for about 2 years. After meeting off an app, he moved to a city a few hours away for a fellowship. I figured things would fade but for the greater part of the 2 years, we've talked all day, everyday. Occasionally, id get overwhelmed with work and he could be a bit needy so things would cool off but he was always persistent and we'd end up figuring things out. We'd try to make plans but both of us have hectic work schedules and I dont like driving in the city so our time spent in person has been limited. Albeit, we would talk on the phone often and constantly be sending pics back and forth.
He told me early on that he loved me and we often talked about the future. He's planning on moving back here in the summer. Anyways, to the plot ->
He was going to visit for the long weekend but was on call the day before and figured it would be cheaper/more logical to just fly me there. We've done overnights before so this was something I was comfortable with. He booked my tickets and we had a countdown all week and both just generally excited to have the time together.
He picked me up, everything was great, got some drinks/was all giddy at the store before going back to his. The next day was just a chill day and had dinner reservations later on. Beforehand things were cuddly and playful. We talked about coming back after dinner and continuing..
At dinner he seemed pretty quiet and was mostly just looking around. I kept trying to make conversation and engage but he seemed sortve withdrawn. I asked if everything was okay and he kinda rolled his eyes and said yeah. Got back, changed into something more comfortable, got us beers, watched movie. He asked me to give him a back and foot massage during so I did. I started falling asleep so we went to bed.
The night before we cuddled a bit after messing around but he said he ended up having nightmares which happens when he gets too hot. I was mindful of this so I did my best not to touch him and figured I'd leave the ball in his court. We didn't touch the whole night.
The next day, it felt like he was easily annoyed by me. I can be quite silly and had put my shoes so they were standing upright inside of his shoes- nothing serious, just for a laugh. When he saw this he kicked them out and said something about why I had to do that. It felt a little uneasy but we were still cuddling and such. I teased him about being hungry and having to wait until we got food to continue. I took a couple mins to change and he again seemed annoyed. We walked to the grocery store so I could get a snack. I tried holding his hand on the way but he pulled away. I grabbed a few things at the store, asked if he wanted anything. When I met him outside, he was frustrated that I had bought too much and we had to drop it back off before going to an arcade.
I was kinda getting whiplash from the mood changes so I hesitated when he asked me what I wanted to play and he seemingly was back to normal. We played games for a few hours and it seemed fine. We decided to go for a walk before our dinner reservations and ended up sitting at a park. We were light heartedly teasing each other about the games but then it felt more serious? I don't know. He got up to take a walk and I stayed sitting on the bench to give him a minute. It was quite awhile before he came back and he asked if I still wanted to go to dinner. I said we should just go back and order in as I wanted to warm up. I think he could tell I was a little upset at this point, and other than a chocolate bar, hadn't eaten in 24 hours.
We got back, I got in the shower to warm up and he asked if I wanted pizza through the door. I wasn't feeling it but I told him to go ahead and to just order me something on the side as i didn't want to annoy him anymore. I guess he didn't hear me and I just ended up finishing the snacks I bought earlier.
At one point, I must've been mindlessly brushing my hand against the wall and he told me not to touch it.
It felt like I was on eggshells at this point so I went and laid down in the other room. He came to bed after a few hours and was watching videos on his phone so I just moved to the couch to try to sleep. It felt less lonely than sleeping completely seperate in the same bed.
The next day, he slept late and I got up to get ready to go back to the airport. Things felt uncomfortable and we didn't talk. He dropped me off at the terminal without saying goodbye. Before I boarded, he texted me 'have a safe flight' and 'i guess that's it for us'. I just said thanks to which he responded with ':)'.
That was last night. What the fuck was that? I feel awful and don't want to leave bed. 2 years down the drain just like that. I feel crazy and can't stop going through it in my head. Did I do something wrong?