u/Imaginary_Fruit_7056

It’s the most self gaslighting shit ever… I’m getting better at telling the difference between my intuition and paranoid ideation but sometimes it feels indistinguishable and just straight confusing. Using DBT skills to reason with the spirals makes me feel like I’m gaslighting myself and I must actually be right. Everything feels like a conspiracy theory.

The one thing I’ve noticed is that if it’s intuition, even about something bad, it gives me a feeling of clarity and calm confidence and flavours my entire perception of the person (not splitting). If it’s paranoid ideation I am spiralling and going crazy and looking for subtle clues/evidence everywhere & hyper-vigilance will be off the charts. That seems to be the distinction… but it’s impossible to tell sometimes when I’m in it.

I have a crazy good intuition and can pick up almost psychically on the tiniest things about people and be accurate… AND… I also make up entirely fake stuff in my brain and be completely convinced it’s true. It’s mind boggling and sometimes I feel like I can’t trust my own perception at all.

Just a rant… my brain is exhausted. Advice welcome though if anyone is so inclined.

Edit: thank you everyone who took the time to respond <3! I am relieved and also intrigued to hear so many of you guys relate. I knew I was onto something lol. I see I rubbed a few people the wrong way with this post which I get depending on what your perspective is, I apologize if you're one of those people.. :) this post was from a place of curiosity that I can't really voice in real life lol

I know it’s a typical stereotype that people with BPD become extremely obsessed with people (which isn’t false in most contexts) but has anyone else noticed that other people find you irresistible?

I’m a woman and I’ve always received consistently extreme compliments from men and women. Like, people are always telling me I’m incredibly hot and alluring. I’ve had a lot of attention and a lot of men falling all over themselves trying to talk to me, lots of stalkers, men in relationships trying to risk it all to get with me. Of course the at validation has always been wonderful and addicting and I’d like to attribute it to my physical appearance and personality but I always had this little flag in my mind like WHY does that actually happen? And then I read that it’s actually a thing that a lot of people find us BPD‘ers very alluring, possibly because we mirror people and have an openness about us?

This is not a bragging post about attention btw so I apologize if anyone gets that vibe, I’m just curious how many of yall experience this too? As I’ve aged and matured I find it more unnerving than complimentary and makes me now think that a lot of those people likely had a predatory quality to them and could sense I have a vulnerability?

in my romantic relationships, yes - I am quite controlling, possessive , incredibly jealous (all things im working on) but it’s really not a one way street. I’ve found all of my partners have been very intensely fixated on me regardless of their attachment style, and I’ve been with secure, anxious, dismissive avoidant - they all seem to have a “eureka” moment where I’m their great love of their life… until I throw a wrench in the works. But that’s a whole other post lol. Some more context is I’m (mostly until I crash out) quiet BPD in my presentation. I have a fearful avoidant attachment style, so while I do cling and obsess and all that I also have an avoidant streak where I’d rather shut someone out or test them than spam message or call.

I’m thinking about this because I think it’s helpful to shed light on how dynamics with people who have BPD are often not always just: pwBPD & victim. Lmao.

If you relate I’d love to hear your experience!! :)