I (25F) am exhausted by my boyfriend’s (26M) constant criticism of my clothes. Is this a dealbreaker?
I really need some perspective.
Clothing has always been a major tension point in my relationship. For context, back in December, I wore a suit to a work party. When I showed my boyfriend, he claimed he could "see my nipples" (which wasn't true, I was wearing a padded bra). I finally snapped and set a hard boundary: I told him his comments knock my confidence and that we need to stop discussing my clothing choices entirely.
Things were "tame" for a few months, mostly just slight digs, until this past weekend, which was my 25th birthday. I threw a house party/BBQ for our close friends. I wore the Cherry Bakewell Nightie from Urban Outfitters with shorts and a crop top underneath, if you're interested.
I showed him the outfit the night before and he just said "okay." But an hour into my actual party, he followed me upstairs to tell me he didn't like it. He wasn't aggressive, but after months of this, I just burst into tears. I felt overwhelmed and trapped because everyone had already seen me in it, so I couldn't even change without it being weird.
The next day was my actual birthday. Instead of a nice day out, he spent the entire car ride telling me how I had hurt his feelings and triggered him by wearing that dress. I spent my birthday crying in the passenger seat. We moved on from it about mid day but the tension still lingered and it had an effect on how affectionate he was.
I’m only in my 20s once. I don’t want to spend them restricting what I wear to manage someone else’s insecurities. Even our mutual friends have started to notice and they hate this dynamic. How do I make him understand that this is a "me" choice, or is this just a fundamental incompatibility?
I do love him so much but after nearly 5 years I can't seem to make him understand my side that I'm not looking for attention and I just like to dress how I like to dress and that varies from a full blow suit to a baby doll dress.
Last thing to note is I am well aware this isn't the most modest thing I could wear, but I love Sabrina Carpenter and it made me feel so pretty. I'm not saying it wasn't a revealing outfit.
Thank you
TL:DR Boyfriend made me crying during my party and on my birthday regarding my outfit.