Am i the fool here?
I genuinely think my first love permanently changed something inside me.
Back in 11th grade, I was the typical sincere guy. Never chased girls, never got into relationships, stayed focused on studies and my own life. I used to think people who got emotionally destroyed over relationships were just dramatic.
Then I met her.
She was genuinely the prettiest girl I had ever seen. Not even exaggerating. And somehow without even talking much to her, I got attached.
But she already had a boyfriend, so I never crossed boundaries. I stayed quiet for months.
Then around September, I found out they broke up.
That’s when I finally gathered courage to text her.
At first she barely noticed me. I got rejected once too. But I stayed. I kept trying to be there for her, trying to make her smile, trying to become someone important in her life.
Eventually we got really close.
Late night talks. Personal conversations. Daily chats. The kind of bond that makes you think:
“Maybe this person is finally becoming yours.”
So I confessed again.
And this time she said yes.
I can’t even explain how happy I was during those 15 days. I used to stare at my phone smiling like an idiot just because her name popped up.
But then she suddenly told me:
“I still haven’t moved on from my ex.”
That one sentence shattered me but I still stayed because I loved her too much to leave.
A few days later she broke up with me over some random reason that honestly never even made sense.
Then she disappeared for weeks.
And after coming back, she told me:
“We’re better as friends.”
I should’ve walked away right there.
But instead, I stayed because I thought if I loved her enough, treated her better than anyone else, maybe someday she would choose me again.
That mindset ruined me.
While I was emotionally attached to one girl only, she kept giving mixed signals. Some days she acted close, some days cold. I was constantly anxious, overthinking every message, every reply, every small change in behavior.
Then came the final thing that completely broke my trust.
There was this guy from her past — let’s call him Arjun.
According to her, he had caused serious problems before. She told me he was obsessive, annoying, and things even reached the point of police involvement.
So naturally I believed her and thought she hated him.
Then one day in 12th grade, I found out she secretly went to meet him at a restaurant.
When I confronted her, she first lied about it.
Then she got angry at ME for asking questions.
That moment genuinely changed how I saw everything.
I realized I was sitting there fighting for someone who was never fully emotionally with me in the first place.
And the worst part?
Even after everything, I still couldn’t hate her.
That’s what first love does to you.
It turns you into someone who keeps trying to save a relationship long after the other person emotionally left it.