Loneliness
I genuinely hate the fact I go to a special ed school,I genuinely do. Like sure aye I've got a handful of mates from it and some that I've met through other people, and going on school events, plus college but it's still not enough for me to feel truly happy. Most the time when I ask one of them if they can go out with me ANYWHERE it always ends off with "oh I have to check in with so and so if I can" or "sorry I can't because so and so won't let me". Then I'm over here cooped up in my room like fucking always not being able to enjoy some time with them, it's absolutely miserable it really fucking is. Oh and don't give me the "start going to clubs" talk because I've tried going to some over the years and I never even had a chance to become pals with anyone because they were already in an established friend group. My special ed school has done nothing but make me feel isolated from mainstreamers,and when I do actually try becoming pals with any of them I ALWAYS get made out as that only awkward guy which I fucking hate. I'm sorry if I turned this into a full blown essay but I just needed to let this out.