Op(23 ) ex(28m) , bipolar ex continues to reach out post breakup claiming he wants me in my life but then being incredibly inconsistent and shutting me out. Only to repeat.
(If I could add more tags I would say also feeing sad and need support)
Hey, I’m posting here for support and to get some advice if anyone has gone through this.
I made a post easier this year about the breakup with my ex , I’ll link it up above.
TLDR: emotionally intelligent caring, loving and consistent bf pulls away and started shutting me out, not making time for me , snapping at me, ignoring plans made together and eventually “breaking up”with me over text and (dispite him saying he would reach out later that week to talk) vanished completely from my life.
Like I’ve said in the last post I’m not sure what type of bipolar he has , he never shared that with me. He is currently medicated but not in therapy.
About. 3/4 weeks after him breaking up with me over text he reached out over text. This was prompted by one of our acquaintances texting him (without my knowledge) and telling him he needed to give me closure because I deserved better.
He asked if we could meet to talk about what happened, I agreed and we set up a time. He failed to make that time , we set up another time he decided to go out with friends instead of making our meeting (that he wanted).
I told him over text when he didn’t show up and hours had passed that it felt like he was avoiding the conversation he wanted. He ended up sending me paragraph texts explaining why he had broken up with me then vanished for weeks, that he deeply regretted what he did, that shame prevented him from reaching out, that he was still in love with me. I won’t say what he did / what happened but it was very serious and hospitalization was involved.
We chatted a bit over text after he said those things , and he apologized for telling me he didn’t have energy for anyone and still hanging out with everyone but me. He told me it was because we were so close and he didn’t want me to see him in that state. He then told me he did in fact want to meet up and I told him that it was the last chance I was willing to give if he wanted to have a place in my life.
A week later we met up. Most of what I had wanted answered over text he had. He expressed he still had deep love for me and kept all the art I ever made him in a safe he even opened his wallet and showed me a drawing he still carried I had made him when we first started seeing each other.
However when I asked him questions about specific things that happened he would usually respond with “I don’t know” or something about how depressed he was. He wouldn’t take full accountability for how he made me feel , he even said straight up that he was scared to see how badly he hurt me and was worried I’d be mad when we met. He told me he wanted to try again in the future if we were both in good places mentally.
After that meeting we agreed to still check in over text messages. Our texting was incredibly on and off for the first month after our meeting, he would often not reply to my last text and weeks would lapse inbetween before he would hit me with the
“Hey. Hope you’re doing okay.”
Things started to amp up again when I was on a trip in April with friends. He was texting me updating me on a break in situation in his apartment and the court hearing. He then informed me that he was still in love with me but scared. I asked him why and he said he was scared of how I felt, how my friends felt about him now , his actions. That “it was a lot to handle.” He and I said we missed talking to each other. And I told him no contact wasn’t something I had wanted to begin with I still cared for him and wanted him in my life.
After that he told me he would like to meet up and catch up , I told him I’d be open to that and happy to. He also said he would like to rebuild a friendship with healthy communication, even if it was complicated. After that the texting was consistent for the most part but then he suddenly stopped talking once again.
Recently :
Two weeks passed ; during that time I came to the realization that, I may have been getting attached to the hits of dopamine the breadcrumbing he was giving me the inconsistency. Dispite that it was still talking a mental toll on me making me question if he really wanted any kind of relationship with me if he was comfortable vanishing in and out of my life. Like they say words with no actions mean nothing.
HE texted me again last Monday
“Just checking in. Hope you’re okay.”
I haven’t replied, because I’ve been wondering if the best course of action now would be to just let it go and step back, not reply. Or if I should be direct with him and tell him that this isn’t healthy for me and if he cannot be a consistent presence in my life it would be best for us to part ways.Wondering if anyone else has dealt with this back and forth from a bipolar so post breakup ?