I confessed to my friend and now everything is confusing?
Hello everyone! this is my first post on reddit, and English isn’t my first language, so please be kind ❤️
I think I’m going through some sort of existential crisis right now and desperately need a reality check. I’m also fully open to hearing that I’m the asshole in this situation.
For some background: me (18F) and “Katy” (18F) (fake name) are freshmen in college together.
Ever since college started, I noticed that she kind of attached herself to me. She would always sit next to me, randomly start conversations, and generally seek me out. By the end of the first semester, we had become friendly, although we never really hung out outside of classes.
At some point during one of our conversations, she mentioned that she likes girls. I don’t know whether she’s lesbian or bisexual. I told her that I’m bi too, and we never really discussed it again.
As time passed, we started talking a lot more and occasionally hanging out after class. We were also part of the same friend group, so we spent a lot of time together.
Around the beginning of March, I realized I was thinking about her way more than I should. I started drawing her, checking her social media obsessively, and blushing around her. Somehow, despite knowing I like women, I still didn’t immediately realize I had feelings for her.
At the time, I also had a boyfriend (18M). We were long distance, which is probably part of why I ignored my feelings for Katy for so long. I also generally don’t like the idea of dating classmates or coworkers, so I tried to suppress everything.
By mid-April, though, I finally admitted my feelings to myself. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend for multiple reasons, and Katy was definitely one of them.
Around that time, me and Katy started hanging out constantly - around 2-3 times a week. We also started having sleepovers almost every week.
Right after my breakup, I told her about it, although I never admitted she was one of the reasons. Honestly, I probably didn’t even sound sad about the breakup because I wasn’t.
A few days later, she came over for another sleepover, and we got drunk. I wasn’t planning to confess, but alcohol happened.
At one point, she started talking about a girl she used to have a crush on. She sounded completely over it, but I suddenly got jealous and blurted out:
“Can you keep a secret?”
She said yes, and I told her: “I like you.”
She started laughing nervously (which she does a lot), and after a few minutes, she pulled me closer to her. We cuddled for around 20 minutes.
Eventually I said, “You never answered me,” meaning she never actually told me how she felt.
She immediately replied in a playful tone: “And what do you think?”
I took that as her liking me back. After that, we fell asleep.
The next morning, we woke up at the same time. I was scrolling through TikTok while she snuggled up to me and rested her head on my shoulder. She was being very physically affectionate.
After a few hours, I finally said: “We should probably talk.”
She went quiet for several minutes, blushing and laughing nervously again. Then she said something along the lines of: “Me too.”
I didn’t push her. A little later, she added: “I mean, I already had thoughts about this, but…”
I asked, “What kind of thoughts?”
She answered: “I think you already know what kind.”
But she never clarified further.
At that point, I could tell she was struggling to talk about it, so I dropped the subject. Later, she told me she needed time to think, and then she left.
Three days later, she asked me to hang out between classes. We sat down in a park, and she suddenly said:
“I’m sorry for making you wait for this. I know it’s unfair, but I needed time to think.”
Then she sighed and told me: “You’re a really good friend, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
Honestly, I kind of saw it coming because she had been distant during those three days.
I asked whether there was a more specific reason, and she said no. She also said she didn’t want anything between us to change, and then we moved on to another topic.
I should also mention that Katy is generally a very nervous and emotionally reserved person. Even before all of this happened, I noticed that she tends to avoid stressful or emotionally vulnerable conversations, especially about relationships or feelings. So part of me understands why she reacted the way she did.
At the same time, though, it’s been three weeks since our conversation, and I’ve also noticed that she seems more withdrawn in general, not just with me.
There was one moment that especially stuck with me. One day, she went to the bathroom during class, and when she came back, her eyes looked glassy and red, like she had been crying. She stayed like that for the rest of the day. I asked her multiple times if she was okay, but she insisted she was just feeling sick because she had eaten something bad. Maybe that was true, but honestly, it didn’t really seem like it to me.
What made it harder was the way she kept looking at me. She had this expression like she wanted comfort or help, but every time I tried to check on her, she pushed me away. And honestly, that’s something she’s always done, both before and after my confession - she’s really bad at accepting help or letting herself be emotionally vulnerable around people.
It’s now been three weeks since that conversation.
Since then, I’ve invited her to hang out after class at least three times. Either she says no immediately, or she agrees and then cancels later.
What confuses me is that she still acts incredibly attached to me in person.
She specifically sits next to me, greets me first in the group, hugs me for a little too long, stares at me constantly, asks for my help, and signs up for group projects with me.
So I genuinely don’t understand what’s happening.
If she only sees me as a friend, why doesn’t she want to spend time with me outside of class anymore?
But if she DOES like me back, then why say I’m “just a friend”?
At this point, I’m honestly exhausted and confused. I miss her romantically, but I also genuinely miss our friendship.
I don’t even necessarily need a relationship anymore - I just want clarity, or at least an honest conversation.
Did she like me and panic? Was I misreading everything? Is she trying to distance herself while still staying emotionally attached?
I really don’t know what to do anymore.
TL;DR: I confessed to my close female friend, and her reaction made me think she liked me back too. A few days later, though, she told me she “wasn’t looking for a relationship right now.” Since then, she avoids hanging out with me outside of class, but still acts emotionally attached in person.