r/Friendzone

So for the past 2-3 years my friendship with my best friend hasn’t been the same. She hasn’t prioritized our friendship like she used to. Summers we would always be on the beach and now for the past couple of years she’s canceled and I probably only see her 2-3 times a year. She has had issues with her husband not being faithful so I feel like she has to spend a lot of her time with him to make sure he isn’t doing anything he shouldn’t be doing. I remember when they separated I took her flowers and food to cheer her up and then one night we were out and he showed up and she basically dumped me to hang out with him. So she’s male centered for sure which I am not. Especially when it comes to men who are unfaithful anyways. She took on some side income because her husband doesn’t get the hours he was which I think he lies about being at work and he is at someone’s house. Why do I think this because she had his location and it was at a residence for hours but she was too naive to believe that he would cheat on her again. So for the past years she’s prioritized just about everything over me but when it comes to pet sitting she will reach out. When it comes to me going over and checking on her dogs if she’s gotta work both jobs she will text me. Last week was the final straw for me. We made plans to go to the beach on Thursday. An hour before we were going to go she texted me to cancel just like the pattern she’s been doing. She said we could go tomorrow and I said okay. I received no further communication from her since then. She has completely avoided me. So the advice I need is what would you do? I definitely don’t feel emotionally safe with her anymore. So do I even bother to tell her or just block her and move on with my life?

I(M) used to be buddies with a girl throughout high school and toward the end of our senior year, we started to like each other but she was dating someone at the time and she was also heading out of town for college. We got together for about a week after graduation but she broke it off because she didn't see the point in getting close if she was going to leave. We used to hang out with a group friends for months leading up to June, and after she broke it off, they stopped inviting me to things. She made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me following all of that.

5 years pass and during that time, I got a long-term girlfriend. The aforementioned girl and I would exchange a word every now and then throughout that time frame but it wasn't anything more. My long-term relationship ended about 3 months ago. I don't really use Discord, but I'm in a server with a majority of the old friends that were part of my old group. Early June, one of those friends asked if I had a girlfriend and I said not anymore. Late June, this girl reached out to me and asked if I wanted to go rollerblading with the old group.

At the rink, she had asked me about my breakup and wanted to make sure I was doing okay because she had gone through one about a year ago. As I went around, I put an AirPod in and she saw this, asking me if I was listening to The Strokes or The Symposium. I was caught off-guard because The Symposium is a pretty small band compared to The Strokes, and she even mentioned one of their songs. I wondered how she knew about them and I remembered that sometime in April, I posted my playlist on Discord for anyone to listen.

We all carpooled and as we sat next to each other on the drive back to our friend's apartment, she told me she was glad I came and said she was having a great time. We hung out for a few hours more and I left. I thought it'd be a one-and-done sort of thing, but 2 days later, she invites me to a 4th of July hangout. I went, but I feel like it was more of a friend vibe from her.

I'm confused because for years she kept her distance and even said she was okay with our friendship ending. Now, she's checking on me, inviting me to things, and including me again. She's the type of person to want to ensure that everyone is doing good, but I don't understand why she placed this responsibility on herself to make sure that I was doing good after all of this time. Am I reading too much into it?

TLDR: I had mutual feelings with a close female friend in high school, but she was in a relationship and leaving for college, so things ended after about a week. Afterward, she distanced herself, and I felt pushed out of our friend group. Five years later, after my long-term relationship ended, she unexpectedly invited me to two group hangouts, checked on me about my breakup, knew about my niche music, and was glad I was there. I didn't get much of a romantic vibe, but I am confused as to why someone who seemed okay letting our friendship end is suddenly making an effort to include me again after all of this time. Am I reading too much into it?

I (M20) got with this girl at my college (F20) after she had just gotten out of a relationship. Supposedly she had been giving me hints about her wanting me for about a month. I have been plotting on her for months. She is a great person and I’ve wanted this for a while. However, I was always respectful of her relationship and she was the one who made the first move. We got together at school and then went home for the semester. 2 weeks later she comes and stays at my house and we have sex multiple times, and start talking about a plan to eventually become serious. It seems that the feelings are the same and that we’re both on the same page with being serious. I had real feelings for her and saw something serious with her. She goes home for the summer and we start talking and FaceTiming regularly for about a month. All of a sudden she’s dry out of no where and then boom I get the friendzone text. Turns out she never saw me as more than a friend, but went along with everything because she was overwhelmed(from just getting out of a relationship) and wanted to protect my feelings. She still really values me as a person and as a good friend but not more than that. Here’s the problem: we are both on the same sports team in college and do the same events, so I want to avoid things becoming awkward and still be friends with her. But, I am deeply hurt by what happened and it’s gonna take a while until I can be friends with her because I still have feelings for her. How do I go about this?

As I type this we are laying in bed watching glee her head is in my lap and I am playing with her hair.

My bff and I began really connecting on a deeper level about two years ago. We see each other almost daily and have sleepovers often as we live so close but we don't get sick of each other. We communicate clearly and effectively when issues arise and it is genuinely one of the healthiest relationships I have had with another person. My love language is physical touch and we are very affectionate with one another and often cuddle in bed.

She is bisexual and I am queer as well with a larger preference for women than her. She is a a casual hookup type of person and is often in some sort of situation with a man. She has no experience with women and my only experience is with my ex best friend of 6 years which ended terribly and really messed with my head.

We get the classic "never beating the allegations" jokes but we each have been asked if we are genuinely dating. It's a joke between us especially since about two months ago she told me she had a sex dream where I was performing on her which invoked one for myself. It's a funny thing between us but I feel like there have been moments where we are not entirely joking. We were speaking the other day about how we've kissed friends in the past and realised we hadn't and since realising it's come up quite a few times in conversation. We are very often in compromising positions with one another especially in the mornings while half asleep. We've even gone to a sex shop together to get vibrators and looked at the straps while we were there.

Yesterday I met up with her after she had a sleepover with a mutual friend we haven't seen in a while. While she was in the bathroom our mutual and I were talking and she let slip that by bff mentioned there was a moment in time where she was mulling over whether she had feelings for me. I'm now so conflicted because I've been thinking about it for a while, and she hasn't really been not seeing anyone for longer than a week or two so I'm not sure when it could have been.

Due to poor mental health I have become isolated from most people but her so I'm worried about losing her presence and support in my life. My main concern is keeping her in my life but I am struggling to suppress how I'm beginning to feel about her.

Any and all advice welcome 🙏

This is definitely going to be TLDR but I’m super conflicted and need advice. I went on a date with a guy last year probably around August. He went out of his way to pick me up and drop me off. Had a great time and connected with him but he was younger which I’m usually not a fan of and I had the gut feeling he was lying and misrepresenting himself (been cheated on a lot so this could be more of a trauma response). He asked me out on a second date and said he was picking me up and made reservations for a place I’d told him I liked on the first date. I was hesitant but agreed bc I really appreciated the effort and I want to date someone like that. When I woke up to get ready he had texted me wanting to ask about something. He’d just moved to town a few weeks prior and his roommate’s gf was throwing a house warming kick back. He asked if we could do that instead. I said it was too soon for me to meet his friends (and I was thrown off bc I liked the initial effort and was concerned that he was just trying to get me near his bed). The next day he asked me if I was free to get together and I never responded. Fast forward to April and I’m in another state for work weeding out old contacts and accidentally call him. I send him a text saying it was an accident and I apologized. He started a convo and we caught up. Turns out he was going to be picking up shifts where I worked previously and was coming back to work at (I’m a travel nurse and he’s an EMT). Jokes were made about me being out of state and no one being able to come visit. More jokes were made and he ended up flying to see me. The first night he made a move and I shut it down bc he wants kids and I don’t plus the age thing and honestly I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him. He said he was good with being friends. Every morning he’d come climb in my bed and pull me close to cuddle but never anything more. A couple of times he tried to kiss me but he respected when I said no. He told me I check a ton of boxes for someone he would want to date. But swore he was fine with just friends. I pointed out that future partners would never be okay with our friendship and he said he would end it with them if they weren’t okay with me. He had to fly back a day early and kind of ghosted me for a day or two. I was mad that he didn’t even let me know he made it home safely so I blew up at him and told him I was going to block him (I’m an unhealed individual I know). He didn’t want to block me and wanted to be friends. I said no and if we saw each other at work that we’re strangers to each other. He told me he wanted to say one last thing before I blocked him which was basically that I was a very unique individual and he hoped I never change for someone else. It was really sweet so I didn’t block him but we didn’t speak. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I’m about to come home and I accidentally call him again (thanks Siri). He called me back immediately and then text me when I didn’t answer. Told him it was an accident and of course we start talking again. I was going through some health issues with my mom and he was supportive and checked in on her as well as me. We were talking one night and he said he was coming to see me that night as a joke but at some point says “I’m serious I’m coming” but then doesn’t. I was disappointed but it started as a joking conversation. Basically he ghosted me after that. Then a friend/coworker asked me to go on a double date with her and two EMTs. I told her I couldn’t and she says “it’s for the best bc I just found out you already know him”. Turns out it was the guy. He said it was for the best that they not blindly pair us up because we know each other and it ended badly. I was furious bc I hadn’t felt I did anything to him so I texted him angrily bc now two coworkers know that we’re acquainted which I’d wanted to avoid. He never responded to the angry text (valid) but when I walk into work the next day he’s one of the first people I see. I had gotten him a small gift previously and it was in my car so I put it in the break room and told him he could grab it if he came back in. He said thank you and asked me to lunch. I declined. Then the friends that were seeing each other were trying to push us to date. He and I ended up on a phone call and I told him that and he said “I don’t know how you feel about it but I really care about you….” And I cut him off there. They tried to suggest we all hang out and he immediately said yes but I said no. Then he and I started talking daily. He FaceTimed me when he was out drinking with his friends and introduced me to them. Still talking daily but I’m kind of mean. Finally we decide to actually squash the previous bad blood. The next night he went out drinking with them he FaceTimes me again and kind of joked “you’re my gf right?”. Obviously not. It was sweet that he was thinking of me and I started softening up and I was going to ask him to meet up in a day or two and tell him I was interested. At the end of the night his friend adds me on Snapchat and immediately sends me a video and multiple pics of him trying to pick up a girl. I’m hurt but I also have no claim on this man. Then his friend starts trying to tell me that the guy told him he would never consider dating me seriously because I have too much baggage and the friend could have me. Told me a lot of other things too and apparently the guy has been sharing a lot of details of things happening between us with him. I told the guy that I basically didn’t want to speak to him again. He doesn’t respond. We end up on a call talking about everything including the stuff with the friend. He swears it’s not true and he’s trying to figure out what to do. My biggest question in all this is “what do you want from me?” He says he wants to be friends and in the same sentence says his biggest regret is that he didn’t go on the second date with me last year and it’s all he thought about when he visited me. I ask “just friend’s?” And then he’s like “is that what you want?” We keep talking and he asks what I would want in my perfect world. I am so completely honest (super hard for me to be vulnerable) and tell him I like him a lot but I’m not sure if it’s just as friends but also I’m not sure if I’m sexually attracted to him. (The most we’ve ever done is kiss). He doesn’t respond to that at all. So I get angry again bc he asked how I felt and I was honest just to get ignored. It’s been messy from there but now he’s firm on staying friends even when I say we should end things entirely. We keep talking and I jokingly tell him he can say he’s not attracted to me. He said I’m objectively attractive but he’s not attracted to me (despite joking in the past that his friends would never believe it if we dated bc I’m too hot for him, called me beautiful, etc). So now I’m even more confused. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what he wants. I don’t think there’s any outcome where I don’t get hurt and I’d love any insight into what yall think he’s trying to do or what I should do.

so I am a highschooler and last october i met this girl who is a year younger than me. At first I didn't really like her or think much of her but after a month i started liking her. After a few weeks of talking, I found out that she was talking to one of my friends, so I waited it out a bit. Then, after I found out they stopped talking, I started talking to her more again, and we got close. Fast forward to february, I find out that she was talking to another one of my friends, so again, I waited it out. At this point, I was extremely sad and my feelings still stayed and they even managed to get stronger because she was still talking to me but I knew she had feelings for my friend.

once she went on vacation and I was crying almost every night because I was so attached to her and i was sad and almost didn't celebrate my birthday because of that.

I don't know if this is a first love or just a very intense crush but i genuinely could not lust over her (I didnt have the intention to anyways), it seemed so so so pure and every time i walked in a classroom and saw her, I would smile automatically. Once, she sent me a message and I was blushing so hard that my cheeks started hurting. Looking back, we spent a lot of time talking to eachother, at one point, i think we sent 60,000 messages on instagram in less than a month (we were like best best friends). We did everything together and she made so many "first memories" with me.

Now, summer break, I find out that she stopped liking my friend, and we also got a lot closer. However, I was scared that she would like someone else so I told myself "going into next school year, I have to date her so I can have peace of mind while I do the IB program." So, I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend.

She said no (she said she wasn't going to date in highschool but she also mentioned that she had no feelings for me and she saw me as a friend the whole time, which i kind of see now)

I still want to be her friend because i want her to be in my life but i feel like I would genuinely die if i saw her with another guy.

What should I do?? I still really like her but im just really confused right now.

Is this even a first love or am i just crazy??

I'm 22M and she's 21F. We are classmates and have been close friends for about a year. I had a crush on her, but before I could tell her how I felt, she got into a relationship with another guy without me knowing. Since then, I find it difficult to talk to her or even be around her because it hurts.

My question: How do I move on while still seeing her in class every day without making things awkward?

How can I tell whether I’m developing romantic feelings for my best friend or if I’m just emotionally attached because he supported me through a difficult time? and
What signs would help me distinguish between romantic attraction and emotional dependence?

i’ve been best friend with him since 2 years and i’ve never seen him in a romantic way ever, actually i’m always joking about him being gay. I’ve put him on with multiple of my friends and it never bothered me. But recently i noticed that i was thinking about him frequently, i will make efforts to keep the conversation going, i would try my best to spend most of my time with him and i would be annoyed if one of our mutual friends would tag along with us. tbh, i’m a possessive person and the way i acted with him wasn’t different from the way i acted with my female best friend. The thing that makes me confused is how i kinda seek his validation.

Maybe it’s bc he’s a man and i don’t have anything romantic going on at the moment but sometimes i would get happy if someone mistakes us for a couple. Something important to mention is that 2025 was a rough year for me and a lot happened and he was really there for me so i was thinking i was just really emotionally dependent on him in a unhealthy way that made me clingy. I don’t know if i see him as a paternal/male figure in my life or if i actually like him.

I don’t feel like i like him but my reasoning is that if you have a doubt about something it means there’s no doubt to have. If i was certain i didn’t like him i wouldn’t question myself.

I don’t really have anyone to talk about to bc everyone thinks me and him like each other and me opening up about my confusion would just make those rumors worse. not gonna lie , even if i come to the conclusion that i like him i would NEVER confess. bc i know i’m not his type and he doesn’t find me attractive. and he’s a very conventionally attractive guy who is liked by girls (my opposite tbh i wouldn’t say i’m not conventionally pretty but i’m just not that outstanding and i’ve never had a boyfriend or a real flirt that lasted more than a week)

Maybe that’s the reason why i want his approval. Mind you he’s an easy man, i think i’ve heard him at least once tell me about every girl we know that she was pretty or he had a crush on her. except me. i mean he’s not supposed to have a crush on me or something but i guess since he’s the only guy in daily life i want him to say i’m pretty or sum.

when i’m with him, i’m my usual self and i don’t really feel weird or anything. we be making “flirty jokes” but first we both do it all the time with everyone, it’s our friendgroup’s humor i would say and second i don’t really feel anything when we jokingly flirt. i can’t really picture myself with him in a romantic way but idk if it’s bc i’m in denial or bc i rlly see him as my friend.

Throughout our whole friendship, i’ve sometimes ask myself about that but really vaguely. those days i see my behavior changing so that’s why i’m questioning myself more.

idk this situation is really weird and i don’t think i’m actually in love or falling for him but i need an external opinion. i’ve tried my best to put all my emotions and thoughts about this situation but it’s a bit messy. hope i will find an answer. thanks for everyone who has taken their time to read that message.
Has anyone experienced something similar, and how did you figure out whether it was friendship or romantic feelings?

I (20m) don’t know how I feel about my friend, and it seems like they (20f) might also not know — in a romantic sense. I’ve worked with Sara since high school at our part time job, but we’ve become better friends this year. I’ve always thought she was cool, but for some reason her vibe towards me rly felt like it shifted a couple of months ago, and it seemed like she was being more flirty. Maybe it’s cuz I’ve always thought she was beautiful, but this vibe shift made me start to have odd feelings for her. They’re odd bc they’re so intense but idk what it is. I think about her so often. I love hearing her laugh and seeing her smile. But idk if I actually have feelings for her or if her recent want to get closer has just made me this way. And if I do have feelings for her it’s complicated bc I don’t know what I would want to do.

It’s complicated for a few reasons. First, bc I’m moving soon. Idk what relationship if any we’d want to have would fit in that timeframe, or she might not be looking for a casual thing. Second, bc my friend has had feelings for her in the past. I feel like I can’t do anything with Sara w/o hurting my friend. Third, she’s a friend I don’t want to lose a friend. Fourth, I can’t tell at all what she’s thinking.

What should I do, how do I go about this??

（18M, 18F）We met through one of our classes and barely knew each other at first. Near the end of the semester, I told him I liked him. He seemed genuinely surprised and even asked me more than once if I was serious.

Instead of distancing himself after finding out, he was the one who reached out and added me on social media. He also told me he wanted to get to know me, so I naturally thought he was open to seeing where things might go.

We spent a few hours hanging out together and had a really good conversation. Afterward, I asked if he’d like to hang out again, and he immediately agreed. We even started making plans for what we could do together.

Later, after I expressed my feelings more clearly and shared what I was hoping for, he took some time to think and told me that he couldn’t see us in a romantic relationship and hoped we could just be friends. After that, we gradually stopped talking.

I’m not upset with him because he was honest, and he never came across as someone who was playing games or intentionally leading me on. That’s actually why I’m still confused.

（Just confuse）Why would someone actively choose to get to know someone after learning that person liked them, only to later decide they only wanted friendship?

（For a little more context, he’s generally a very quiet and reserved person and didn’t seem to have much experience interacting with girls. I don’t know if that changes anything, but I thought it might be relevant.）

I’m not looking for false hope or trying to convince myself that he secretly liked me. I’ve accepted what he told me. I’m simply trying to understand his perspective, because I still don’t fully understand what was going through his mind.

Had great sex with this guy (a family friend) also shared intimate moments then he decides he wants to be just friends as he enjoys life on he's own. I think about it and decide I actually love he's personality so would like to be friends. I have initiated every bit of contact since. All i get back is short messages to the point or just reactions on my messages. Sent him a picture of me and my friends with the caption wish you was here bestie. He just put a heart reaction on it so i stopped initiating contact and haven't heard anything from him at all in weeks. Did he ever really want to be friends. Why do guys do this, if they don't see it going further just say so. Now I feel I have lost a lover and a friend.

No romantic feelings, no hidden intentions, just a normal friendship. Do you think it's possible? Why or why not?

https://preview.redd.it/9979r9y8wyah1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=ab2b1495b1a135f6c0c3de793aa92fd89193c07c

In my defense, the burger really was basically free

Is it worth it asking a guy friend who you've been friends with for many years to be your boyfriend? Or do you think the friendship is at risk since if you break up you could also lose them as a friend forever?

Or do you think it's best to meet new people to date?

Hi guys this is my first post I dont really use reddit but could really use an outside perspective. I’m 16M and a few months ago I met this girl through mutual friends online. An important preface to this is that the reason we became close is because her friends tried setting up a 3 man w me and my mates, but that didn't end up happening as the mate that was set up with her didn't really like her like that. Her mate liked me, but I didn't like her like that. So because of that we would be texting each other about how its going, and then we got really close really quickly we would basically call almost every day for around 2 hours, text constantly, send each other reels, and even went to the movies just the two of us. Her friends used to tease us about being together, so I genuinely started thinking she might like me. Then she started talking a lot about another guy, who she knows likes her, and she’d tell me everything about him. I eventually told her how I felt, and she rejected me really kindly, saying she’d only ever seen me as a friend and hoped we could stay friends. I told her I needed a little space, but after about two weeks we naturally started talking again and it went straight back to how it was before, long calls, constant texting, sending reels, everything. The problem is that my feelings came back just as strong. My brother told me I was basically acting like her boyfriend without actually being her boyfriend, giving her all the attention, emotional support and time while she got all the benefits of a relationship without having to date me, and I honestly don’t know if he’s right. She still does things that confuse me like sending me reels first, calling me sometimes, liking my shirtless Instagram story, and occasionally choosing to talk to me over hanging out with her friends, but I know none of that necessarily means she’s changed her mind because she already rejected me. I genuinely think this is the first girl I’ve ever loved. I imagined us together, dating, introducing her as my girlfriend, everything. I even had a dream the other night where she texted me saying she’d changed her mind, and when I woke up I actually believed it for a few seconds before I realised it wasn’t real. A few days ago I finally told her I’d really tried to see her as just a friend but I couldn’t get rid of my feelings, so I needed some space. She completely understood and said she’d be there if I ever needed to talk. Now it’s the next day and I miss her so much that every part of me wants to message her. I don’t even know what I’d say,I really just miss talking to her. Did I do the right thing by taking space? Has anyone actually managed to stay close friends with someone they were in love with? Is my brother right that I was giving boyfriend level attention in a friendship?

Hello everyone, I really do not know what to do and because everybody I have asked have given me so many different and confusing answers I’m now turning to you, people on Reddit because I don’t know what else to do, heres the deal:

I (16F), have a best friend (16M). We have been best friends for the last ten years and he is one of the few close friends I have, He knows me better than almost anyone, is one of the only p that understands me and makes me feel like I could really be myself and I believe he is the most amazing person ever.

But a couple of weeks ago he wrote me a letter, it was a letter in which he declared he love for me, that he believes he loves me more than just as a friend,he made it very clear that it was the first time he ever felt that way and didn’t really know how to explain or put labels on his feelings and he in no way at all wanted to put pressure on me in having to respond, but I want to because I feel he deserves to know how I feel and all tough I have never been in love either and don’t know how you’re supposed to feel, I unfortunately believe I love him to. He gave the letter to me on the last day of school and next year we won’t be attending the same school after nearly ten years of being in the same class. now it has been a couple of weeks in witch I’ve really thought about what to say and do but I’m still not sure and as I’m seeing him again in a few days I’m starting to panic, so now I asking, Is it worth trying to date your best friend.

And before you answer here are some more information that makes the situation even more complicated, yay:

We both have twin sisters, And we all are really good friends and have been since forever. His sister was my first friend and for a really long time me, my sister and her were and inseparable trio, today I would say though that I’m equally close to both of them. And my only other friend is best friends with him, so this means that by dating him I’m putting all of my friendships at risk, and possibly ruining them for my sister as well as possibly making them feel awkward when we all hang out, but honestly most importantly it feel like a betrayal to his sister, could I really do that to her, could I really go and date my best friends sister? I don’t think so but I really need help in what to do, please tell me down below, Thanks in advance//

What is the actual difference between friendship and lovers? To be honest I just don't get it. Maybe it's because my past experience when I always had multiple female friends furthermore sometimes even had sleepovers with some of them (no we haven't had sex) and anytime I said that I want something more I was told "you're just a friend". Is really love just friendship but with sex stuff?