r/Friendzone

I think my boyfriend’s friend that is a girl has a crush in him and is/has been plotting on him.

For context my boyfriend (18) and i(18) have been dating for over a year and have talked on and off for two-three years before dating. He met his girl best friend about a year before i ever met him.

He never mentioned her when we started talking until the last time we talked before i ghosted him for a few months. When he mentioned her she was brought up as his childhood friend and the only friend he likes to hang out with. She was also the girl he’s gone the farthest with. (Before me) which is already a very grey area. And even more background info on that is he dint even tell me it was her, i figured it out myself after we started dating. My bf use to be an addict and she is still actively an addict. That is how they bonded and became such good friends to begin with. I soon found out that she dosesnt have much friends either and the friends she does have are men. My bf had said himself that “she cant ever keep friends that are girls”. Which if you’re a girl yk exactly why.

My bf only smokes weed now and that is what they do when they hang out. Just smoke and get high. They dont ever do anything else as far as im aware.

Now the reason why i think she wants him or is plotting on him is that she comes to him about everything. Whenever her shitty boyfriends leave her she comes running to MY bf. She talks to my bf about her sex life and what she likes and to me that shit is weird to tell your guy friend. She seeks comfort and support in him which to me feels more than just friendly comfort that shes craving. Her boyfriends usually dont let her be friends with my bf but they talk behind her boyfriends backs anyways.

I dont know if i sound jealous or paranoid but it makes me rather uncomfortable. I trust my bf because i know he loves and cares deeply for me. I’ve also never met or spoke to his girl best friend in over a year of us dating. Let me know your opinion!

Edit: If i asked him to stop being her friend he would but i wouldnt make it stop unless it turned into something weird but atp i wouldnt break up with him immediately because i do not fuck with cheaters

I (early 20s M) developed feelings for one of my closest female friends and now I genuinely don’t know if I should confess, disappear for a while, or just force myself to move on quietly.

When I first met her, I just thought she was beautiful. Nothing but a harmless crush. We met through mutual friends, and we always met/talk when the grp was meeting or in the grp chat. One day I sent her a post accidentally nd that’s when we started talking. Later down the line I asked her to hang out, she said let’s do it nd I told her I haven’t asked the grp yet to which she said “no I don’t want u to call them”, I thought ok no harm in two friends going out , but later on it developed into hundreds of other hangouts with just the two of us, after we started actually spending time together alone, I realized we clicked insanely well. Our conversations never felt forced, awkward, or draining. We could talk for hours without even noticing time passing.

Over time she started opening up to me emotionally. I became the person she would talk to about both happy and sad things happening in her life. Because I’m a very closed off person nd a girl was caring for me so much, I became emotionally invested very fast. I started noticing every time something was wrong with her, trying to cheer her up, helping her whenever she needed something, etc.

At one point she was feeling homesick, and I literally cooked her favorite food for her, I don’t cook for others. I realized afterward that I was treating her differently than I treat basically everyone else in my life.

The problem is since we talk a lot, ik she wud never like me in that sense, nd recently she told me she is into someone else as well.

There was one moment where she left me standing alone to go sit with a friend of mine, and seeing how happy she looked with him genuinely hurt me more than I expected. That’s when I realized I was way deeper into this emotionally than I admitted to myself.

The thing is, she never actually led me on. I never confessed my feelings, so from her perspective we were probably just really close friends. She also genuinely cared about me as a person, which honestly made it harder to detach.

I tried distancing myself before by deactivating social media for a while because I knew I was getting attached, hoping that hot girls don’t pay attention that much, but she reached out to me on text. I also tried talking to other women and using dating apps, but I kept losing interest because mentally I was still stuck on her.

Now I’m at the point where I feel emotionally exhausted. Staying close to her is making me fall deeper, but I also don’t want to hurt her by randomly disappearing.

Part of me wants to send a long confession just so I can finally be honest and move on. Another part of me thinks that’s selfish because she probably already likes someone else and it might just emotionally dump everything onto her for no reason.

The third option is just quietly logging out of everything and disappearing for a few months so I can detach and stop emotionally revolving around her.

Has anyone been in a situation where distance was the only thing that actually helped? Or is disappearing without saying much a terrible idea? Nd if you have a different suggestion or perspective as to what shud be done, im all ears.

So I (mid-20s M) finally hooked up with one of my friends (mid-20s F) that I’ve had feelings for / flirted with for a long time. And now I feel weird as hell afterward and can’t tell if I’m overthinking or if this is actually a bad sign.

For context, she’s told me before that she has a habit of ghosting guys after sex because of past experiences and complicated feelings around men and intimacy. She’s also talked before about feeling conflicted about sex in general and how she sometimes feels like she keeps putting herself into situations that hurt her emotionally.

Anyway, we went to a concert together, then an afterparty afterward. She drank a decent amount, I drove. At the end of the night she basically said she could either Uber home or stay at my place because it was more convenient. I told her she could stay over.

When we got back to my place, I gave her one of my oversized shirts and she changed into it and came back wearing just that and underwear. I was originally setting up blankets/pillows for her on the couch and trying to keep things respectful.

Eventually we started cuddling and she kept saying things like “just as long as nothing happens.” I agreed. But the vibe was honestly really intimate and physically charged. She was spooning against me, grabbing onto me, etc. At one point she moved into my bed and we kept cuddling.

One thing I noticed is she would randomly take these really deep breaths while we were laying there. She’s told me before she does that when she’s anxious or trying to calm herself down. At the time I interpreted it as nervous excitement and eventually I started escalating physically. She participated and escalated too, but she also kept verbally saying stuff like “I feel like I crossed a boundary.”

We ended up having sex. I had trouble staying hard and couldn’t finish at all, which made me feel insanely insecure because I’ve wanted this girl for a long time. She was able to orgasm multiple times, but I couldn’t stop being in my head.

She also barely kissed me and avoided eye contact a lot during sex. That honestly hurt more than I expected. It made me start spiraling thinking maybe she wasn’t actually attracted to me physically or emotionally.

But then afterward she’d cuddle me all night, reach for me in her sleep, pull my arm around her, etc. We woke up and were intimate again in the morning too. So the whole thing felt emotionally mixed.

Before she left she noticed I accidentally left hickeys on her neck and got stressed about it. On the elevator down she was like “our little secret?” and made me pinky promise not to tell anyone.

That part weirdly hurt my feelings. I think because I’ve liked her for so long that finally being with her actually meant something to me emotionally, and hearing “secret” made me feel kinda disposable or hidden.

She’s moving away in like 11 days, and I feel like I’m already grieving something that barely even happened. Also grieving our friendship of 2 years.

Part of me feels guilty and worried I became “one of those guys” she talks to me about. Another part of me feels sad because I genuinely liked the closeness and cuddling more than the sex itself.

I texted her afterward basically saying I wasn’t upset and that I was glad we spent the night together. She responded normally/lightly, so nothing objectively terrible happened, but internally I feel anxious as hell.

I can’t stop replaying everything:

- the lack of kissing
- not being able to finish
- whether I misread her anxiety
- whether she regrets it
- whether she’s gonna slowly disappear now

I don’t even know what I’m asking honestly. I just feel emotionally scrambled.

TL;DR: Finally hooked up with a close friend I’ve liked for a long time right before she moves away. The night was emotionally confusing — she was affectionate and cuddly but also anxious, avoided a lot of kissing/eye contact, and kept saying she felt like she crossed a boundary. I got super in my head, couldn’t finish, and now I’m spiraling wondering if she regrets it, if I misread things, or if our friendship is gonna fade after this. I think I’m more attached to the emotional closeness/cuddling than the sex itself.

So I have a question. I’ve had this friend for about a decade, and I know he had feelings for me back in 2009–2011. He’s never been my type and I’ve never had feelings for him, but it makes me wonder whether men who get friend‑zoned ever actually lose those feelings or if they just bury them.

For context — this same friend married us in 2021, we lived together for 10 months, and we recently had to ask him to leave our home because of his own behaviour and ended up taking advantage of us. Not hypothetical question and not hypothetical situation.

So do men who have been friend - zoned ever move on from those feelings?

Hello, I'm a female (25Y). I recently joined a new workplace, it's been about 4 months. For context, I don't have any major work experience. Before joining here, I had worked for 6 months at a different organization in the similar work profile. As someone who's very new to the industry, I'm trying to be on good terms with all my colleagues (all of them have more experience than me) so that I can learn as much as I can. There is a colleague of mine (Male, 28Y), who joined a couple of months before me. So basically, he gave me a lot of tips and tricks into navigating the work environment here during my training (I didn't take a lot of them though, because they contradicted my way of dealing things). He's been flirting with me lately and initially I didn't take it seriously, I took it as a banter because we had had an argument after which the banter had started (banters were all in good spirit). I'm someone who laughs very easily, which could come off as reciprocation or blushing. So I'm afraid he thinks that I'm flirting back. It's getting kind of uncomfortable for me because he's openly flirting a lot now and I people in my lab have started to notice and I've sensed them teasing him about it as well but I'm not too sure about it. Lately, even my work friend (Senior, but joined together, female) has started to tease me about it even after multiple communication that I'm not comfortable with her teasing me. Also, I'm not sure but I think I also heard others talk about his supposed girlfriend/fiance in another city whom he visits often.

I really need to do something to stop this behavior but very subtly. I don't want to openly say anything since this is the workplace and I don't really know what to do in this situation. I've been casually trying to say things that are not in his favour so he could get a hint but idk if he caught the hint or no. He also asked to hangout during the long weekend, to visit his place and go to the beach but I straight up refused saying I want to stay home and rest. He's also been insisting on picking me up and dropping from and to the work but I'm not comfortable with that.. he's dropped me home twice but I don't want this to continue. Please give suggestions.

I’m pretty sure I’m in love with my guy best friend and I have no idea what to do with that.

I (21F) have a guy best friend (23M) — I’ll call him Tory. We haven’t actually known each other that long, only a few months, but somehow he’s become the most important person in my life. We talk every single day, call constantly, text all day… it just feels easy in a way I’ve never had with anyone before.

The problem is I caught feelings. Bad.

And I can’t do anything about it. For one, we’ve kind of already friend-zoned each other (long story involving me being drunk and saying dumb things). And two, he’s genuinely the best friend I’ve ever had and I’m terrified of ruining that.

We’re both on the spectrum, so we connect in a way that’s hard to explain. We talk a lot about how difficult relationships can be, and I think somewhere in all of that, my feelings just… grew. He understands me in a way no one else really has.

Everyone around me keeps saying he probably likes me too, but I really don’t think he does. He just got out of a serious relationship not that long ago, and I think I’m just the person he feels safe with while he’s healing. I’m the one he vents to, the one telling him everything he’s feeling is normal.

But then he does things that mess with my head.

I invited him to my birthday, and it was the first time we met in person. He went out of his way to match his outfit to mine perfectly, and he wrote me a handwritten card in cursive with a whole poem in it.

And I mean an actual poem, not just “happy birthday lol.” Like lines about how our time together “feels like years in moments shared” and how our connection is “growing more each day.”

And he calls me “princess” and “cheesecake,” which honestly does not help my situation at all.

He’s always supportive, always kind, always there. And I’ve never felt like this before.

Even my mom noticed and said she’s never seen me act like this about anyone, and I just keep denying it and saying we’re “just friends,” which feels like a lie at this point.

So yeah. This is basically just a rant because I can’t actually say out loud that I’m in love with him.

Update: Well… turns out I wasn’t crazy.

He admitted he liked me and told me he’s been stuck in this cycle of “I like you but I’m scared of losing the friendship,” said he’d date me if he was in a better headspace, and kept saying our friendship meant too much to risk. Which obviously made everything even more confusing because that’s basically emotional whiplash with a side of hope.

At the same time, he was also talking to another girl, went on a “date” with her (which included helping her move and sleeping in the same bed), and then posted a very poetic soft launch type post about lying beside someone who made life feel peaceful. So yeah. That was… clarifying.

I realized I was stuck in this weird inbetween where I was emotionally giving relationship-level energy to someone who wasn’t actually choosing me. It started feeling less like friendship and more like I was an emotional placeholder close enough to keep, but never clear enough to claim.

So I finally told him I needed space and boundaries. I asked him to stop mentioning liking me or anything beyond friendship because for my own sanity, this has to stay strictly friends. I told him I can’t keep feeling like I’m stuck in something unclear or like I’m a placeholder.

The truth is, I don’t even know if we can still be friends after this. As much as I care about him, I need to move on, and I’m not sure I can do that while staying this close to someone I loved and hoped for. Sometimes distance isn’t punishment, it’s just the only way to let go.

Not the happy ending I was hoping for, but I guess that’s life. Sometimes people can care about you deeply and still not choose you, and sometimes loving someone means accepting that they were a lesson, not your person.

I (23F) have a work friend (20M) who recently asked me out on a date . I’ve never been in a relationship or have been on a date before so Im very new to learning what is to be expected but I feel that what I’ve experienced may not be the standard?

My friend and I met 4 months ago working working with each-other, and the atmosphere is so stressful that I never had a chance to consider having a crush on him or even getting to know him better (although I did know that we had the same music and movie tastes).He's a nerdy guy who’s literally the sweetest, always looking out for others.

After work one day, my work friend asks me out on a date with flowers. I find this adorable and say yes but to be clear, he never calls it a “date”. He says “would you want to grab dinner sometime but I pay for it“.

We end up going on this unnamed date and spend a whole 8 hours together. It was lovely! but i couldn’t help but notice a sense of “friendliness” clouding over this day. He paid for dinner but stayed very far away from me the whole time, as in, always two feet apart. I can tell there are moments where he wants to touch my shoulder but recoils.

he also seems very nervous. He talks a lot in the work place but one on one tends to just go silent leaving me to always think about ways to fill the air.

He ended up asking me out on another date but called it “hanging out“. I asked his friends about what he called it to them and apparently this whole time he’s called it a “date” to them

We’ve now been on 4 dates and nothing at all has changed. We ended up finding out a lot more about each other, text more often, and had a few nice conversations but there’s still a lot of awkward silence on his part. He still stays very far away from me at all times and even speaks in a way that “friend-zones“ us.

For example, after the last date i tried to ask how he feels about going on these dates he said “ dude I have a great time hanging out with you! I look forward to these days ! I feel great and I’d like to do it more often! “ but imagine it in the tone of a good friend saying this with no romantic undertones at all.

he‘s also not one for compliments. like has never once given me anything beyond a “good job”. Which is nothing I need, but I feel that the lack of makes his “friend-zone” tones more friend-zoney.

to contradict that though, he will watch movies and listen to music i recommend at the drop of a hat. He also plans these “dates” with a lot of care and pays for everything.

His friends tell me that he really likes me but his conversation style, body language, and lack of talking about “dating” or the potential of it says otherwise.

is he nervous about making me uncomfortable?

I genuinely need honest outside perspective because this situation has been messing with my head badly.

About a month and a half ago (I’m 27, she’s 21), I met this girl through a mutual friend group.

A couple days after meeting, she randomly sent me a reel first with something like “immediately thought of you,” which caught my attention.
Then over the next few group hangouts, she consistently sat next to me, leaned toward me, talked to me more than others, and it became pretty obvious that I at least mattered to her in some way.

Soon we started texting more privately, and in the beginning she often initiated:
sending reels, photos, videos, random updates, etc.

Then she offered to do a photo shoot of me “for a cup of coffee,” so I turned that into us going on a coffee walk together.

That first one-on-one hangout lasted around 5 hours.

Honestly… it felt kind of perfect.
There were subtle gentleman/romantic moments, great chemistry, easy conversation, and after that we even directly talked about how neither of us really believes in true friendship between men and women.

Then came a second long hangout:
billiards, restaurant, another 5–6 hours together.

At this point, things kept getting more emotionally confusing.

Some examples:
- One night we walked under the same umbrella, alone, listening through shared headphones to HER choice of love songs
- She sent cute couple-type reels, including ones that basically implied “us?”
- One time I showed her I was eating tiramisu at home, she said she wanted some, so later that night I literally brought her tiramisu, we sat outside together, I fed her with my fork, and gave her my jacket because she was cold
- She would send me multiple photos of herself asking which one I liked best, then posted the one I chose on her Instagram story with three pink hearts
- Friends around us genuinely started seeing us as basically a couple

So from my perspective this did not feel platonic.

Now an important factor:
She had relatively recently (4 months ago) gotten out of a toxic long-term relationship (3 years) involving betrayal, cheating, privacy violations (reading diaries/messages), etc.
So I knew she had emotional baggage.
I didn't want to rush things and respected her boundaries.

Then came the part that completely confused me:

I invited her to the cinema (what would’ve basically been our 3rd date in my mind).
She politely declined.

I was a little upset, but I realized that she most likely didn't want more than one-on-one meetings with me.

But then shortly after she invited me instead to a grill hangout with her parents and her brother. LOL

And that completely scrambled my brain.

Because… why reject something that feels date-like, but then bring me into family space?

I went, it went great, I made an amazing impression, everyone liked me, and it honestly felt even deeper.

At this point, I truly started believing there had to be real potential here.

Then one day during a walk, she said something along the lines of maybe we could have friendship.

That completely shook me, especially because we had already discussed not believing in male/female friendship.

It felt like emotional whiplash.

My mood visibly dropped, people noticed, and later when we were alone and she asked what was wrong I finally admitted everything.

I told her I liked her and honestly I almost cried.

Not because I can’t handle rejection, but because by that point I felt like I was potentially losing not just a girl, but a rare connection, a person I’d become deeply attached to and something that felt like it had real romantic energy.

She wasn’t cruel. Then she hugged me.
But the outcome was essentially:
“You’re so nice, funny, amazing person” but not ready yet / not romantically / friendship.

So I chose to pull away, because staying close while wanting more felt unbearable.

Now it’s been around 2 weeks of no contact.

And I genuinely cannot stop questioning everything:

Did she actually like me romantically, but her past relationship / timing blocked it?
Did I confess too soon?
Should I have stayed calm and let it develop for months?
Can women genuinely act THIS couple-like and still mean friendship?
Has anyone had a girl come back later after “bad timing,” especially fresh out of toxic long-term relationships?

I know nobody can read her mind.

But based on real life experience:
Did I do the right thing?
Or did I walk away too early from something that maybe just needed more time?

Okay, hi everyone. Basically I (24F) have known “Bacon” (25M) for almost 2 years? I’m not sure. Regardless we first met on instagram and it started off very casually minorly flirting okay. Nothing too serious, I also had never met him or anything at this point. Well then, one of my bestfriends introduced us to her bf (we can call him eggs) Well turns out Bacon and Eggs are bestfriends since childhood ,so we all end up hanging out for our get togethers and what not. Well him and I actually start getting pretty close but tbh with y’all… he’s … too good? Like we’re exactly alike and he understands me completely and tbh with you guys , I just knew there had to be a catch.

Early on I was always throwing those hints about us being friends. Like one time he said he didn’t have friends or something and my response was “well what am I ? A roach?” And he said “well we are not friends” and at the time I didn’t say anything because I didn’t catch on to it. Anyways also on his birthday in January he asked me if there was ever a chance of us doing anything and I said yeah, but not now. And he said “real” and then that was it bc in my head I was like I’m not going to be your birthday sex? Then on my birthday we hung out and before he stepped out of my car he said “don’t talk to any guys” while I went out that night , and I laughed it off because I saw the moment it hit him that he said that and we went our separate ways. A little after this we were on the phone and I told him that he was special to me and that I really want to preserve our friendship, and he agreed. So I was like great, this is fantastic.

Until he started talking about his literal evil ex and tbh with yall.. I literally hate that for him. Basically she did him very dirty and literally embarrassed him in front of his friends. It has been a year or two since the last time they connected and since then he’s lost a lot of weight and he just overall looks a lot better. Why does he tell me that she is planning a trip to go visit him in Colorado during the summer 🙂. And that he’s only accepting it so that he could put her on the spot and reject her 🙂. Do I look… stupid? And I kept telling him the reason she’s still winning is because you’re still falling for this crap. Mind you this is coming from the same guy who HATES my last ex. Whatever. Well he’s a grown man and he’s going to do what he wants right. Well then, I realized I do like him. YUP. Can you believe that. The thing is I actually am smart enough to realize this isn’t going to work right now because .. well.. literally look at the situation.

So im open and honest and I tell him that its slowly starting to bother me when he talks about women because im noticing I have feelings and that I wanted to take a step back. He responded with something along the lines of he’s sorry because he has no one to talk to but that he respects my decision and told me to be safe. I didn’t want to friendship to end. I just needed to figure myself out. We then don’t talk for two weeks and he sends me “Eenie meenie” by Sean Kingston along with the lyrics “you seem like the type to love them and leave them.” I don’t respond and 30 mins later he texts me again saying that he hopes I’m doing good and that it’s only a couple weeks until he moves to Colorado so I was like idk what to say, you went kinda silent on me, are we okay and do you want to talk about it. No response . No respond for nearly 3 weeks. In those 3 weeks I came to the conclusion that well… no response is a response and that if he cared about he integrity of our friendship then he would’ve communicated by now.

So boom. Yesterday I get a text from an unknown number saying I was very special to him especially because of how alike we were and that he was sorry for making me feel any way. He also asked me if I wanted to get coffee with him to talk , and that he’s heard some things with an eyebrow raise. I didn’t want to answer but I sent him dates that I would be available … then after no response again I said never fucking mind… now I don’t cuss at him tbh. So he responded with telling me what he was doing and that he will tell me when and that he’s sorry and to pls not be mad at him. I just said okay.. idk why I got mad .. I just did. So then he sends me this message

“actually I can’t I’m prepping to move this week and I got sm shit going on, but I wanted to clear up that I do care about you, but it’s always been platonic way, even if I had some grey area moments. & the fact that I was never mad at u or feeling a way about anything. My character towards other people is important to me. you won’t see me again for a while but I’m always here for u.”

I just said okay.
But … idk it wasn’t okay.
So later on I said
“I think it’s best if we just pretend we never knew each other “ followed up by
“I’m glad you were able to relieve your consciousness.”

He thumbs upped the first one immediately after I sent it.

I just feel like I was already healing from this and you came back and just rubbed salt on the wound and it doesn’t even feel like you’re here for me. It feels like you’re here to make yourself feel better. The other things is, if you knew how I felt about you , what makes you think that contacting me is the right thing to do?

What do you guys think? And how would you guys handle the next time you see him? Because I know it’s not the last time I’ll see him .

Me (M20) and her (F20) have been talking since mid December, we followed each other on TikTok since October but never exchanged words until December 15th. We talked for a few weeks before eventually meeting up to go hangout for the day. This is my first time seeing her in person and hanging out with her and I could already tell that I wanted something more with her. We bonded so closely and got so comfortable with each other so quickly. This would be my first real relationship/experience

Up until now things were going great, I was just about to make her my official girlfriend after both of us putting it off for months. I was so excited, I was waiting for this day to come I wanted nothing more than to make her mine and continue to grow along side her. Her talks about the future made me so happy and motivated, this is all I wanted in a girl. But recently she had a wake up call.

I was at her house as per usual and things felt a little off but I didn’t really know. A couple days following that she told me how she was thinking bad things, things that she shouldn’t be thinking about. It rose my anxiety so high I had to ask her. After some issues that are going on in her life took a toll on her, she told me that she isn’t ready for a relationship.

We’ve done things up to this point as if we were a couple and now I’m feeling depressed, lost, scared the whole deal. She said that she isn’t ready for a relationship after everything building up to it, but she says that once her stressors are out of the way and we focus on us individually as a person until she is ready. She said she wants to be in a relationship with me, just not now; and that if she were to get into one it would be with me. I just don’t know how true that is. She wants to stay friends and come over my house to hangout and still do the things we did minus the romances and not as often.

I’ve grown so attached to her and we’re not leaving each other completely, I don’t know how to handle this. She’s told me that she loves me and I really hope it stays that way. But the way things are in her life she just isn’t happy, and doesn’t want to have to stress about a relationship. So we’re friends until further notice.

I just don’t know how to deal with this, I love this girl with all my soul but we aren’t the first thing that’s on her mind. At the moment she thinks it is too much of a commitment getting into a relationship and I’m scared I’m going to lose her even further.

Any thoughts you guys have would be very appreciated.

I met this girl during a five‑month exchange. We started talking because we were on the same bus and came from the same country. Almost immediately, she invited me to go out with her and her friend group.

From that moment on, every weekend I would go out with them, and afterward she and I would walk back late at night, listening to music and having deep conversations. We would also often study at her house a lot. After a few weeks, I realized I really liked her — to the point where I would drop any plans just to spend time with her. On the last day of the exchange, she told me she knew I liked her, and we left it at that.

Six months later, I went back to visit her and some friends for three days. On the last night, after going out with the group, she and I stayed at her place watching movies, and she insisted on doing my lashes for fun. I expected her to tell me to sleep on the couch, but instead she told me I could sleep next to her. The next morning, as I was leaving, I told her I still had feelings for her. She said she really liked me too — but only as a friend.

What should I do now? Is there any way to change her mind?

We’re both 16.

Basically back in January(around the 20th) I realized I liked my friend(I’m gonna call her Alana but that’s not her real name) and I think the feelings grew slowly because I didn’t realize I had romantic feelings for Alana till one day she told me she loved me(except she meant it in a friend way) and I questioned myself cause I thought I was straight. For a while I was like “do I really like Alana?”And then I ended up confessing my feelings to her. Alana told me she didn’t like me that way but she remembers at the beginning of school year she liked me romantically but I got with my boyfriend(who’s now my ex boyfriend)and she thought I was straight, so she didn’t want to suffer heartbreak so she suppressed her feelings. I was sad but I accepted it and I moved on. Or atleast I tried to move on BUT I COULDN’T. I was still in-love with her and I still am. Me and her friendship didn’t become complicated and actually became better because we got closer. And she now she calls me her sister and stuff so I lowkey faced the facts that Alana doesn’t like me cause that’s the ULTIMATE friend zone right?

But yesterday (May 15th, 2026 this is important because it’s 5 months later after I confessed my feelings to her)
It was job shadowing day and I didn’t go job shadowing cause I didn’t feel like it so I went to school and only like 10% of the grade was their. My friend Emmy was their too(not her real name) and basically a guy wanted to ask me to the dance(cause we had the dance that same day) and Emmy helped him ask me out(I said no) But after rejecting him I went up to her and she was outside the classroom she was by herself. I went to ask her why she would do that and stuff and we js had a short conversation abt it. But I told her I had something to tell her and she said “I think I know what it is” and I ask Emmy “what do u think I’m gonna say?” And she says “that ure bi or sm” and I was surprised cause it was something related to that. But anyway I told her I was inlove with Alana. Emmy said “I know” and I was like “whaa?”. But I asked her “did Alana tell u?” And she replied with a “yes”

But basically Emmy said that 2 or 3 months ago Alana told her that she was inlove with me, but she was scared cause I confessed my feelings to her and she thought I moved on(EXCEPT I DIDNT) when Emmy told me this I WAS SO MAD AT MYSELF CAUSE I MISSED MY CHANCE and during the time I was thinking that maybe js maybe she did like me, but then I brushed off cause I was like “nah she rejected me”

Emmy told me that at the dance she would ask Alana if she still liked me, but I told Emmy no cause Alana was gonna say no, but Emmy told me “you don’t know that” and I js told her “okay ask her, just know she’s most likely gonna say no”
So basically at the dance Emmy asked her if she still liked me romantically and Alana said no.
And I didn’t care cause I knew she was gonna say no.

But toward the end of the dance me and Alana went to the bathroom and we were there for like 20 minutes and it was js us too. We were talking normally and we each confessed personal stuff from home and she started crying and I kissed her on the forehead and idk why but I had the urge to confess to her that I was still Inlove with her, but I didn’t do it cause I thought, “I already know she doesn’t like me romantically so what would benefit from me telling her If already know she doesn’t like me” and I didn’t end up telling her I almost did though. Cause I said “Alana I have tell u something” “yeah?” “Never mind” “is it bad?” “No it’s nothing” but then today in the shower I was thinking about it and I wish I did tell her cause I’ve told her once before and our friendship stayed strong, so it would be okay to tell her a second time right?. But I love her so so much.

The WHOLE situation is complicated though is because she’s Christian but she’s attracted to girls and she thinks she’s not suppose to be cause she told me herself, “I’m attracted to girls but my trauma makes me scared to date them” and Alana trauma is personal, so I’m not gonna say it. But this one time one of our friends asked her “what do u think abt homosexuality as a Christian?” And I dont remember exactly what she said but It was something like, “God made man and women to be together, so they could have kids together and women and women can’t have kids neither can man and man” and that made me feel guilty for being inlove with her. She’s also the one who brought me closer to god and I’m so grateful I look up to her and I always will.

I don’t know what to do should I confess or leave it as it is? I remember I told me friend K abt the situation the first time when I first confessed me feelings to Alana and she said “Alana said she suppressed her feelings which means she pushed them down, so her feelings could always resurface” and I thought “maybe” BUTTT according to Emmy they did resurface at some point but she thought I moved on, so if confessed again would they resurface again?

Also me and Alana are SUPER flirty that everyone thought we were either dating or we liked each other(kinda the same thing) but I remember so many people asked me if me and Alana were together 😭. Even Emmy’s boyfriend asked Emmy that if we were both gay and dating.

But what should I do should I risk the friendship again?? Cause I love her so much she makes me so happy. And I always what to take care of her. I love her weirdness and how she’s herself. She defends herself and her friends. She’s funny and makes everyone laugh. She loves her family even though she says they’re too much sometimes(especially her mom) she’s so supportive and it sweet. A compliment from her means the world. I love her so much and IDKKKK I want her to be mine. I wanna hug her and kiss her, take care of her forever and give her the love that she deserves.

The thing is I fell inlove with her without realizing it cause she was my friend at first. I mean I dated a whole guy while we were friends, so my feelings for her came out of nowhere. My love for her js slowly grew ♥️.
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I CANT MOVE ON.
And this is corny to say but I’m scared I’m gonna be in-love with her forever.

What should I do?? Advice??

My crush just said that "you will find fine shyt" and then asked me what my type is.

So a girl i hooked up with a few times, who then kinda went silent, suddenly texts me last night at 1 am when i was asleep. I woke up for work at 6 am and saw it. My question is should i answer it at all. Granted she will sometimes never answer my texts for days or sometimes not at all and texts something unrelated without going back to what i said. If she texts me at 1 am like this its always s bootycall. I feel like i shouldnt answer it at all but what are everyones thoughts. I dont want to appear a simp or needy but i also dont want to be rude but then part of me doesnt care if I am because shes not consistent in answering me.

Ok, this might not be the right community, I don't know.

This is about to be a long story, but I really need some advice on this because I need to get it off my chest (and get some opinions).

Okay, so I had a friend group some time ago. I had a friend we're going to call "Ayleen." This girl was really into a boy we're going to call "Fabian."

Well, they started dating at some point, and I was really happy for them. I genuinely became friends with Fabian because he was my friend's boyfriend, duh. When we started being friends, it was really fun. We had the same humor and always had a great time together. Me and Fabian started getting kind of close, but not thaaat close.

A year passed and they broke up because he became really cold with her and suddenly lost feelings. I really tried to help my friend Ayleen, but Fabian was my friend too, so I made it clear to both of them that I was there for them (separately, obviously).

After the breakup, Fabian and I started texting a lot, and we got really close. An important detail here is that he graduated before us and went to university. But one teacher really loved him and his work, so he would often call Fabian to come help at our school. Well, the thing is that he started showing up every Friday, and that made us get even closer than before.

One day, he texted me saying that he wrote a song for me. (He's a musician.) I was really happy about it, but then I heard the lyrics... omg.

It was really... really weird. It was about liking a girl but knowing you both couldn't be together. Some details in the song mentioned "Friday noon"... weird. It also talked about "having so much fun and laughing together" and stuff like that. I let it slide.

But then he wrote ANOTHER SONG. And I'm not joking, this one was even worse.

Another important detail is that I have a boyfriend, and he knows that.

One day when he showed up at our school, I had some free periods and he was free too, so he said (while we were talking with some friends btw and having a great time), "Hey... since we're both free, we should... you know," and gestured between the two of us.

The friends next to us gave us an "oh." look and acted a little uncomfortable. Honestly, I was uncomfortable too.

I said, "What?" and he said, "You know what," and I just acted like I understood and nodded.

Well, he took me to one of the music rooms (I'm a musician too) so we could be by ourselves. On the way there, the janitor — who is really friendly and jokes around with everyone — said, "What are you guys doing in that room all alone, huh?" and laughed.

I tried to play it cool and deny it, but Fabian just laughed and nodded.

We got to the music room with the piano, and he started joking about the "what are you guys doing" comment, and I got a little uncomfortable. I brushed it off and just chuckled.

Turns out he wanted to practice the song he wrote with me because it was a duet. We practiced for a little while and then IT happened.

He wrote another song.

But this time it was even worse.

It talked about liking someone, but that person had a boyfriend, so you couldn't show your feelings for them.

It felt weird. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt like it was about me.

I don't want to sound like one of those pick-me girls who think everything is about them, but... do you guys think it was?

I really need some feedback on this because I don't know if I should start taking some distance from this man or not.

Also, something I forgot to mention is that I talked to him about it and he denied it, but then he said something weird. He told me he knew I was "imperfectly perfect" and the most beautiful woman (inside and out), but that I deserved better than him and that he couldn't provide what I needed right now...?

I mean, I don't even know what he was talking about.

But after that, he kept inviting me to hang out alone with him.

I really appreciate having this man in my life, but I need to know what is going on.

Help 😭

Hi, i am not very active in any social media platforms but i saw clips of podcast reading posts from subreddit and found that some people do share quite an insight about other people's situations and i am here expecting to take wisdom from you guys. I am a student working at a part time job. And I met this girl, my best friend, through an online friend 2 years ago and since then, we've been in contact constantly. At first i wasn't really attracted to her but after sharing our lives with each other, our friendship grew deeper. We taught how to rely on each other in times of need and enjoy even the most boring moments of our lives. Then an incident happened she suddenly went silent for a month. Later on, she admitted that she had a suitor, but she ended it immidiately right after it being toxic. At that point, i realized my feelings were no longer just for a friend. But i hid it from her thinking that it might ruin our friendship, and i know that in our situation it's really hard to make it work. To give you guys an idea we're 300+ miles away from each other. Long story short, i hid it for 8months then i got drank and texted her. I confessed. The next day, she brought up the topic. And she said that we can't be together, it's hard to make it work. These are not verbatim coz english isn't our mother tounge but that's the thought. She said that "I didn't told you that we can't be together because i didn't like you. What I'm saying is—eventhough i like you, we still can't be together." "You're my best friend and i don't want to lose you. But I don't want to hurt you, that's why i don't know what to do." She wants me to stay, she said that she doesn't like anyone right now, and her life revolves in her studies and that she won't hurt me intentionally and will be honest at all times, she won't hide anything from me but she can't guarantee what's gonna happen in the future. That she doesn't know what the future holds and things could change and she wishes that i am ready for what could possibly happen.

I don't know what to do. It feels like i am being made an option. And i want some space from her. I know that i need to respect myself, but thinking of pulling away and hurting both of us scares me. I am hoping to see what can i do for the both of us?

Please respect my post i am sincerely opening up to make the most mature decision in this friendship. I will take any decent advice with gratitude. Tya!

First time posting here, but I've enjoyed reading all of the threads and advice, and thought it was time I ask for some advice myself.

I am a 36 year old guy who just last year came out as bi. And along the way through therapy and research, also realized I am somewhere on the bigender/non-binary spectrum, which explained a lot about my life and why I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere growing up, with guys or with girls. My closest friends were always girls. And because of this, most people assumed I was gay. Being in a small town, dealing with bullying, fear of rejection from family and not having a support system, I felt it was safer at the time to just deny it and fight every part of myself that presented too feminine. Truth was, I had known my entire life that I was not straight, but also knew I wasn't just gay either. And at the time, I didn't understand being bi, let alone how to explain it to family who then made me feel like it would be the end of the world if I were gay. During the teenage years and into college, I had two serious relationships, both with girls. The first was someone I considered my best friend that developed into more. We were able to explore things together. I never expressed to her that I was also attracted to guys, or that I ever questioned my gender. But she was safe to have fun with and sometimes would put makeup on me and lingerie. I enjoyed it, we were young and having fun. We eventually split because she cheated on me with her ex, but to deny that, she just told everyone I was gay, which made the bullying and rumors much worse. So, again, for safety I denied everything. Second relationship was not nearly as dramatic, but it ended due to long distance. And being honest, because of the trauma and betrayal of the first relationship, I was not emotionally invested. As I went through college, I just blocked everything personal out. Made friends, again mostly girls, but never pursued anything more than friendship, but also never let anyone truly get close to me. I kept a guard up to protect myself from getting hurt. And that guard and solid walls stayed up for nearly two decades until recently.

Over that time alone, I knew I was bi, that my attraction leaned more towards men, that I also was extremely feminine and still some days mentally felt like I was a woman, but also still felt like a man most times. I just sort of told myself I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I always hoped that if the right person for me came along, man or woman, I'd know.

And then someone entered my life unexpectedly. For the first time in my life I met a guy that I got along with immediately. We just clicked. My first reaction was thinking he had the most gorgeous eyes and he was everything I've ever been attracted to in a guy. And as we started spending time around each other, I started recognizing things in him that seemed familiar. The way he spoke, the mannerisms, the expressions, the way he was looking at me... And the way I was with him. I suspected he might be not be straight either. In fact several friends also thought the same thing. And then we began what felt like flirting with each other. Making little comments about each other's body, little jokes here and there about sharing pictures, etc. We got close and after a day together working in the rain, I pulled him in and hugged him, thanking him for everything he'd helped me with. He held me tight telling me he was here for me.

That moment felt romantic to me. I didn't act on it in the moment because I was still not sure if I was reading everything wrong with him. This was all new to me getting close with a guy. I confided in a friend, my first time coming out to anyone. She was incredibly supportive, had watched what was happening and saw everything the same way. I finally just asked him a few days later. What are we doing? Are we flirting? I don't want to read this wrong and kiss you and it ruin our friendship if we're not on the same page. He froze. He stumbled through telling me that he is bi, but barely considers himself bi because his type is only a femme passing man. It was awkward. We both stuttered and just quickly left. I was crushed, confused and embarrassed. I apologized to him if I ambushed him, he assured me I did not and he sensed what was happening and knew I wasn't straight and didn't matter to him. We agreed at the time to focus on being friends. I knew in the moment if I told him I have and still could be a femme passing man, that I have questioned my gender, that he might not believe me. That he might see it as me just trying to play with him. So I didn't tell him then.

I expected things would be awkward indefinitely and he'd distance himself from the guy he knew had a crush on him. He did the opposite. We've grown so much closer over the last seven months. I've explained to him my sexuality struggles and the betrayal of past relationships, he's explained how he always thought he was straight until he felt safe when he met someone who was trans, and that made him realize he also was attracted to trans women, femme passing men and crossdressing men. I eventually told him about my gender questioning and he was incredibly supportive of me and encouraging me to express myself however I feel like is me.

We've talked about sex. For him, he said it sometimes can be just a physical connection if both people are in agreement. He wasn't directly saying he was opening that door with me, but I did wonder. I admitted that for me, I've always been very emotionally driven and can't be intimate unless I have an emotional connection with someone and I feel that I can trust them. He said ultimately that is what we wants too. But again, didn't say he wants it with me.

We've grown significantly closer, spent a lot of time getting to know each other, hug often, touch each other's faces without being awkward, have said the words "I love you" but nothing has crossed the line from friends officially. He has however twice shown me pictures of his naked butt for random reasons. Which I compliment, but try to not to push things too far.

I know without a doubt I've found the best friend I've ever known, and I'm so terrified of ruining that if I admit the truth. I have fallen in love with him. He's wonderful, so kind, gentle and insanely beautiful. But I can't shake the feeling that he's fighting his feelings and his sexuality still. And he is younger than me. He's mentioned trying to be straight coded, trying to hide his emotions, but still gets vulnerable with me sometimes. I gave him a sweet note at Christmas about how I cherished our friendship and all the joy he's brought into my life. He teared up and said he felt the same.

There's a part of me that thinks he's struggling with the fact that I'm primarily a guy... a very feminine/gay leaning bi guy. That's just speculation on my part. Or maybe he just doesn't find me attractive, but he has complimented me before telling me I look great. I've done the same to him. I just can't get a definite read on what he's feeling. And I'm terrified if I ask him, or tell him how I feel, he's going to panic and freeze again, and this time he might shut me out completely. And I don't want to lose him.

It's only more confusing because since openly coming out to friends and family, even though some were hesitant at first, everyone has met me with so much love and support. Most telling me they knew my entire life and were just waiting on me to accept it and talk about it. That was reassuring, but also heartbreaking for younger me who lived in such fear of being rejected. Because people saw this in me, because they see it in him, most people do assume now and ask questions around town if he and I are dating. Because being completely honest, that is the vibe we give off to people. And I would love for it to be true. I just tell people he's my best friend because that is also the truth.

I just don't want him to ever feel like I am pressuring him to see me as more than a friend. I can't make him love me in that way if he's not there. But also, hiding my feelings from him is agonizing when I'm bursting at the seams with so much love ready to just tell him... I think you're the one I have always been meant to find. Everything about the way we met, connected, have so much in common... It all feels like fate.

He did admit to me once that when he moved to a small town, he never thought he'd meet anyone like me and that he thinks I'm amazing and he appreciates me so much.

So I stay torn between holding my feelings and being patient to let this grow slow burn style and risk him finding someone else... Or just telling him and risking losing our friendship. I guess in my mind, I think... I told him then I wanted to kiss him, we've joked about that a couple of times, so... He knows how I felt, so if he wanted this to be more, he'd make a move. But then I think, what if he's waiting on me to make another? What if he's just as scared and confused as me?

I would appreciate any advice from people who may have similar experiences or perspectives similar to mine and his. This is new for me. And I think in some ways it's also new for him. And given the fact we both have anxiety and ADHD, it's even more confusing.

Thanks to anyone reading. ❤️

Hi, Idk why I am writing this. But I wanna get this out.. so here we go..

I am 22M , I was with a Girl 21F for past 2 year.. we are and were very good Friends even before this drama .. we haven't officially dated eachother but we both knew that we liked each other and I have explicitly confessed my feelings to her .. more than once. I knew and she explicitly told me that we can't be together cuz her family is too traditional and won't allow our marriage then also I was willing to be her .. for what ever time we can spend with eachother , we talked daily for more than an hour ( although I am a listener.. 😅 and she is a talker .. and a very good one actually) . Now that her family is talking about marriage i am getting anxious and she has accepted her fate. I don't actually blame her but I just want a chance with her parents so that I can convince them but .. (yeah there is also a but in this story) she is afraid..(genuinely so..) that her parents will take the blame that they trust her wrong and she got out of hand . Although we haven't even touched eachother.. we know this will happen .. now I don't know what this was.. and what should I do ?