My (26F) best friend (29M) is allegedly in love with me and I don’t know what to do
My first time ever posting and I honestly have no one to talk to about this and would really love any advice or input. Also there’s a lot of backstory that spans the past few years.
Here’s a few things I need to preface. First, I have a boyfriend (Jack 26M) and we have been dating for almost 8 years now. My best friend (Steve 29M) and I met when I was 21 and him 24, but only became friends through Bob (now 30ish) because we all work at the same place (bf included). Now, Bob and Steve have always known about Jack and were actually friends with him first but once Jack moved departments they grew apart. It was one of those work friendships. Jack is also pretty introverted whereas I am more extroverted. Bob and I had worked in the same department for a couple years and I always considered him as a good person and friend. Bob and Steve are also best friends and this is important later. Once I had moved to the same department and working hours as Steve, our friendship grew stronger due to shared interests and hobbies and just being able to banter and have a dark sense of humor.
A few years ago (2023ish) Bob, Steve and I were a trio of friends; sending memes, going to movies, concerts, even pitched having a podcast sharing our interests. During this time we’d make self deprecating jokes and banter and being the insecure young adult, obviously I didn’t love how I looked and would not out right say that I was insecure, but Steve would make comments to detour me from hating myself. He’d always do it in a way that wasn’t creepy or pushing a boundary which I appreciated.
Now fast forward a year and Bob and I had a falling out. All our mutual friends know what happened between us, and it was really hard for me to confront Bob about my feelings and how he hurt me because I never thought he would. Steve was the one who helped me to feel confident in creating the boundary between Bob and I and even sided with me on the situation, as did most of our mutual friends. This led to Steve and I hanging out without Bob and getting closer and I even consider him to be one of my best friends at this point. He’s met and hangs with my family, and Jack, and I have met his family and have also become friends with his sister (Ally 22F) whom I spend one on one time with too. I helped Steve get the courage to break up with his toxic ex gf and I really wanted him and one of my close girl friends to date, or at least just hit it off and be friends because Steve is not too confident in himself. Jack is totally secure and knows how close Steve and I are, and respects our friendship. At least, he’s never said anything that would make me think that he doesn’t want Steve and I to be friends. Also Steve and I have both gone through some trauma and I leaned on him a lot during that time, whereas it was hard for me to do that to Jack because honestly, I didn’t think he understood my grief. During that time I was also very depressed and I started to feel a little resentment towards Jack, and couldn’t help but think of all the similarities and comfort that Steve was able to provide for me. At the end of the day though, I only saw Steve as a good and true friend and I have been better at communicating my feelings and needs to Jack. I love Jack and I know he loves me and would do anything for me.
Okay so now we are more caught up. A couple months ago Steve was in a really depressive episode and I tried to help him through it but he just wouldn’t open up to me and we didn’t talk for a few weeks. Once he started to thaw out he asked for girl help, which has led to him seeing one of our coworkers (Jen 23F). I was so excited and happy for him when he told me how their first few dates went, because he was happy again! We had a convo about how our boundaries were going to be set, bc I didn’t want Jen to feel like she was the third wheel and I wanted to be thoughtful of her feelings and just how Steve’s and I’s friendship dynamic is. Jen is super sweet and we’ve all hung out a few times. Steve and I have talked about his and Jen’s future and both him and I don’t see it going long term, mainly because of their personalities and Steve doesn’t want a serious relationship, especially since he was in a toxic one for so long.
Ally and I were hanging out a month ago and were talking about just everything and anything and she asked how I became friends with Steve, and I told her it kinda came out of just working together and because he was one of the only people I knew in the new department I was in, so I stuck to him. She then told me that Steve actually had a thing for me, and that he would talk about me so much that she and her family were rooting for us to get together, but then I brought Jack over at one of their parties and that’s when Ally and her family found out I had a bf. I brushed off the comment about Steve having a thing for me because I assumed it was when we first started being friends and years have passed since then. I told her that he never mentioned it and I never knew, plus he’s definitely moved on from it because Steve and I have talked about his dating life. Truthfully, this stuck with me for a couple days, because why would Ally bring this up now? Anyway, Steve’s and I friendship returned to normal and we were doing the same things we always did. A couple weeks ago we got to see a movie, just us, and this was the first time in a couple months that it was only us hanging out. We got to talking about some deep stuff, that I honestly never thought we would talk about but was grateful that we were talking about it because one thing about me is my love language is quality time and I love to really get to know someone. Not just the surface level, and especially since Steve had been there for me during all my shit a couple years ago, I felt like I could be there for him now. I never wanted him to feel pressured to tell me anything, I don’t like making people feel uncomfortable. After the talk, we went back to normal but I had more respect for him and was more thoughtful of how to approach him in certain topics. After the talk I also felt that Steve and I’s friendship grew because we were able to be vulnerable.
Okay, so two days ago, a coworker (Lady) came up to me and said that she really needed to get something off her chest and that it had to do with Steve. I assumed it had to be about his episode and I told her that I know and that I’m trying to be there for him even if he doesn’t want me to be. Lady said that it wasn’t about that, and instead is about me and Steve. I wasn’t too confused because in the past coworkers have asked if Steve and I are dating and I’ve always said no, I’m dating Jack and Steve is one of my closest friends. I told Lady that we get dating allegations all the time (even tho we banter, not flirt) and that whoever said something is obviously lying, and plus Steve hates on me (in a teasing, older brother way). Lady then says that Steve told her all about our conversation after the movie and how he left out one thing that he wanted to tell me, and that it was that he’s in love with me. Maybe it was the shock, but I laughed in her face. I told her that I don’t believe her, and that how could Steve be if he’s with Jen? Lady swears that’s what Steve told her, and I honestly can’t stop thinking about it now. Steve has told me other relationship things that he admits only telling Lady and I, so I know he does share private information with Lady. I’ve continued to talk to Steve like I always do but now this information is in the back of my mind. I honestly don’t know what to do. I value Steve’s and I’s friendship, so I don’t want to ask him. Also, could it be that he was only really attracted to me after our talk because he felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable? I want to talk to Ally and compare timelines, but I don’t know what I would do with that information. I don’t know if I should tell Jack because I honestly don’t know if he’ll tolerate Steve and I’s friendship, and I don’t want to keep secrets from Jack but I don’t want to end my friendship with Steve. I don’t want to lead Steve on, even though I don’t think I am, and I just don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t know what to do.