My Girl Best Friend Is My Only Real Friend, and I Think I'm Developing Deeper Feelings for Her.
So, I met my homegirl two years ago at a weekend kickback where a bunch of friend groups from our city got together and rented a big lake house. Anyways, we instantly hit it off and shared our playlists, etc. At the time, I had a small crush on her for like a week or two (but she had a boyfriend at the time), and then it slowly faded away. That wasn’t the basis of our friendship, though, and we still hung out a lot.
Fast-forward a year, and I had slowly lost a lot of my friends because their girlfriends were control freaks, they became stoners, or some even started experimenting with harder stuff. So, my homegirl and I grew closer. She is truly amazing and has helped me through a lot of sh*t, and I think this is when I honestly started developing deeper feelings for her. I’ve meant to ask her out, but either I didn’t have the courage or she was dating someone.
Ever since then, I’ve kept these feelings to myself and tried not to think about them, and it worked until today. Yesterday, we planned our hangout and decided to have a cook-off at her place. We both made pizzas with small challenges, and it was genuinely the most fun I’ve ever had. After I got home today, though, I started feeling very depressed. It felt like there was a rock on my chest, and I feel like the only way to make this feeling go away is to tell her how I feel. But I know it would definitely ruin our friendship because she has said a lot of things that exclude me from her dating preferences, along with some small backhanded comments that have confirmed to me that she would not date me. I honestly don’t know what to do.
I have tried to make new friends but it is nowhere near close to what my girl bestfriend and I have.
She is the only person I can tell everything to without being judged except for this, I guess :,)