When my boyfriend and I first met he openly admitted he had issues with alcohol in the past but left it in the past tense. I noticed it might be more of an issue because one day he was supposed to come over and accompany me while I recovered from minor surgery. On this day he brought himself a couple of drinks and I didn’t think too much about it since we were just relaxing at my house. As the day continued, however, I noticed how intoxicated he was and this triggered the first red flag. This prompted the first real discussion where he admitted he still struggled to stop drinking when he started. I tried to support him as much as possible without judging him and explained how different he became when he was drunk. He’s not violent, he just gets incredibly insecure and needed constant assurance that I wasn’t mad at him/ wouldn’t leave him. He agreed he wouldn’t drink like that in front of me anymore. The second red flag appeared when we have plans but day of, he stopped responding to my messages and wouldn’t answer my calls until later when he told he he had a medical emergency involving one of his pets. I truly believed him but after realizing his family (he still lives at home) had no idea this medical emergency happened, I suspected he might be lying. Fast forward to this week a similar situation occurred and I outwardly asked him if he was drinking to which he said he wasn’t. Later, he admitted he lied to me. We talked about a game plan and what he could do to get help and while he sounds like he wants to get help, I’m just not seeing a lot of follow through right now. I just don’t know if these things need more support and encouragement before they start to payoff or if I’m being insensitive by thinking he’s not getting better because he’s not willing to put in the work. Anyone else have a similar experience?
TL;DR
My boyfriend has a drinking problem and is aware of it but I’m not too sure how I can continue to support him to get help to stop drinking without making him feel judged.