I need advice after a Brutal Realization after a threesome
Triggerwarning, since this is my experience of hitting my personal rock bottom just a couple of hours ago, but I wont be too graphically. Sorry if my thoughts are quiet messy by now.
It sounds made up for sure, but It was real and so are my struggles and emptines after this...
First of all I'm not a native english speaker, so sorry for some grammar mistake or a minimalistic vocabulary.
Over the last 8 Years I struggled with the sissy fetish, grew out of insecurity, curiosity and a sort of wrong safetines but never really "commited" too much.
But I never popped the bubble and actually sexually interfered with another person (in this sissy persona).
Sadly I was incredibly horny for the last couple of days and decided to chat with other people on Grindr were I stumbled on a couple (Transwoman and her bf). I decided to text them playfully which led to discussing a threesome.
Without being too detailed, we transformed the plans to reality, both were honestly very kind towards me, but the longer it went, the more disgusted I felt towards me.
Now I'm just feeling empty, yet my head is full of chaos and thoughts and I have this indiscribable disgusting taste in my mouth even after brushing my teeth like a maniac.
Idk what to do and how to continue tomorrow like a normal functional adult as the "me" I was confortable in.
I'll throw away all the items and clothes and what so ever, but I would like to know what you could advice me after falling in such a pit, full of shame and disgust towards me.
Please help me I fell lost ...