Feel betrayed by someone I love
I was ranting about my incestous csa to someone I absolutely adore, I wouldn't be here without them. No I will not be cutting ties with them even though this has definitely thrown me off from wanting to ever talk about anything related to this again. I have a very bad trauma bond with my abuser, I fantasise about them and I do miss them. This person that I ranted to is the only person who knows about this and is the only person I trust to tell about all these icky intrusive thoughts about. From the small things like missing my abuser's voice to wanting to go back to my abuser, and this person has been so supportive through it all with no judgement. It's been a while since I last ranted about it because I want to try and reduce it, but things were just really bad that night. I don't know if that person was in a bad place or trying to make a joke but to my long paragraph where I also talked about more than JUST my trauma bond all they said was how me and my abuser would've been a cute couple had we not been family or met when I was a child. This has never come out of their mouth before I don't understand why they suddenly blurted that out. Not a single other word to my other rants in that text, no comfort, just... that. I'm just so hurt I don't want to talk to them for a while but we see each other everyday and it's just a very complicated thing. I still absolutely love this person but that was so hurtful I've closed up ever since and I feel so alone. Why can no one ever be normal when us victims try to rant about these things. I know it's not something most people know how to react to but surely that was not something you'd think to say to someone whos actively battling a trauma bond AND in general. I'm angry and sad someone I cared about, who I considered my soulmate, would ever say something so ridiculous. I don't know how to bring it up to them either, how it hurt that they said that. They're going through a lot right now and I'm genuinely afraid to bring this thing up to them (I had to personally send them to the hospital today) I just don't know what to do.