u/Immediate-Peace-6603

I am completely alone. I’m a unattractive mid 30s minority in a white/black area. I lost my job, my dog, my car, my girl this past two months. My family has abandoned me and I have no relationship with them. I have obscene amounts of college debt and I had to sell all of my favorite things to pay for a trip I don’t even want to go on and when I said I’m only coming for part of it all of my friends attacked me and said I was making it all about me. My girl is talking to a new guy and my best friend has been with them two times and didn’t tell me. I spend all of my time alone because I work from home in a dead end job. I don’t own a home and don’t have kids. My life is going nowhere and Bpd (diagnosed by 3 psychiatrists and 4 therapists) causes me physical pain every single day. I am miserable and in pain with no hope and no reason to feel hope. My mind is made up. But I am only worried about what people will think of me when I’m gone. If anyone has experience with someone who has taken their own life, and are willing to share and it’s not too painful to relive please give me some insight.