21/F and 21/M Am I reading too much into bf behavior?
TL;DR: bf behavior is concerning me
How do I tell him that his anger needs to be worked on?
for context I 21/F have been with bf 21/M for nearly 3 years.
Most has been long distance bc college. We both come from very different upbringing and relationship experience ( I had 0, he had 1 serious gf before me and 1 other one that was really short) We had issues in the beginning because he was paranoid I’d cheat. All that is over now but I feel like I see red flags sometimes in his behavior. It’s usually small things but sometimes they are big. For one when we argue his solution is to ignore me and make it 100% my fault. He will ignore me for anything he deems worthy of it for hours to a whole day. I will always be the one to apologize but then he gets upset that i apologize? Even though he has maybe only apologized to me once. He also does not enjoy hearing about my life. He always tells me about his days and work with excitement and I listen intently, but when I speak, he just blows over it and ignores me.
Finally he does have some anger issues that come up once in awhile. He is much bigger than me and hasn’t physically hurt me but part of me is afraid he will. In the gym I once spotted him on a bench press incorrectly in his family home gym( he was 100% okay his brother works out with us and his brother and I forgot to assign someone- I helped him and he easily pushed it up) he yelled and slammed the weight as I helped him. He yelled some profanities and shoved past me outside. It was loud and scary enough that his parents and other brother ran in. He cooled off and his parents got mad at him but I was still scared of him in that moment. Another time also in the gym I tossed my phone to him to hold and told him too late so it hit his hand. I did not throw it hard or intentionally try to hurt his hand. He got upset and threw my phone with full force right past my head and it hit the wall. He never apologized and I was scared he was aiming for my head. He tells me he will never hurt me and that it’s my fault for messing up and being sensitive about it. These instances don’t happen often, I think the bench one was the end of last summer when I was from college. So it has been awhile since the big incidents happened. But I feel that it might still happen in the future and I always feel like I am never allowed to make him mad or be mad myself . I love him so so much and he is so kind to me. But I don’t know how to bring up that his anger is a problem. Please help !