Friend giving me the silent treatment — I’m anxious and confused
I 21F am in college and have a friend in my class who I used to be quite close with. We’ve spent a lot of time together and generally considered each other good friends.
I struggle with mental health, low energy, and sometimes feeling overwhelmed socially. Because of that, I occasionally say no to going out even if I originally agreed. I’ve tried to be open about this with her, and she knows it’s not personal—it’s usually about my capacity that day.
However, this has caused tension between us.
At one point, she actually lashed out and directly said “you don’t want me.” I explained again that it wasn’t personal and that I do value her friendship, but I struggle with consistency due to my mental health and energy levels. After that, things felt better and we had a nice hangout. I explained that going forward, we should keep plans realistic, and that I usually can only confirm my availability about a day in advance. She seemed okay with it.
There was also a situation in the hospital in the past. I had surgery and was recovering. She came to visit me with mutual friends and stayed for several hours. I was very exhausted, and I eventually said it was getting late, thanked them for coming, and gently said they should probably head off because I didn’t want to trouble them and needed to rest. I tried to be polite and not make it awkward. After that, she didn’t check on me for a few days while I was still recovering. She later told me she felt “I had kicked her out” and was upset. I apologized and clarified I didn’t mean it that way. After that, she started venting to me about her own personal issues instead of checking in on me.
More recently, she moved down the street from me and asked me to help her on moving day. I went to help her.
When I arrived, I accidentally knocked on the wrong door in the building (the landlord’s door instead of hers). It was an honest mistake because I wasn’t familiar with the building. I immediately apologized to both the landlord and her. She seemed very embarrassed because it was her first day moving in and later asked if I had said anything else to the landlord, which I hadn’t.
After that, her behavior toward me changed. She became very distant—short replies, delayed responses, and overall coldness. It feels like she is avoiding me or giving me the silent treatment.
I know this might all sound silly or awkward, but I’m genuinely anxious. I hate being treated this way and it’s been about 2–3 days since we last had a normal conversation, and the silence feels heavy and unsettling for me.
She also often vents to me 24/7! about her boyfriend and personal issues, and I usually just listen and try to be supportive without judgment.
Right now, I feel confused because from my perspective:
• I didn’t intentionally hurt her in any situation
• I’ve apologized when mistakes happened
• I’ve been honest about my mental health and limits
• and I’ve still tried to be there for her emotionally
But she seems upset and distant, and I don’t know if I’ve genuinely done something wrong or if this is a mismatch in expectations.
Any perspective would be appreciated.