Back story…I am 33 years old and my husband and I have been TTC for six months. We did fertility testing before we actually started trying. The test results showed I have a very low AMH for my age. Usually a doctor would advise trying for a year, but with my levels they only gave us six months before we started looking at IVF/IUI options. We have an appointment to start that process in the next two weeks. My husband and I have been very open about this process with our close friends and family.
Two of my best friends in the past month have announced they’re expecting. The first friend is actually pregnant with her second baby. Both times she has gotten pregnant extremely quick and no issues. When she told me her news, she took me out to lunch and was super sensitive in telling me. It was nice that it was just the two of us. In the moment I felt nothing but joy for her. She sent a text to our friend group when she found out it was a girl. Still felt completely fine.
My second friend started trying a few months before my husband and I. She had a miscarriage in the fall which is absolutely horrible. I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been. She just announced they are 12 weeks along with their rainbow baby. She just sent a text to me about the news and how they are so happy and excited. I feel like a monster because of course I am happy for her but I am filled with jealousy and sadness. Today while all of us are at work and she sends us a video of their gender reveal (they are also having a girl). My other friend that’s pregnant said in the group text that she had a dream they were both having girls and that just completely broke me. I had to close my office door because I just burst into tears….I felt such a deep sadness. I’ve already muted the group chat and deleted all of my social media apps. I just can’t see that not just from them but anyone right now.
She’s invited all of us over to her house in the next two weeks for a girls night and celebrate both her and our other friend. This also happens to be the same day as my first fertility appointment. I really don’t think I could go and I feel like the worst friend. Am I being crazy?