AITA for resenting my husband’s family situation even though I know it isn’t anyone’s fault?
My husband’s dad was diagnosed with ALS about 3 years ago. If you don’t know, ALS is a terminal disease where your muscles slowly stop working while your mind stays fully aware. Watching someone mentally present while their body fails is horrific.
My FIL is now at the point where he can barely do anything on his own besides still talk some. My husband’s family used to be happy and normal — dinners together, vacations, board games, all of it. Now every day revolves around survival.
My MIL and teenage SIL live with him in a tiny 2 bed/1 bath apartment that isn’t built for someone this disabled. My husband is basically the only person physically capable of lifting his dad to the bathroom. They literally use a computer chair to roll him down carpet because the transport chair won’t fit. It’s exhausting and dangerous, but there aren’t many options financially.
On top of caregiving, there’s constant fighting between my MIL and SIL. Their arguments are nonstop and drag everyone into them. The worst part is my FIL has to sit there and hear it all while trapped in his condition.
My husband spends most of his life putting out fires for his family. We can’t make plans without worrying about getting a phone call. Date nights, trips, even simple quality time get interrupted constantly. I feel guilty even typing that because I know his dad is dying, but I miss my husband so much and he’s right in front of me.
I’ve become angry, bitter, and depressed. I resent the situation, sometimes even the people involved, even though I know logically they’re struggling too. I feel selfish because his priority obviously should be his dad right now, but it feels like our marriage no longer has room for “us.” Every conversation somehow becomes about the crisis.
I’ve tried therapy, time off work, communicating better, planning small things together, etc. Nothing really changes because the reality is his dad’s condition keeps getting worse. My husband has also emotionally shut down a lot through all this, which makes me feel even more alone.
I love my husband deeply and have supported him through everything. I’m not angry that he helps his dad. I’m angry at what this disease has done to everyone and what it’s done to our relationship.
AITA for feeling resentful and burned out over all of this?