Howdy. I'm (M24) currently on vacation with my husband (M44). We're actually on vacation for our anniversary. But... I can't help but feel a little depressed. I know there's the age factor, I'm young he's old, I understand that he won't have a high libido like I do. It's just that I feel like he doesn't like me. I don't think he's turned off by me..at least I hope haha..I try to give him oral often, and that's as far as our sex life goes.
I do have a long list of kinks and fetishes, none of which are necessary, just more so fantasies that I would love to try some day. He's more vanilla, he's fine with anilingus being performed on him and the norm. I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with that, it's just that he doesn't want to participate in the things I like or want. Then I offer to do anything he could possibly want, and he just doesn't take me up on the offer.
We are sorta open, we may go to a sauna or bath house together and swing. It's fine, but it's not him. He's even suggested I try hook up sites to try and find a Dom for myself. I tried it, but it just led to me talking to people and just ghosting them for some reason or another. It usually boils down to, I don't want to "cheat" on him. Even though I have "permission", I don't want to do it. But then it's also to the point where I kinda enjoy talking to people, because since they only see me as a toy it's really the only sexual gratification I get.
I'm so confused about it. And this hasn't just been going on for our marriage, it's been like this for a few years. I'm not even sure if he's bothered by our current sex life. But the slightly crazy part is, this is the only problem with our relationship. We have a great house, a dog, a cat, he's amazingly sweet, extremely supportive, and would literally give you his clothes off his back to help you out. He is the greatest and smartest troll and asshole I know. I could literally go on for days about all the things that are great and funny and silly about him. I absolutely love him to the ends of our unknown universe and never want to leave his side.
...but what can I do to make him love me again?...