it wouldn't just make my weekend this time, it would mean the world. but i don't think you're looking for me. tbf, im not looking for you either anymore because i can't do that to myself. if you wanted to reach out you do know exactly where to find me but i don't blame you for staying away, even if i wish it was different.
my final voiceless hope is that somehow my thoughts and (lack of) actions telepathically travel across space-time to be understood by you. i hope you know how sorry am i. if you don't, i only have myself to blame for that.
i think with anyone else this would have sucked but i would have been over it long before i perma-nuked everything with my last message, but it wasn't with anyone else. it was with you, because of you, because i was so scared at how deeply i felt about you. and none of that matters because i ignored you as a friend and only felt the pain of unrequited love. something i desperately wish i could have separated when i knew you.
i see stuff on the unsent project to my name, sometimes it could be from you, esp recently bc of last weekend being significant. (i really wish i had gone. my friends didn't want me to go.) but im probably just seeing what i want to see. its harder to ignore stuff to my last name and tag but that was over a year or two ago at this point. like i said, i don't think you're looking for me
i guess i dont need you to reach out. but i wish you do, even now because i guess im a sicko. im voiceless by design but if you ever said hi again, i just wish we could actively put this behind us or move forward, rather than passively letting everything expire.
but that's just my hope. you probably see it completely differently and at this point ive accepted that. you only got to see the unafraid and unanxious me irl twice before i started collapsing in weird ways and it sucks knowing that probably will never change.
to making amends,