u/Immediate_Plum_8105

Hi all, so this is an update post on previous posts I made some weeks ago now.

For context, I am 25 years old and was a heavy HEAVY smoker. I smoked anywhere from 2-3.5g a day in spliffs for at least 6 years I would have said, maybe more. And I mean, I NEVER missed a day. As of last month, I was the last stoner in the group. This at the time felt very isolating. I was constantly racked with guilt that I was the only one left who enjoyed it that I knew of. I also have battled for the better part of 2 years with putting the spliffs down for a while. Which I found hard to come to terms with. Not as much because I didn’t feel capable, but more so understanding simply ‘why?’ I wanted to do so. I didn’t want social pressure to quit be the reason I put it down, however, I knew I needed a break for my futures sake.

Weed has been a tremendous experience for me. I made and met many friends through smoking. I had countless fun experiences that I don’t think I would have gotten to be a part of without it. So I wouldn’t say that it impacted my life negatively in that aspect. But financially? Yeah, I let weed ruin my bank account for as long as I can remember. I prioritised my next high way too often and at the time, I couldn’t remember what it was like to live a day without it. No sense of normal feeling. And spent every living hour thinking of or being high.

It is now quite some time on and I wanted to share that I have flipped my use upside down. I started off by tapering my joint useage out. I went two days off, then had one in the evening the following day to start with. Then I would continue to have one an evening for that specific week. The following week, I would add one more day to my clean streak and have one in the evening the following day etc. I did this until I have now finally built up to having 7 days clean without a single puff. I cannot emphasise enough just how monumental this has been for me. Simply knowing I could go to sleep without it, changed my way of thinking. I feared for a long time that I just would not be able to put it down, even after a clean streak.

Fast forward to now, I indulged in one on Friday night following another stretch of almost 7 days clean. I was immaculately baked. And I never thought I’d be the one to say this, but I don’t mean in a good way. As soon as I finished my spliff, it felt like I had never smoked it before. I was mentally all over the place. Rushes of anxiety, thinking about my heartbeat again as if I’m 17 trying it for the first time again. Although parts of it felt enjoyable, I hated the feeling at the time. Even went so far as to throw the gram I bought out the window, thus solidifying I don’t think I could smoke it again if that’s what it’s going to be like.

I made this post to give advice to anyone who’s thinking of trying to quit and the best way to do so. I believe tapering the weed out helps incredibly with any withdrawals, and it makes you realise you’re more capable of putting it down than you realise. Those little wins you have of going that extra day each week really helped me to build up some good momentum.

Coming from someone who was a functional heavy stoner and never had issues being out in public or doing normal day to day activities on it, this most recent experience on Friday has incredibly put me off from trying it again for a long while. I can’t say that I won’t for certain, as I do still have that little voice in my head saying ‘go on, just have one’, but I do feel way more capable of saying no to that voice at the minute.

I do still feel a sense of loss and kinda sad in a way that I want to let go of it, but I know that it’s better for me personally right now.

If anybody has any advice on how I can keep the ball rolling, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

(Also posted in r/marijuana)

This will be my final post regarding my struggles with getting a grip on if weed is right for me at this point in my life.

For context, I have made posts recently about me being the last one I know that still smokes daily (I’m 25 nearly 26 for reference). This has been a big part of my lifestyle since I was 18. And for the past 5/6 years I’ve probably smoked at least 4 spliffs a day after work. On weekends I maintain a strict have a spliff every 2 hours plus. This is something I have now done for a very long time. I now feel guilty each time I have a spliff as I feel I am the only one who is ever high. And it feels like it’s making me paranoid about my life and what that says about me.

As of late, I have managed to significantly cut this down. The past two weeks, I have started my weeks from Sunday-Tuesdays without a spliff. Then one a night around 7-9 pm until the weekend. This is massive for me considering any free time I had, I would be getting baked.

I guess my main concerns are the fact that I tell myself it helps my creative process due to me having big dreams of wanting to be successful in content creation and as a musician. It can massively feel like it gives me an edge of ‘not caring’ of outside critique and I tend to take leaps I feel I wouldn’t normally take. I tell myself it’s helped me see places and meet a lot of people I normally wouldn’t have and be involved in certain social events I wouldn’t have normally gotten to be a part of if it wasn’t for smoking weed. Don’t get me wrong, this is definitely true in a lot of aspects, but this is the big thing. I have been doing it daily for that long, I no longer know if I actually do need it to be who I want to be. It feels like weed is somewhat ‘my thing’ and is part of my identity at this point.

The reason why I am so torn with taking a break/quitting, is because I do sometimes feel myself wanting to be sober. I do miss having consistent feelings rather than them being blurred. I constantly compare my habits to successful people, googling if so and so smokes weed and if so, how often? It gives me some sort of comfort knowing you can be successful still being a stoner. But this does not mean it is right for everyone. Although I have still managed to maintain some relative success now I’ve found the right job for me outside of my big dreams.

Ticking my weed has definitely been a big downfall in my life. I have consistently had big weed debts of over a grand and am always playing catchup each and every month. I have been working 10 years and have never once made money last until the end of the month. Knowing I spend most of my money on weed and shit food.

When I split up with my long term girlfriend and all the drama that followed, i told myself I would stop smoking. To try and better myself. This was nearly 2 years ago now. And my habits have not changed once until these past two weeks. I just feel like I am struggling to let it go. It has been a source of strength for me at times. Being comfortable with not going out every weekend and getting fucked up on drink and other drugs is a big reason why I found comfort in being on my own and smoking and gaming instead. But now I just feel straight up lonely. I haven’t even been with a woman in over a year and as much as this may feel like TMI, it’s a big thing that plays in my mind. I feel that the weed has amplified any social anxiety I used to have and put it to the max. Yes this may be due to the drama I have had over the years with a particular group of friends I’ve hung around with and may explain why I feel super self conscious with them. But I do find I feel that way in any pub/social setting similar. Don’t get me wrong, I have still done a hell of a lot of different things that dont revolve around smoking and have partaken in more than my fair share of parties and nights out. I can only think that the weed isn’t helping with that as much as it helps me in other aspects though. I want to get a hold of my habit, but it feels like it’s my comfort blanket. I just can’t help but feel impending doom when I lay in bed on a night that I’ve wasted my 20s prioritising when I’m going to get the chance to smoke next, and doing anything I can to make it happen. I do feel like it has been good for me too in a sense, it’s just that, ‘is it good for me anymore?’ feeling I can’t seem to escape or even want to try and find out. I just mentally still feel like I see the world through teenage eyes at times rather than a grown man like everyone else seems to.

There’s a hell of a lot more to my relationship with weed but overall, I wanted to get some final opinions on it. Anyone who’s felt similar or is struggling to evaluate if quitting is right for you at this point in time, please let me know. Thank you for your time!