I feel crazy for feeling upset that my mum is making a prom dress which I do not want.
For context: my mother is one of those mums who thinks she is better than everyone else constantly saying phrases like "I'm not like other black people" (she herself is black. Ironic I know.), "This is why black people are always...", "I am above that class". You could say she has a superiority complex (which i mistakenly said to her face and never heard the end of it). She is also one of those mums who dictates her child's life. There has never been a moment we she hasn't berated for my choices ESPECIALLY if she doesn't agree with them.
Say for example I want to wear an alternative T-shirt, she would first say how it's demonic, how society would react to it, then go on a rant saying how only depressed people dress like it, how people who don't follow their parents dress like it and how it would be an embarrassment wearing it, bonus points if she thinks it looks like male clothing she'll point that out and use the term "You have to dress ladylike" which I HATE but what can I do really when it's my mother I'm up against (I have an absent father).
Main point: Well, around the first week of July I have prom. I'm happy I finished my exams I worked hard and now a late night prom in the summer with my friends I'm excited of course!! But I know that especially for something like prom with a DRESS, my mum is going to go above and beyond to dictate my choice. I wouldn't say I have bad fashion taste. It's not like I wanted to wear a suit (not that there's anything wrong with that but if I did, that would be worse because I know she would berate me even worse if I did). My objective was to find a dress that I LIKED and convince her to buy it. After going all over aliexpress I found one. I liked it. I showed her. She liked it somewhat but the delivery date was too close to the date with a chance of it arriving late. I showed her some others and her responses went from yes to "the reviews of the dress look bad" to "what if i make you a dress".
I didn't want her to make me a dress. Let me go deeper into why.
My mother has this tactic of asking a question let's say for example. Do you like apples or bananas. If she preferred apples and god forbid I say banana she would say. "But apples look nicer and better for health", "Why don't you like apples", "Are you sure", "Instead of picking the healthier option this is what you've chosen.", "Apples are much better for eating and you've chosen a banana???", "Bananas are not all that great". And this continues until my opinion of bananas is invalidated and dismissed. As usual.
So with the dress it started with me saying I want a dress with straps because I don't like a dress with tight shoulders. Is that so wrong. I'd wear a strapless waist trainer and a chiffon scarf with the whole outfit being a deep purple. That's what I wanted. Instead of that she wanted a dress with sleeves, so my waist trainer would have straps, a shrug/cardigan and a lighter colour of purple overall. I did not want these things. She didn't care she kept adamantly telling me that my opinion was wrong using a condescending tone that wasn't directly saying it; saying things like "You need to know what styles will suit you", "You haven't been out in the world you don't just throw anything on", "Fashion works on measurements", "I will make you a lovely dress".
This was my prom. I wanted to dress how I liked. I wanted to choose my own dress. Is that so wrong. This always happens and I can't do anything about it.
We had an argument over this chiffon. I tried to explain to her what I wanted I even made her pinky promise (childish but any reassurance helped) that she wouldn't shout, raise her voice or try to berate me because I know her behaviours well enough to know how she'd react. She, of course, broke that pinky promise when I tired to show her that I wanted a flowy cardigan that would match the vibe of my dress with space for the sleeves because I have big-ish arms I even showed her picture where she then said: "You haven't been out in the world you don't just throw anything on". She then told me to take my shirt off and wear the waist trainer she picked out. I had to. In front of her. And then she told me to change my bra because my boobs were saggy and that, "The moment a teenager has stretchmarks on her boobs its over". I already do. She insulted my body saying I was fat some more body shaming. She then went on a long winded rant where she no longer acted coy with her language and said how she is going to make it whether I like it or not or I won't go at all, then continued to talk about how teenagers like me don't want guidance and that's how they end up depressed and needing help as adults and also adding a little section about how I should be grateful I have a mother like her to guide me. I just wanted to pick my own fucking prom dress.
We also argued over whether my dress would have ruffles or overlay fabric for the dress she did her usual tactic like the "apples or bananas", asking me "ruffles or overlay". I said overlay she gaslights me into saying ruffles and I go with it to make her happy. I hate it.
I went away and cried she later came down apologised asked me to forgive her. I said the words. I got it over with. I didn't forgive her not really. She's done this same thing over and over I was tired of it. I then scrolled some more and found a prom dress that I LOVED. Under £80, purple, flowy sleeves, a-line and good reviews + next day delivery with a good size chart. I was so happy I went to show her and said she no longer needed to make me a dress.
I was so happy. Genuinely. I was smiling and happy that I got to pick my own dress, it looked pretty even she agreed it looked nice and she asked me what to do with the material she had already bought. I felt bad I felt guilty for telling her to return it or keep it for other projects but for once I wanted to be selfish and get to pick my OWN style.
For all of what seemed liked 30 minutes of pure joy she came up to me and told me she was making my dress and she wasn't going to buy the dress I had picked, all with a smile on her face with no remorse no considerations of my feelings and that it would be better and I would supposedly love it. My face I'm assuming was devastated because of her comment right after telling me that I should smile more.
I genuinely felt gutted. I feel as if she was being selfish honestly. She wanted to make a dress that would fit her preferences that her daughter would wear. I'm her daughter. I wanted a dress I picked myself and that didn't align with what she wanted so she decides that what I wanted no longer matters. That's how it feels. It feels like I am invalid for wanting to pick my own dress.
Don't get me wrong I know she would make a beautiful dress. But I wanted my own.
Am i in the wrong for wanting my own dress? Honestly I want to know if im a terrible daughter or not.
(I'm sorry this is so long but I would be grateful if anyone was willing to read this and comment it would mean a lot. At this rate this is just a way to get an opinion on others on if my feelings are valid or not but oh well).
Edit: I acted flippant as she trying to tailor it to me and kept saying "i dont mind", "its okay", "whatever you want" and she called me ungrateful to which i said "sorry for wanting to get my own dress" like omdss im tired 😭 its just getting annoying.