Hi everyone. I've never posted anything like this and it's so hard to type this, please bear with me if I'm all over the place.
So basically, I became a shell of myself because of someone I believed to be my friend.
The context is nursing school. I befriended someone in the beginning of the year, and I made sure to include her in my group and share study resources with her (notes, apps, etc). Everything was fine, I was supportive of my new friend...I hyped her up and was just generally her cheerleader. A month ago, she began to treat me differently. I noticed she was quieter one day and asked her if she felt well, only to find out it was me she was different towards. She began to do a number of things that were disparaging to say at the least.
She began to compare us. I kid you not, we received our exam scripts and she peered at mine. I felt so icky and violated whenever she did this. I think it's invasive. In any case, I did really well in one exam, and felt so happy because I'd been struggling with the subject before, but she said this mean comment that brought me right down, and I was unable to feel excited and proud of how hard I'd worked anymore. Other things she did was to ostracize me from conversations, and to just be rude. For example, we were all standing in line to use a clock out machine and she just cut the line and stood in front of me. She did not ask, did not apologize. I told her it was not cool to me nor the people behind me. She turned her back and ignored me.
I considered that I might have done something to upset her, and I asked if I did, believing that a quick honest chat was the most mature solution. She said no I hadn't done anything wrong or offensive, and denied the whole thing. It continued. She would ignore me all day then talk to me when she needed something, like to ask me to turn on my hotspot for her.
All of this sort of drained me and I got to where I am now. I withdrew. At my normal, I'm the stereotype enfj. I survive by being near others, interacting and being of help. But after my friend, I started feeling anxious and dreadful and I sort of shut down. Some people saw this, and they kept asking me if I was okay, because I was suddenly quiet. I've been trying to be more lively, because I don't want to be the sourpuss who worries people, but I still feel low. I'm literally a hollowed out shell of my past self right now. I can't speak with anyone, I can't really do anything without freezing or feeling inadequate.
I'm sorry about the long paragraphs, but yeah. Basically, how do you regain your self-worth or self-esteem after someone who you believed to be your friend hurts you badly? Or, better yet, how do I go back to my former self? For someone who finds joy in making friends and being sociable - how do I return to that state?