vent bc idk who else to talk to
hi i think this is my first time posting here but i've always read through this sub to validate the pain/loneliness i've gone through as the scapegoat of a narc family. my question to anybody reading this is how do you cope with not just the intense suicidal ideation but just the sadness of realizing this is the deck you've been handed in life? that seems to be my biggest struggle atm. i'm financially crippled by narc mother so i can't leave as of right now (although trying my best to get work). i also don't have a significant other or any friends to distract me or help me. i'm 19f, neurodivergent with bpd. i constantly fantasize about someone saving or rescuing me however i'm not exactly the most outgoing or beautiful girl so i know that would not happen. it all just becomes unbearable. i truly just hate my entire family and the life i've had to endure with them. the only person i really love is my grandma however she's an enabler of my narc mom and any other problem that goes on in our household so she's not really a safe space for me either. i deal with a lot of verbal abuse (extreme neglect when i was a child) and it's hard to deal with that as well because i don't have anyone to tell me that what they say about me isn't true. i'd rather not live than do this anymore and i'm sure the people in this sub understand that. not sure where to go from here as there's not for much me anymore but just thought i'd vent .