u/Important-Pie4322

Hi, I’ve been reading this subreddit for the past few months and it has done wonders to make me feel less alone. Thank you to everyone who has posted, as I’ve learned a lot of my mother’s behaviors weren’t normal. To make a very long story short, my mother is undiagnosed with BPD. A lifetime of behaviors and abuse made this clear, but I don’t want to fill up this entire post talking about all of it. These past few months leading up to now have been especially bad, filled with her screaming, trashing the house, pushing away my entire family, and constant threats of harm to herself. I’ve been on the fence about posting here to ask for advice until now, because I’ve hit a point where I could use wisdom from people who have more experience than me. 

The major thing I’d like insight on is how you handled going VLC / NC with BPD parents, and how to prepare for it. My mother found out a few months ago in a divorce hearing about my plans to move hundreds of miles away with my father for college. As you can imagine, she didn’t take it well. She’ll slam doors around the house when I’m trying to sleep, turn my room upside down “searching for \[her\] stuff”, argue with my family, and take every opportunity she can to degrade me. The past 2 weeks however, she recently came around to simply pouting and saying she’ll leave my room as it is so it’ll be the same when I come back, but I’ve had my mind set for the past year to go low contact and potentially no contact. I don’t know how to go about asking for my birth certificate or any other important documents I may need, or if going no-contact is just as simple as blocking her on everything I have left. I deleted all of my social media accounts months ago to prepare to drop off the radar so she can’t find me easily, but I don’t know if that’s enough. Any advice, insight, or even stories would help me out a lot.



The other thing I’d like insight on is my high school graduation. To put it simply, my father and I have been arguing over the past few weeks because I don’t want to attend my graduation. I feel like it’s not a big milestone or accomplishment, and due to the school I attend I just simply don’t want to go. The argument got especially nasty today, and it’s the main thing that prompted me to make this post. I know damn well I could just attend the graduation ceremony, walk across the stage, and leave, but I’m filled with dread just thinking about it. My uBPD mother is under the assumption I’m not attending, and said graduation is a bore and I should skip it. If I’m being honest, I’m worried that the main reason I don’t want to attend my own graduation is because of her. I’m worried that the reasons I gave above are just excuses to not go because what I’m scared of is her ruining another moment in my life. I think the fact I’m writing this probably means that’s true, but I want to hear it from someone else.



I’m terrified at the prospect of her finding out I’m attending and forcing her way into the celebration as well. If she finds out I’m attending, I know she’ll go and make the entire thing about her, how hard this journey was for her, how it hurts her to see me all grown up, etc. The idea of her going is horrifying, as it means people around me could see how dysfunctional she is. She hasn’t called me by my first name in years, just “the child.” I’d be mortified if any of my friends or teachers heard this. I don’t even have the words to express how desperately I’d want to change my name and move to the other side of the globe. 

To add on, I’m also worried that she could find out I did attend and didn’t invite her. I already know this would lead to a tantrum where she’d be inconsolable. The kind of tantrum where I come back to shattered plates, my entire family being told I’m an ungrateful bitch, my stuff thrown out, etc. The entire situation all around is just a headache I’d rather avoid, but I feel guilty because I have 3 family members who DO want to attend. I know even if I don’t care, they’ll be disappointed if I don’t go.



Thank you to anyone who reads & replies. I’m sorry if my formatting is odd, it’s my first time ever posting on reddit. 

Cat Haiku:

The soft gentle purrs

by the sunlit window tell

of better tomorrows.