It feels like I’m talking to a different person after our breakup
Me (23M) and my ex gf (24F) broke up mid-December last year. She told me she was slowly losing the spark in our relationship and wanted to choose herself first and grow individually. The breakup itself hurt, but what hurt me more was how cold and distant she became afterwards. I spent around 2 months trying to save the relationship — giving extra effort, trying to communicate, trying to fix things — but it felt like I was talking to a completely different person already.
We eventually went no contact multiple times, but we also kept breaking it. At one point she reached out again through our capstone/thesis since I was their developer before, and we started talking again from time to time. We even had a deep conversation where we both admitted we still missed each other and still cared. She admitted she was happy to have a reason to message me and said she still kept our memories, photos, and things connected to me. We both agreed that unclear contact was emotionally painful and that no contact might be healthier.
Fast forward to now (5 months later), we still occasionally talk, mostly about OJT, thesis, graduation, life updates, etc. But honestly, it feels like I’m talking to a different person now. Her replies are often dry or late, sometimes taking days. I can feel that she limits herself emotionally whenever we talk, especially because I know her so well after years together. It feels like there’s still care and connection, but emotionally distant at the same time.
The confusing part is that whenever we talk, there are days where I feel okay because at least we still talk. But there are also days where I overthink because suddenly the energy changes again — yesterday she replied warmly, then today it feels cold again. I even asked her out once casually to eat and I wasn’t even disappointed anymore when she indirectly rejected it because I already expected it.
At this point, I honestly don’t know if continuing communication is healthy anymore. It feels like we’re stuck in this “almost something but not really” situation where neither of us fully lets go, but nothing is actually progressing romantically either.
Has anyone experienced something similar where your ex still cares about you, still talks to you, but emotionally feels so distant already? How did you handle it?