Struggles after marriage advice? Encouragement. 38 M -38F
I’m just looking for advice or positive feedback if people have been through this. Been having a rough go mentally lately here is my story.
I was married at 30 and she had 2 beautiful daughters, one from a previous marriage, and another from dating. We ended up having our one daughter right away.
We were married for 4 years and bought a beautiful house together back in 2018. After the divorce we sold it 2023.
I would say the first two years of our marriage were great. Then the fighting started to get worse and worse. In the last year it became a sexless marriage. I admit I was stubborn and took to drinking rather than talking about it. Seemed like every time I would try to talk about it, it felt like she would twist it around and make it my fault. A lot of rejection it felt like, which is the worst.
Well I ended up taking a new job which would require a lot of traveling and more money. We were fighting when I left and she was dead set on filing for divorce which I figured a little space might be good for both of us. Well 6 months in and me working on the road a lot she filed. Which I thought was different she usually calmed down and we could talk it through. Not this time.
When I was gone I heard through someone that this other guy was sending packages to our house that we owned together. Which then I’m of course an over-thinker. Well come to find out, she’s been with or has been talking to this guy. He wasn’t from around there. Must have met on a dating website. Maybe she was cheating prior? Or have been talking to him prior? No clue it’s besides the point now.
Well she wasn’t even divorced from me and with this guy. She would deny it to me but exactly right after the divorce it came out. He would take flights to see her and she would go see him.
Me on the other hand drank and drank like an idiot. Made things worse. Said shit I regret saying that made me look pathetic. I got into some trouble a couple of years back, but now I’m almost a year sober and feeling so much better. And a way better relationship with my daughter. So thankful I decided to wake up.
I met a girl and was dating her for about a year. She was amazing. It showed me what it was like to have a healthy relationship. And she treated me with respect.
Well about a year into the relationship with the new my ex-wife decided to reach out and send old pictures of us and our family saying she. Missed me. She of course broke things off with that guy and was trying right away to reconcile with me.
I don’t know if it was trauma or just thinking of the fun memories with her. I ended it with the girl I had a healthy relationship with. I know it’s stupid. But for some reason my ex-wife was always in the back of my mind and always seemed to have a little hope.
So I started seeing my ex-wife again which I don’t know if you would call it dating. But started having sex again like I never got before. But here is the kicker. I told her I would never remarry. Something in my guy told me this wasn’t right.
Well we did that for about a year and even without alcohol she still put all the blame on me like she had nothing to do with our divorce. I’m pretty honest and admit my mistakes and where I went wrong. But there were still fights.
Anyways when things were going well with her. She completely stopped talking to me and wanting to hang out. Still talked with me about our daughter of course. I finally asked her if she was seeing some which she said yes. That broke me again. Almost the same shit she pulled. Like I was just a rebound. I took to drinking again until last November.
So in the end it’s been a year or longer since she was kind of with me. And just found out through my daughter that she is with a guy still. No clue if it’s the same guy. But my thing is why can’t she be single ever. I haven’t been looking and focusing on myself this last year but she hasn’t been single since we first started our relationship back in 2018. Doesn’t even seem like she took a month off. I guess my heart just hurts and I’m going through the emotions sober. And I do still love her.
My question is because I need/want to move on from her after 3 years of being divorced. I figured I don’t want to get with anyone until I’m totally over her and have a good mindset. I don’t want to do what I did to that girlfriend I had before and hurt her. But I need to move on and just seeing if anyone had been through this and what helped them. Thank you for reading.