What do you do to help you not go back to your abusive family???
I am in my late 20s. I met a wonderful husband who, while we were dating, got me to go to therapy. I love it, but it has been an eye-opener. I am really, really struggling now with feeling so alone. I have changed for the better and realized how abusive my family was, particularly from my father. I experienced emotional molestation- I raised my parents, not the other way around. I developed DID when I was 4. I have fibromyalgia, and because I was sick, they would get mad and have me do physical labor etc. There was a lot of abuse. I won't go too much into it. I had a wild childhood into adulthood. Since starting therapy 6 years ago, I have slowly spaced myself away from them. I have now cut off my father and am at arm's distance from my mom and siblings. I know my family is my husband, and I am so grateful for the safe space, love, and support he provides me, but I crave a family so badly. I want a mom and dad who take care of me and who love me no matter what, it makes it soooo hard to let go of them. I don't believe in this moment they are capable of that, though. When I interact with any of my family, I backtrack and become so distressed that I tend to treat my husband terribly. Not because I want to, but my parts take over, and my identities feel they need to attack verbally to feel safe. I am choosing to protect my family and peace by not interacting, but this is one of the most painful things. I think it's kinda threefold. One, I am trauma-bonded to my family, and trained, I am not loved unless I do what they want. Two, I want to be loved and taken care of by a parent. Finally, three, they aren't monsters, they are humans and have had moments where they genuinely care, and I remember those and want to forgive and forget every time. Those moments are not frequent enough, though, for me to put the effort into the relationship. I just want someone to adopt me as a full-grown woman and her husband to be in their family. I have tried getting close with my in-laws, but it isn't going to happen at this moment in time. Sorry, this is more of a rant than a question, but what do you do when you want a family so bad, without going back to your abusive one? Any ideas or motivation to help me not want to drop everything and let my family bulldoze me over and over? I will probably have a relationship with them just a phone call in the bluemoon to check up, but nothing, I hope for in a loving family. I don't have any kids yet, just a cute dog. I know as soon as I have kids, they will try to be involved to try to manipulate THEIR grandkid/ niece/ nephew.