Advice on teaching emotional regulation
I am a working single mom. My day starts at 5am by getting myself ready making breakfast and then waking him up at 6:45-7am. We are out the door by 7:30-7:45am, and are on our way to his preschool. I pick him up every day by five or sometimes earlier. He does not have any conditions. He’s a normal toddler IMO. We do not have a village yet, it is just him and I. I am stressed out of my mind and tired. Maybe a little desperate for relief.
At home we have a calming corner. I teach him his emotions. We read every night before bed. To paint a picture whenever he has a tantrum or meltdown, I get high level with him and remain calm, I hold both of his hands and I tell him to breathe and I model that. Obviously he’s still crying so I will label his emotion by asking. Are you feeling blank? And he will respond yes or no and then I ask if he would like a hug to which nine times out of 10 he says yes, and then he calms down. I guess you could say I co regulate him. He’s never been a fan of attachment to any objects I’ve tried. I just recently came up with a calming corner.
The school is constantly asking me what’s going on with him that he’s having behavior issues by crying all the time and wanting to be held or playing with toys for a little bit and then pushing them away and getting upset. He also ends up crying for me, and they mentioned that he knows which teacher to look for to pick him up. Now I understand from their position how frustrating this can be because they can’t constantly hold my child. Although I have told them not to, I’ve told them what I do, but I also understand that they can’t constantly stop and give him one on one time.
So I just don’t know what to do because I am a working single mom. OK my only free time is my drive to work and when he goes to bed. I am desperate.. The school has said that he is spoiled and I actually ended up going off on them about that because I don’t get the luxury to spoil him. Do you think I have time to hold him at home? Be fr. He’s very independent at home. I will say, though he is super attached to me, which is fucking obvious because I’m the only one in his life. We go to the park we go to church we go to restaurants. I try to make his lifestyle as normal as it can be in introducing into different environments and stuff and usually he does really good but I don’t understand why at school it’s always an issue.
I pay Hella money for this preschool because I work my ass off because I want him to have a good education. Which he is very advanced for his age, but I can’t with the little comments they make or constantly pulling me aside. I have asked them repeatedly. What can I do to help you guys? I have told you, but I do at home. Is there anything that you have noticed that I can implement at home? And it’s always a runaround. It just seems like they just want to complain to me.
If anyone could just give me some encouragement or what worked for you or a different perspective that I’m not looking at. I mean he is super attached to me. I feel I have tried everything, our routine is consistent so big changes are rare in our home. When he is around other people like let’s say we’re visiting family or friends. I disengage a little bit to allow others to form a connection with him and vice versa. I’m not constantly hovering over him so I just don’t understand.. and I’m tired of crying in my car.