u/Impossible-Lack-6299

TL;DR : My girlfriend and I work in the same place. She got very close to a new coworker in her department working next to her, very fast, didn’t tell him about us for weeks, blamed me for being insecure saying she wasn’t into him and so was he.

We broke up for a few weeks and I discovered once we got back together that he asked her to go to what looks very much like a date, where she kind of admitted she dated him during that period. I feel gaslighted and insecure because of her past abusive attitude towards me and I’m afraid she’d ruin my mood and reputation at work in case she ends up cheating on me with him, which feels too likely.

I’ve met my girlfriend at our workplace a year ago, we got quite close at a company event, and then used to text to each other a lot everyday.

Until I asked her out. Then we ended up dating for a few months until I decided to break up with her because she was verbally abusive, dismissive and quite manipulative.

There’s this new guy that arrived last january, he’s working the same job in the same department. We were a few months into the relationship at that time.

Shortly after, there was a company event where she stayed exclusively with him (just like we used to), was extremely talkative and kind of flirtatious.

He ended up gifting her a moderately expensive item the day after. And I noticed he added her on Instagram were I gradually noticed they talked every day (just like we used to)

At that time, I tried to talk to her respectfully about it to ease my anxiety because things didn’t always worked well and she was at times dismissive and extremely critical towards me. While I saw her being extremely nice and receptive to him… Without mentioning that guy ending up giving her gifts and texting her only a few days after meeting her.

My core problem was not so much the insecurity but the fact she had past history with other men in the office who claimed she was flirting with them and ended up gossiping heavily which impacted her somewhat but also me now that some people knew we were dating.

I work an office politics heavy job while she doesn’t, that’s why I asked her to at least not give him hope so we could both work without worries.

This ended up in an argument where she dismissed that he might be expecting more from her and that I was too insecure and no one would know for the gift. I also learnt she had not (after a few weeks and a lot of talking) told him she was dating me.

She eventually told him (while pretening it was only to make me comfortable) when he asked her on what looked exactly like a date pretending to bring other coworkers while I strangely wasn’t invited (in the end none of them came, obviously) but that she was sure he wasn’t trying to hit on her and neither was she.

I ended up breaking up with her respectfully months later because of her lack of respect, lies and dismissiveness among other things, which included that time with her coworker.

A few weeks ago we decided to talk about how things went wrong and she asked me to trust her this time and that she would change and that she really missed me. For the most part, she’s much nicer and respectful.

However, while browsing for restaurants with her on her phone, I’ve seen that guy DM notifications asking her if she wanted to come with him this week end for a museum visit with flirty emojis but no clear context, just two short messages. She didn’t say a thing until I told her I had noticed it and asked if she wanted to go in which case we would accomodate.

She told me she wouldn’t, but then I asked her why did he ask since she said she wasn’t interested in him. She admitted she went alone on another « museum visit » with him when I asked if they really went with other work friend to museums (they only went together and he never invited anyone else as far as she knows)

She then went silent for a bit, and then asked me if I was mad but that she had already told him we were back together. I told him no and that it was fine she had work friends but I really suffered from the brutality, dismissiveness and how she begrudginly ended up telling him she wasn’t single back then.

At the time, I couldn’t react because I was dumbfounded and thought they were only friends. But now gauging by her reactions I think they’ve been on dates and she was trying to hide it from me.

Right now, justified or not, I feel uncomfortable and gaslighted, back in the same mental state of fear and anxiety than the first time I broke up with her and I think she knows it and might lie to me.

Should I tell her how I feel ? I don’t even know if they truly dated and I truly can’t stand to know she might be omitting informations again.

She used to be so emotional and unpredictable, that I can’t bring myself to put at risk my relationship and my mood at the workplace knowing some guy she dated is always next to her, hanging out with her and enabling her to cheat or dismiss me at any time, I don’t think I could recover from any of this without leaving the job I love…