u/Impossible-Length214

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. During one of the first few months in our relationship, a friend who he considered a close friend confessed to him about his feelings. My boyfriend was this friend's gay awakening, and it was obviously a big thing, especially since the friend was in a relationship at the time. It broke my boyfriend's heart to see the friendship go, since he considered him as a good friend.

Admittedly, I didn't handle things well initially. I projected a lot of the insecurities and doubts I had to my boyfriend upon his friend confessing. The guy friend is quite attractive, and at one point my boyfriend did have a liking for him for a short period of time. When my boyfriend tried opening up his feelings and frustrations over the friendship, I made it about me because of my jealousy.

Because of that, he initially stopped being friends with the guy. And the guy friend became a point of contention for quite some time. But after a few weeks, they talked and the friend told him that he doesn't have anymore feelings, and that he got "conversion therapy". I don't know much about the details, but bottomline is the friend is trying to say he's changed.

After this, he had some normal interactions with his friend again, and my boyfriend consulted with me about potentially being friends with him again. He felt as if there was a chance to repair the friendship, that the friend changed. I still have my doubts, but I ultimately said that I don't really feel comfortable with the idea, but it would still be up for him to decide as I feel that it's a decision between them alone. Upon hearing this, he reluctantly decided not to pursue anything because I felt uncomfortable.

Still, because we are all in the same college with shared circles, interactions went on with the friend and although my boyfriend no longer considers him as a friend that he would actively go out to spend time with, there is still that bond, whenever they happen to be together.

However there was one point in our relationship that I admittedly wasn't present for my boyfriend's emotional needs. I was being negligent towards him at a time where he needed me. It led to a "boy-bestfriend" scenario wherein the friend, who noticed my boyfriend wasn't okay, would approach him to comfort him at times where I wasn't fulfilling his needs. Although it never crossed the line, my boyfriend had started comparing me to the friend. I understand that this came from a place of hurt, it did lead to triangulation in our relationship. He would sometimes tell me how he feels the friend "knows how to treat him better", etc. He did open up everything that happened to me, because he also knows that it was unhealthy and he didn't want for it to come to a point where he'd be the one who'd go to the friend. Now, while they aren't close friends, there's still this bond whenever they're together.

And another friend would go on to confess his feelings for my boyfriend. This one wasn't as serious than the other friend, and because of that maintained their friendship, after my boyfriend cleared things up with him. They message each other privately and they would sometimes eat together in my boyfriend's place, just the two of them. In one instance, when this friend was asking my boyfriend to eat outside with him, he asked my boyfriend to wear something nice. It rubbed my boyfriend the wrong way, and he did clear things with him, explaining how that wasn't okay. But after that, their friendship won't on as normal.

I don't know how to feel about these relationships. I know I shouldn't control his relationships with other people, which is why I let them be, at least now. But I can't really help but feel triggered since I have an immense fear of replacement from my CPTSD. But I want to trust my boyfriend, I don't want him to feel like I'm being suspicious everytime he's with another guy. And I really want to be supportive and happy, but I can't convince myself otherwise. How can I be okay with this?