My husband pressured me to abort years ago and I still can’t move past it
My husband pressured me to “kill” my first pregnancy years ago, and now that I’m pregnant again I can’t move past it
Three years ago, when my now-husband was still my boyfriend, I unexpectedly got pregnant. We were both young, financially unstable, and definitely not professionally established yet. But even though I was scared, I was willing to keep the baby.
He absolutely was not.
When I told him I was pregnant, he repeatedly pressured me to get an abortion and would literally say things like “when are you going to get rid of the baby?” I still remember going to the doctor alone for the pregnancy confirmation appointment, hearing the heartbeat alone, and then coming home to more pressure to “kill it.” It was honestly one of the loneliest experiences of my life.
Fast forward 3 years later: we’re now married and got pregnant on our first try. I’m around 8 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy itself has been relatively smooth so far — mostly just fatigue, occasional nausea/cramping, and feeling physically drained.
The issue is that emotionally I still feel deeply affected by how he treated me the first time, and I think part of me expected him to really step up this time around. Instead, I feel disappointed a lot.
He’s not a bad husband overall, and our relationship is generally good, but he really lacks emotional depth/EQ. He’s started helping more than before (doing dishes and laundry occasionally), but I still handle most of the housework, meal planning, vacuuming, taking care of our dog, thinking about healthy eating, etc. I’m exhausted and tired of having to explicitly tell him what needs to be done.
We’re also long distance for the remainder of this pregnancy, which honestly makes everything feel lonelier. Part of me thought he would step up extra emotionally because this is basically his only chance to really support me through it from afar, but instead I still feel emotionally alone a lot of the time.
Last night we were out and I felt extremely tired and nauseous and wanted to take a taxi home. Instead he immediately headed toward the subway and I just followed because I was too exhausted to argue. It sounds small, but it honestly hurt my feelings because I wanted him to notice I wasn’t feeling well and take care of me without me having to push for it.
Instead we ended up fighting again because he says I “don’t appreciate” what he already does.
I feel guilty because technically he HAS improved compared to years ago, but I also feel resentment that the bar feels so low after how cruel he was during my first pregnancy experience.
I don’t even know if I’m asking for advice or just trying to understand whether my feelings are unreasonable.
TL;DR: Husband pressured me hard to abort my first pregnancy years ago and I still carry resentment from it. Now we’re married and intentionally pregnant, but I still feel emotionally unsupported and alone during pregnancy, especially because we’re long distance for the rest of it.