Husband sending sexual messages to girls on Reddit
I (30F) have been married to my husband (34M) for 5 years, together for 8. We have had a very solid, happy relationship for the most part. I’m currently 8 months pregnant, and since I was 4 months pregnant, I’ve had this nagging paranoia that something was wrong. I’ve never mistrusted him. He’s very open with finances, location sharing, phone sharing, doesn’t hang out with friends without me, and we generally spend alot of time together. We laugh and have a ton of fun. I pushed this suspicion away because I thought I was crazy and the pregnancy hormones were getting to me.
Some background: Last year was hands down the worst year of my life. We started the year with a tragic miscarriage, followed by placing my dad in hospice, another miscarriage, and then my dad passing away. It was a lot on my body and mind. We were not having sex regularly and there were definitely gaps. However, that was not top of mind for me tbh. I was just trying to survive each day. Our sex live, in general, has had a lot of ebbs and flows, which I thought was normal. My husband has never made a big deal out of it and I really thought he was being incredibly kind and understanding last year. I felt so lucky to be with someone who took care of me and was never pressuring me. We found out we were pregnant again end of 2025, right around my dad’s death. My first trimester was spent equal parts nauseous and depressed. I rarely got out of bed. I was like that until month 4 of my pregnancy.
Fast forward to now, 8 months pregnant…this week, that suspicion just felt soo strong. In the last few months, my libido is back and his seems to have vanished. He keeps saying he’s tired and stressed, which is partly true but he never initiates sex and when he does it all seems boring to him. It’s just been so odd. We barely had sex last year into this year and for him to be this disinterested had me so suspicious. I went through his phone a few times at night. I felt horrible doing this because he’s been so open with me on most things. The first few times, I never found anything and was relieved but the feeling never left. This last time, I decided to go to an app I never open on his phone—Reddit. First off, it was password protected, which was odd to me. Idk much about Reddit, but my app is def not password protected. Luckily, it was easy to guess the password and immediately I saw why. Secondly, it was all basically porn. I’m ok with porn. I think it’s harmful and annoying but I understand why ppl turn to porn. 90% of the subreddits he was on were porn porn porn. All women who look nothing like me, which stung, but also I could rationalize that. Finally, I went to his inbox and that’s where I got a jolt to my system. I saw tons of messages between him and random girls. I thought this would be a recent pregnancy thing but no..he’s been messaging women explicit sexual messages for at least 4 years, the majority of our marriage. The messages included stuff about their body parts, cumming, sexual fantasies, asking for “custom content”, where do they do more content (OF or other platforms), etc. there were also messages of him just complimenting their bodies, outfits, makeup, etc. —as though he was trying to get to know them/talk to some of them. The most recent messages are from a few days ago and the furthest back are 4 years ago. I also cross checked dates of messages—he messaged about cumming to someone’s outfit days after my first miscarriage. As I was getting fetal tissue removed and working on my dad’s hospice paperwork, he was messaging women about their bodies and how he wanted to fuck them. The list goes on. He also had a tendency to message them first thing when he woke up. Last year, during the hardest year for us, he was messaging so many crazy things to women.
If I had known last year, I would have divorced him. This is a clear boundary that I’ve communicated to him in the past. A few years ago, I noticed he was following naked models on IG, and asked him to stop and explained how that would escalate to something like this. He unfollowed all the IG women and moved it to Reddit and clearly went a step further.
I confronted him immediately. He was so defensive and said he did nothing wrong at first. I couldn’t believe it. He’s justified this so much in his brain. Then, I started quoting his exact words to him with time stamps, that seemed to really snap him back to reality. He’s promised to go to porn addiction counseling. I’m just so checked out and trying to survive the rest of my pregnancy and this year. I won’t leave right now. Should I give him a chance with therapy? I’m not sure how to navigate the next few weeks and months with him.
Tl;dr my husband has been sending sexually explicit messages to Reddit girls for years