u/ImpossibleBrother927

I’m so exhausted.
I lost my son at 20 weeks in late April from a failed LUTO shunt placement surgery. Less than two months later I’m pregnant again. I’m now almost 9 weeks. I’m exhausted all the time, nauseous all the time, starving all the time. I feel like I’m already showing. I’m being treated like a baby because this pregnancy is considered high risk due to my past loss. I’m already making milk because my supply never fully dried and I can’t express or pump without risking triggering labor and losing this pregnancy. Essentially I was told I just gave birth and got pregnant at the same time so I’m experiencing postpartum and first trimester symptoms on the highest level, simultaneously. I’m so happy about this pregnancy especially after losing my previous (who was a rainbow after two other losses) but my god…everything is so hard now.

I’m tempted to ask if I can go on leave early and just take it easy this pregnancy. I can’t do anything at work and I’m limited at home. It sucks.

So I’ve been at this location for around six months. I have almost two years of experience total. When I got hired I’d just lost a pregnancy I was 20 weeks into from LUTO. I’ve only missed work due to emergencies like finding mold in my home or something with my kids but I also stay late, pick up extra shifts and often take the most difficult patients. I even get asked to help social services and other departments deal with these patients because..I don’t know. They only seem to like me.

I found out a month ago I had a hernia and I’ve been on light duty since then. A couple weeks ago I found out I was pregnant again. Because this pregnancy is high risk I’m stuck on light duty again. I’m still showing up and helping where I can, even doing 1-1s and taking over changes when we’re short staffed. But this morning sickness is just destroying me and I’ve had to call out twice now. I feel so bad but literally everything is making me throw up. Smells, sounds, even certain textures. I’m not exactly asking for advice but I guess just venting and hoping that I’m not useless or fucking up?