u/Impossible_Heron_833

I grew up an only child to a teen parent until 29 when my mother decided to start over. I have never truly felt loved or supported by her and in adulthood she has honestly always rode my coattails until I finally set boundaries and got my own place without her bc even when we lived in the same apartment she began not paying her half of the bills and then would gaslight me when I asked for her portion. I moved and got my own place and once that happened she ended up back with my grandmother. Eventually, after two years she finally got it together by finding stable work and then getting her own place. That lasted all of five seconds because not even three months into being there she ended up pregnant by someone who was never going to be with her nor support the baby. Fast forward she’s back at square one because due to the lack of support, barely having family and having no friends she stopped working and essentially lost everything she spent so much time building. Didn’t even give herself a chance and honestly this is a pattern of hers. I’ve never known stability growing up with her and the minute life seems to be headed in a good direction she blows it all up. Had my grandmother not constantly stepped in to save the day always we would’ve been in shelters or the street. However, my grandmother’s constant savior I believe is part of the reason she’s never taken ownership over her life and casts her burdens on everyone else. Everything in life has been given to her and even when she had me she didn’t have to raise me. Just for her to have the freedom and independence of being on her own and the second she had it she said let’s make my life difficult for no reason and drag everyone close to me down as well. Part of me feels like she got pregnant on purpose to derail my life because she knew she has no other support besides me and expects me to help and be a babysitter whenever I’m in town because we don’t live in the same city. She gives me the silent treatment or attempts to guilt trip when I don’t want to baby sit or when she wants to come visit and stay in my third floor, no carpet apartment with a toddler she can’t control for extended periods of time and I put my foot down. My grandmother is her only safety net and I know that when that’s no longer an option I will be expected to support her and my brother. I have to figure everything out for myself while simultaneously being expected to help her. I also forgot to mention that I have a child of my own who is independent. I also have my dad’s side of the family including a step-mother and plenty of friends who are like family so I’m not reliant on her at all. She has completely dysregulated my nervous system and she constantly finds ways to argue with me or find issue in something I did or said. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore but everything she does feel like a method of manipulation or control. She is not someone I would ever categorize as a good mother and the manipulation has run so deep that I continue to deal with her out of guilt alone and to my own detriment. I feel so alone because all of my friends have good supportive mothers. Meanwhile I’m the mother to someone I don’t even believe likes me or sees me as an individual. The more independence I gain and live my life for me, the worst she gets.