My (27F) father (60ish) is getting married to his affair partner and invited me.
My patents marriage was a shit show to say the least. Mother cheated multiple times but my father held on. He was such a pilar of integrity and I admired him. My dad was always the closest to me.
When he cheated back, I felt disappointed that he couldn’t simply divorce and uphold what he preached for years but I dealt with it. The issue was the woman. She was competing for affection with a 15 year old and made no secret of such. She called my house and my mother, made up rumors to go around my friends and was key in me developing panic attacks. At some point, the situation was so unhealthy that my dad allegedly broke up with her.
Only later I found out he did only for a little while and started hiding the relationship. He paid for her daughter’s sweet 16, while told me he had no money to throw me a party. He took the affair partner to my aunt’s graduation while saying he did not have enough tickets for me. And so forth. At some point, I accepted I lost my dad and my friend. Our relationship became strained and hurtful and it did not help that the woman would not leave me alone.
Her lies and harassment got so bad I had to go to the police and give a statement. God knows how happy I was that I was away at university back then. If it weren’t for my then boyfriend and now husband, I have no idea how I would be able to hold on.
Over the years, my parents divorced and father entered a relationship with the woman. I think she got more secure and left me alone, it also helped that I basically cut most of my relationship with my dad when he moved to her city. Barely seeing him once a year and therapy were helpful. I tried to rekindle our connection sometimes, only to be disappointed with his cowardice and lack of spine to support and protect his daughter. Trust me, somethings this woman did were absurd. By the time I was 21, I had enough.
These past few years, the woman basically destroyed her relationship with almost all my dad’s family and word got around that my father felt isolated. It seemed he did a lot of thinking and started to approach me every once in a while. 2 years ago he came to visit me for a few days and we had a heart to heart. I told him how sad it made me that he never felt he should support and protect me in my adolescence from a person that really was mean and vindictive. A lot was said, we both cried and we reached a truce of sorts.
With this background, I now bring my dilema. After 10 years, last week while we were talking about a problem we had to fix he said he would be getting married the following month and because it was a small affair, my husband and I had two weeks to confirm whether we would be there or not. To say I was shocked is an understatement.
I don’t know if I want to go. i don’t know if he is asking out of obligation or even if we would be welcomed. There is so much pain still, and I am not sure I would be able to wish the couple well.
My older sister, which has an even more strained relationship with him, does not care much and said she might go.
Anyone has advice on how to consider this situation properly? I feel it might be important to have some perspective.
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**TL;DR;** : Dad is marrying a woman that was awaful to me during my adolescence and asked me to go to his wedding.