I have my exam coming up in a month and lately it’s getting really bad. I randomly feel like puking or throw up in the middle of the night. I don’t feel like disturbing my friends or parents, so I just sit alone with my thoughts, and when I’m alone, I start getting su*c*dal thoughts.
I’m taking medication for anxiety, but it still feels like it’s getting worse as my exam gets closer. Please help.
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I started my NEET prep journey in 12th(2023)
Back then I wasn’t that serious about this exam but I was excited. Curious. Scared too. I still remember that version of me full of hope.
She thought maybe NEET is the only way she could make her parents proud. Maybe if she becomes “doctor daughter” she will finally matter in this house. Maybe as the younger daughter she will get some attention too, some validation, maybe people will finally look at her and say yes she did something.
And I really tried.
I studied on my own, managed everything by myself, scored well in inter boards, gave NEET, and missed a seat by literally one question.
Aa okka question correct chesi unte I'd have been in a med clg by now🫠
I spent months asking myself where I went wrong, what mistake I made, what more I could have done. I begged my parents for a drop year, but they didn’t agree.
So I took a partial drop.
**Biggest mistake of my life.**
Even in partial drop, I isolated myself, cut off people, tried balancing college and NEET and genuinely gave it everything I had.
Then mid March came and I got chickenpox.
Partial drop, NEET pressure and chickenpox I genuinely felt like it is too much to handle but still I kept going.
NEET 2025 happened and the worst part!!
I knew the questions.
I knew I could have scored 415–430 easily if I hadn’t panicked.
But I fumbled. I blanked out. I gave the worst performance possible.
After that, from May-Sep, I was completely shattered. My entire existence revolved around this one exam. I would wake up crying in the middle of the night for absolutely no reason. Every thought started and ended with NEET.
My seniors told me to move on.
Take a private college.
Choose another course.
Stop ruining my life over one exam.
But I still thought maybe if I give one last try, with a full drop I could really do better this time ani.
So I took a full drop.
Things were okay till November. Then I procrastinated, wasted upto mid jan, picked myself back up and started grinding again.
I completely isolated myself, would just lock myself in my room and study. But then i got
Spondylitis.
PCOD.
Migraine.
Mental health issues I can’t even put into words.
Still, I studied.
Even now, when I walk into my room, I feel this weird pain rush down my spine.
Because every wall is still covered with sticky notes and formulas.
My desk is buried under mock papers.
Even when I felt like a complete failure, even when I felt unworthy of anyone’s love, I kept going because I needed to prove that I was capable of something.
But from March onwards, my panic attacks got severe.
I would cry and throw up in the middle of the night.
I would feel like I was drowning and everyone around me could see me sinking, but nobody was trying to pull me out.😭
Same toxic environment. Same pressure. Same loneliness.
I tried online therapy. I took meds. Had to stop because even that felt like it was interfering with studies.
Then came NEET 2026.
The day before exam I was terrified. I revised every mistake, every formula, every chapter. Pulled an all-nighter finishing biology modules and went to the exam hall without sleep.
And I fucked up again.
Paper felt easy. But I ruined my marks with silly mistakes.
Maybe this time too I will lose the seat by the same 4-5 marks.
Maybe after ruining 3 years of my life I am still going to stand at the exact same place.
Three years.
My teenage years gone.
My health gone.
My mental health f*cked up.
And still no seat.
People say hard work never goes to waste.
I don’t know.
Sometimes it feels like no matter how much you try, what is meant to happen will happen.
There were days I wanted to disappear because I genuinely felt like a dumb failure.
At the very beginning, my father told me,
“NEET nethoni avvadhu. You are not capable of cracking it.”
I spent 3 years trying to prove him wrong.
Maybe I should have accepted it the first day.
The irony is, becoming a doctor was more his dream than mine.
But I still destroyed myself chasing it.
Maybe I’m just not made for this. Idk what I'll do now inka edho course chesi move on aypotha. Hardwork cheyadam nerchukunna edho oka course chesu govt exam ledha edhaina cheskunta, I lost so much in this journey. People are still excited to ask me about my marks but no one really cares about mental health.
And one genuine thing I want to say to anyone who is thinking to take a drop for jee/neet/clat:
**DONT ISOLATE YOURSELF**
Please, it is just an exam.
I know it feels like your entire worth, your family’s expectations, your future, your identity is hanging on those marks.
But it is still not more precious than your life.
No rank is worth destroying your peace, your mind, your sleep, your ability to feel okay.
No exam is worth crying alone every night and feeling like you are disappearing.
If you make it, good.
If you don’t, it is still okay.
And one harsh thing I learned:
Drop year does not guarantee selection.
You can give this exam everything your health, sleep, peace, youth and still if panic hits on the main day or luck is not on your side, none of it goes the way you planned.
At the end, those 3 hours decide everything.
Hardwork matters, yes. But luck matters too, no matter how much people deny it.
So please be prepared for the worst too.
Do not build your whole existence around one result, because if things go wrong, the fall is unbearable.
Please take care of your mental health too.
Because I ignored mine, and somewhere in the process I lost myself completely.
You matter beyond this exam.🫶