I think my girlfriend (25F) is limerent/obsessed with an old ex. How do I handle this?
Hey Reddit, I (27M) need some outside perspective on my relationship. I've been seeing my girlfriend (25F) for about 8-9 months. When we met, she was just breaking up with her ex of 3 years (long-distance). Our chemistry was amazing from the start, and the effort was definitely mutual.
But a few things have happened that are starting to really get to me.
Around month two, we were casually talking about relationship red flags. When she got to her third one, she stared into space, took this deep, painful breath, and said: "Years ago, I was with a guy who never wanted to leave the house. When someone doesn't take you out, it's like they're hiding you." At the time, I wasn't deeply attached yet, but the raw emotion in her voice made me realize she wasn't over it.
A month later, completely out of the blue, she looks at me and says: "Name (mine), the past has really hurt me. And Name (Y)... Name Y hurt me so, so much." I later found out that Name Y is the guy who used to "hide" her.
As time went on, I started falling for her, so this stuff began to bother me more. Recently, I noticed she follows this guy on Instagram, but he doesn't even follow her back. What's crazy to me is that she never talks about her recent 3-year ex, but bring up this guy from way before him.
I told her it makes me uncomfortable, so she stopped talking about him directly. However, she still constantly drops lines like "you're hiding me" or talks about people "hiding" others in general. On top of that, I checked his profile and realized one of her current opinions seem to be copy-pasted straight from him.
The thing is, she treats me really well and cares for me. But the fact that she’s following a guy who doesn't even follow her back, years later, gives me major limerence and obsession vibes.
Am I overthinking this, or is she still mentally in that past relationship? How should I address this without sounding insecure?