r/Obsessive_Love

What does it mean to you, exactly? How do you define it? Is it outright healthy or unhealthy? A mixture, perhaps depending on execution?

im so hurt im so hurt im so hurt im so hurt im so hurt im so hurt im so hurt im so hurt im so hurt

hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt

my head isnt here any more.. it all feels so faint so faint .. i dont feel like i live in this world any more i odnt feel like i belong in this world any more everything around me i dont live in this world any more i dont live in this world the outside its not the place i live even in my own trash covered room i dont recognise it i dont recognise it nothing feels familiar or safe any more NOTHING IS SAFE you all.. you.. you proved it you all proved it im not supposed to be here..

you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear.. you should disappear..

i should disappear..

you have all been telling me this entire time i wasnt meant to be born i wasnt meant to be loved i wasnt meant to be chosen.. over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and over xhs its always the same its always the same its always the same

BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING wvery thought is of you every single thought i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i lovr you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love yo i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i lovey you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love youi love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you .. i need you i need you i need you i need you i need youci needcyou i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need youci needcyou i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need youci needcyou i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need youci needcyou i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need youci needcyou i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you i need you

im dissociating so mych im going crazy i need my soulmate i need my person i need you i need you i need you i need to be dependent i need you these thoughts are too much these thoughts are too much i need need need you i need need need you

i.. need to leave this world that doesn't love me..

i need.. to leave this world that hates me..

i tried so hard.. i always tried so hard.. i tried so hard to cling to the red string.. even when it was cut.. even when it was burnt.. i will never let go

I understand he wasn't feeling the best but here I am alone again because he left me after I spiraled because he wouldn't even say hi.

Why can't people be sweet like the food I overindulge in?

I try to be understanding and caring and give them whatever they need, but they end up leaving when I ask for love in return.

When I eat cake it simply provides. It rarely asks for much and gives back plenty.

But it poisons you slowly.

I just wish there was someone who was willing to tolerate me. Because I clearly love too hard for anyone to love me.

I just need to scream into the void again. What do you mean you want me to take your virginity and then you lose it to some random girl? And tell me so casually. It gets harder everyday

Three months.

The best three months of the last five years for me.

Life was boring and stagnant. Work, home, work, home, work, home, YouTube in the background, writing, occasional drawing, gaming... Then she popped into my life in the comments section.

She professed to being my biggest fan, she commented on all my new releases, she motivated me to stop procrastinating some days to get those stories out for the people who enjoyed them, for her to enjoy them. She wanted to talk to me through Discord, I was standoffish, didn't wanna look a fool in front of a fan, someone who looked up to me.

An insighting event happened, I finally messaged her. We became quick friends, then best friends, our bond deepened. She's amazing, taught me so much, she's smart, nerdy, funny, considerate, affectionate, interesting, shares all her interests. I got a crush, then fell in love for the first time. She knew basically the entire time, I would tell her almost everything.

It's all online, all documented. Every chat. She could go back and read it whenever she wants. Remember what we had... I don't read it. I can't. It was too special to me. I lost it in the face of my own obsession and a lapse in the judgement of my mental health. I knew I was obsessive, jealous, possessive, extremely so even. But knowing and experiencing is two entirely different things...

The way we met was so cute, so special to me. My little characters, my small stories, helped her through a difficult time, one she's still going through and recovering from. We talked so much, I learned so much about theology, shows, and games I never gave the light of day. I listened, I learned, I memorized so many of her likes and aspects of her. We talked everyday from the end of April to the day of the fight... Two Thursdays ago. I got upset, said things that had her think I took her for granted, had her believing I lied to her when I never did, I never could. I didn't check my mental health, I thought I was good, snapped for the first time that Thursday. It wasn't the worst, but it hurt our bond, our friendship.

The worst of it is over, we're in a period of recovery. I think she just needs time and space, consistent normality, this is what we're doing, but a good part of me is just so impatient, yearning to fix things now. It often feels like I'm treated like a stranger, no messages for hours at a time when she used to message me first thing. Online for hours, probably talking to the other that she's closer with now in the wake of our argument. Short convos when we do talk, nothing deep, so surface level. It's okay, I fucked up. This needs time, but it doesn't make it hurt any less when we were far closer, when I hadn't ruined it.

We're still friends, we're mending things, the fight was only a little over a week ago now. Things are different though, she confided in someone else, another guy, one she knows I'm jealous of. Another close friend of hers... She said I'm not being replaced, "it's not like that", she told me... I'm sure it's not, but It feels like it. I can't help how I feel. But if I tell her that she might take offense and give up on me for good.

I feel so stupid for ruining things, I've suffered the most emotional pain in my life. It's been horrible. It's still not fully over. I still cry when I think too much about our chats, our great moments, how much she cared, how much I'm sure she still does. I just wish I hadn't moved so fast, gotten so intense, yearned for more. That I could enjoy her for the wonderful person I got to know. I just want my best friend back, I miss that bond, I miss being relied upon—being her biggest emotional support. I miss everything, I regret not being a stronger, more secure person.

But I'm not gonna let this destroy me. I'm not broken. It hurts to feel like nothing to someone who felt like everything, someone who made me feel like I mattered deeply, like we formed a truly infallible bond... But, I know this connection is out there now, I know there are others like me who love obsessively, who revel in the intensity and deep emotions of a deep relationship. That's intimacy to me. It's special. I thought it was the same for her, she said a bond between two partners who are crazy about each other is a beautiful thing. I'm sure she feels much the same, she's still just cautious, still hurting.

But as much as I know I'll be fine on my own, as much as she's hurt me—whether intentional or not—a large part of me doesn't want to lose her deep friendship and companionship completely. I still care a lot. I know she's just protecting herself, that she can't handle such deep emotions right now. I still don't blame her. I don't hate her. I can't, she's never done anything wrong. She's just protecting herself. I still psychoanalyze her, still make all the excuses even when my chest hurts cause she isn't looking to open back up to me. I always loved that we were close, that she could come to me, talk to me... That I was safe, that I could help at all just by being there.

And I'll be taken back to those wonderful days when I answer the discord notification I got from her as I was writing this manifesto, even if the conversation that follows is a superficial, 5 message bastardization of what we once had.

I'll be fine. It gets easier each day. Things aren't over with her, I'm going to fix things, she matters too much for me not to, but man, I wish she could see herself like I see her. She said she isn't that important of a person, but she doesn't get to decide that. She came into my life, became important. I'll try hard for myself and her, to rebuild the relationship we had.

She's important, she carries great significance. She's flawed, sure, we all are, but it's part of the beautiful person she's allowed me to know.

If you were to ask me right now what I desire the most, it would be this. Holding someone ever so close to me. Feeling her breath on my face and her warmth on my body. I wanna obsess and be obsessed over.

Show her all the love and affection in the world and at the same time being pampered as if I'm a child. I wanna cry in her arms and let all the pain and pressure out. I wanna feel light in her arms and do the same to her everytime she needs it. Ill hold her till every drop of tear dries out and love her till she is happy and lively again

Day or night, doesn't matter, I want so show her love everywhere. In private or in public, she deserves it.

I wanna make her feel safe, nothing can ever hurt her, she can be wherever she wants, whenever she wants.

At night I wanna sleep as if we are entangled. Her arms wrapped around mine and mine wrapped around her. My head on her chest listening to her heartbeat as if we are one.

At day I wanna do all the tasks with her. Brushing teeth together, Cleaning the house, cooking food, and feeding each other. Help each other will all the problems we have. Watch shows and movies together. Read books together

I wanna hold her at every moment. I wanna kiss her at every moment.

I want each other to give us nicknames. She can call me whatever she want. Her puppy, her love, Her baby, her boy, I do not mind.

And me? I just wanna call her Nico. That's a nice name I love and should be given to only the person who I love and cherish the very most in the world. A person who I love and care about more than myself.

I wanna be clumsy with her, I wanna be weird, dumb and ignorant with her. I wanna praise her for everything that she does and be praised for everything I do. This is what I desire the most in my life

Im still young, I have a whole life in front of me which is why I have hope that maybe one day... just maybe I will find someone who looks at me and loves me till our dying breath. Is it really impossible? Is it really too much to ask for?

Maybe that was a bit too much that I'm asking. Maybe I should lower my expectations. I don't know, but I really do wish one day it will be real

I love my ex girlfriend so so so so so SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO muchhhh

it hurts not being able to say that I love her on calls anymore

I miss her so much and I'm so madly in love with this girl...

I still find her the cutest woman ever... she's just so adorable and smart and pretty and kind...

I've never met anyone else like her, she is truly special...

I love her so much and it hurts...

why doesn't she love me... why can't we be together... for goodness sake girl, I LOVE you!!!

I’m so lonely. I wish I had someone as obsessed with me as I am with them. I keep wanting to reach out to a guy I used to be obsessed with because he’s the only one that tolerates me and always takes me back. It was a situationship and he doesn’t love me. I’ve never met him in person. I’m tired of going back to him but I can’t resist him no matter how hard I try. Maybe it’s just limerence. I’m so tired of myself. I want to experience mutual, obsessive love…even just once in my life. I’m so tired.

It hurts. I know it does, i know how does it feels to be alone.

And i know how is it is to be scared of trusting...

I can't trust either, I'm so broken, i have been hurt so much. But i still want to try and be vulnerable with you, even if that means you will rip my heart wide open, because i see you my spider... i see how beautiful, worth and precious you are.

So no. You don't have to suffer, You don't have to hate yourself.
I won't let you, and even if you do I'll treasure double enough to compensate it.

You don't have to change, You don't have to be better... to be mine...

Choose me like i choose you... you don't have to trust me. I'll stay.
And even if you're awful, even if no one deserves this... I'll stay. I need you.

I want to save you... i want to protect you... make you safe... worship you my goddess...

And if i can't, SO WHAT? let me be your companion anyways, even if we both end up empty and lonely anyways. SO WHAT? we will be empty and lonely together...

You don't have to be alone, you don't have to be perfect.
let's stay together...

let's be eternal together. I'll stay.

I’m 19 now. I wanna belong to someone forever, I wanna belong and be theirs forever and ever and ever.

But I also know that the more desperate my feelings and want to belong get, the less likely I am to be worth anyone’s love.

What do I do.

What do I do.

What the hell do I do with myself.

Do I give into the numbness? Will someone love me then?

Do I just give up on love? Will I be worth someone’s attention and care then?

I’m tired

I’m so tired.

I’m 19 now and I’m still not someone’s beloved

I’m 19 now and I still don’t have someone whom I can dedicate my entire being to.

Will I even find anyone?

I don’t even know.

I’m just so tired.

I’m so tired and exhausted and

It’s probably time for me to just give up and move on with my life

I’m not worthy of love.

I wish I belonged, I wished I was someone’s choice and that someone wanted me

But I never was and never will be probably

I hate the pathetic person I am.

Share tips on how to stop being in love. 🤩👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼

When I meet you, my future person, I want to fuse.

I want our flesh to merge and our bones to bond. I want our very essence to blend together into something new.

Let us share a body so I may share every moment of eternity with you.

Let us be something new together, never longing or craving. Our hunger finally satisfied.