u/FairAccount7849

I kinda feel sad .

Idk how to go deeer but it's good that im not able to go deeper , because if I go very deep , maybe I would need stitches , and for that , I would have to tell my parents that I cut . I don't think they would understand what cutting and self harming is .anyways I wanna go deep and feel the pain .

I'm more into masc women , but all I see is hyperfeminine women , yes they are pretty , but just not the type I would go for . But like...Even if they r feminine , if they have the guts to dominate on me , I'm all down for it , I just want to kiss a girl and makeout badly . There's no non-straight people that I know , and it's so boring istg (I'm not saying straight women r boring) . All straight girls i know only talk about boys boys blah blah . My friends keep yapping about their bfs , it's irritating , one girl I know from my class only spoke with me because she wanted to get close to a guy i knew . I can approach my friends and ask them if they wanna make out but I know that they will probably say no to me because they r straight as fuckkk aahhhh plus they will start saying that I'm a weirdo , and most of them have bfs . This is so fking annoying

People keep saying all men r bad all men r jerks but uk what ? Women too are jerks . I'm a woman myself but I have noticed that so many other girls MY AGE r so fucking rude and have huge ass egos. Like omg aren't we supposed to be " girls girls " ?? Anyways the probability of finding a good woman is slightly higher than it is of finding a good man . Like if the probability of finding a good guy is 1% out of 100 , then to find a good woman will be 1.5% out of 100. Everyone is a fucking jerk . All r attitude filled weirdos with huge egos . No one wants to be nice , no one has fucking manners , everyone is fucking ass retards. I know people have their own fucking problems and blah blah blah , but that dosent give u the right to be Rude to someone else , like if y'all r not in the damn mood to talk , just say it instead of being unnecessarily rude . And people should learn some damn basic manners. It's like everything good is disappearing from this fucking world . Its so fucking ass it's so DAMN RETARDED. WHAT THE FUCKKK . I just want friends , istg i want some good gfs and some good male friends but people r so damn egoistic oh my god

I usually do it on my thighs but it doesn't bleed much there and I feel unsatisfied with the cut and the amount of blood . So I was thinking of doing it on my arms but if I do it on my arms then people can see it . This is so ass . I hope I get older soon and get my own house and cut contact with my family so that I can do whatever shit I want as much as I want .

I'll pay

I don't have time to workout. My day is packed , but I can sometimes go out for a small one hour walk (not everyday tho ) , I try to eat less but I'm seeing no changes . I want to be skinny , I weigh like 59kgs rn I wanna be 49/50 kgs with fat all in right places . Also I want to lose face fat , is there any way I can lose weight? Also if there r any medicines or anything else that makes u not eat , what r their names and where can I get them ??

I'm really insecure from the age of 5/6 , I'm 16 now and I still am insecure. Mostly insecure about my physical appearance . My low self esteem is kinda destroying the way I think of other people. Like I have two friends , and I envy them both , I'm so so jealous of how pretty they are , the way they talk , walk. Whenever I see a pretty girl , I become obsessed with her (not in a sexual or romantic way but more in a " oh I wanna be exactly like her " way). That obsession leads me to stalking them , trying out the things they do , copying how they act , and im so exhausted from all this , i wanna be myself but I don't know who I am or how do I actually like myself . I do skincare , spend time working out, I do haircare , I do makeup , just to still look chopped af everyday. I wake up half an hour early just to do makeup for my tuition , I'm the only one who goes there with a face of makeup , even while going out in shops for small stuff , i still try to do makeup , but I still look ugly , atp only surgery can save me imo. I have body acne , and my family fat shames me a lot, and I don't think I'm conventionally attractive at all . I'm 5'5 and 59kgs. My fucking face fat , body acne , scars , body hair , head hair , nose , lips , hands , legs , tummy , boobs , ass ruins everything.

My insecurities was a major source of my depression (I'm not depressed now) . I was deeply insecure from 6th grade to 10th grade. Now I'm a bit confident because I kinda stopped caring and listened to a lot of podcasts about how to love yourself but they ain't helping much . I have had 2 relationships till now , I didn't feel loved in any of them , the 2nd relationship was serious and i never thought he loved me even tho he said he did , he used to reassure me a lot but I still felt like he dosent love me , nor did his compliments feel real . One time I read his chats between him and his best friend , and I saw that he told his best friend that he thinks that I'm not pretty according to the beauty standards. That sentence made me question my whole existence lmao . whenever I used to scroll on instagram and saw good looking women I cut myself , I used to cut myself almost everyday out of self hate and just to see the blood coming out lmao. I have stopped cutting but i still randomly get urges to cut.

Whenever I get complimented I feel like they r mocking me , no compliments feel genuine . I only felt one genuine compliment which was from my mom , i got that compliment a year ago . I don't even like my personality, I feel like I'm filled with jealousy and hatred and envy towards others and I seriously want to change that. I haven't gotten attention from boys since 8th grade . Before 8th grade children don't really care about looks but after 8th grade I think people started only talking to the opposite gender if they r good looking . I don't even get approached by guys , that makes me want male validation a lot , even from men thrice my age .

In 7th grade Covid was there so we used to wear masks in school , a guy started taking to me and he started liking me , and I was scared that he might stop liking me if I show my face so i never removed my mask in school , i stopped eating tiffin , or I ate tiffin with my mask on so that my face wouldn't be revealed , at the end of 7th grade the class teacher forced me to take my mask off and I did , he completely stopped talking to me lol , like he didn't even look at me , also on that day I got a lot of stares and disgusted looks from my classmates.

Moreover I seriously hate compliments , how do I solve that , I do wanna feel and be loved but compliments just make me feel even more disgusting and hideous , how do I stop feeling like that? How can I accept and improve my personality?

I know looks don't matter much but people around me have constantly pointed out my looks and that has just made me care all about looks. My dad cheated on my mom several times because she wasn't pretty. I wish my dad and mom never met to produce me , like two ugly people , one with a shallow personality and one with an ugly face mating will made an ugly ogre like me LOL. I think ugly people shouldn't mate , or even if they do , they shouldn't produce a child or that child will get mocked his/her whole life on their looks , their whole confidence will get shattered.

On top of that i keep meeting weird men , all men in my life I have ever encountered were weirdos , like creeps or lust filled people or porn addicts . Now my perception of men has completely changed , I just seee them as some lust filled horny testosterone filled creatures . LMAO this is unrelated but still , it's funny .

Anyways back to the question, how do I start loving myself and improve myself ?

What does smoking feel like?

Can anyone recommend what I should try for my first time smoking (like what brand cigarettes ) like idk anything about it

Where can I buy cigs

I'm 16f and I have been having hormonal acne since 2023. It started back in 2023 when I joined a sports class , and maybe because I used to sweat a lot I started getting back acne and since then , it has been a huge problem for me . My upper back constantly gets pimples , and now my lower back also has em , but not as much as my upper back . I also started getting acne on my arms but that has kind of stopped now. Also on my chest and neck . Is there any way to solve this? I use a soap containing AHA for my back 2/3 and neck times a week . But nothing has been solved yet. I make sure to take a shower every time I sweat . My mom says it's happening because I don't work out and because I'm sleeping or laying on my bed the whole day . Idk the actual reason for my acne but ik it's hormonal and shit . Any advices on what I should do?