u/No-Yoghurt-7820

Just a for the starter, I know all this talk of nature being neutral and it's just indifferent or whatever and I agree and understand that but i find those kind of comments being brought up whenever someone just points out the cruelty of biological organisms just missing the point of what I’m trying to say here. When I say nature is bad or depressing I’m not in any way trying to anthropomorphize nature or intent to say that nature deliberately wants to cause maximum suffering. We all know it's mindless and it just aims towards reproduction and survival and doesn’t care what happens to you. Hence why it’s indifferent. But in the context of the living creatures involved and their point of view, calling it bad makes more sense since for the parties involved, the experience is certainly more unpleasant than neutral. it doesn't have neutral outcomes like a hovering void or emotionless stars where something happening is truly neutral. Nature itself is neutral but the outcomes from natural selection and natural evolution is certainly not and the said outcomes are mostly just depressing and horrifying that this is the brick stones of our existence. From the smallest macrobiotic creatures to the biggest whale, everything is just facing unimaginable levels of pain every single day by virtue of existing.
Our whole planet is baked in suffering. Countless painful parasites, infections, horrible fates and diseases and on top of that just the whole cruel process of survival and how many animals are starving, being eaten alive, killed, forced into so many types of coercive and forceful mating rituals that are incredibly violent and physically traumatic, fighting each other to death over territory, resources, the privilege of just being alive the next day.
Imagine living in a world so biologically fucked that humans are the ones doing better than the rest and with all the cruelty and evil shit humans with high cognition and consciousness can do, you take a look at literally everything else and they are just instinctively, mindlessly the same and most of the times, far far worse. So there is nothing to look at and learn from in terms of being better, it's just us. The reality we live in is not the worst case scenario but it’s far from ideal for anyone.
So why would a being with a more advanced consciousness ever want to bring another child into the world that is so fundamentally suffering, loss and pain? Even if we're able to escape this fate to the great extent that we have, isn't it just wrong to bring someone into the world that works like this on principle?

This is not gonna make a lot of sense. I’m just upset as fuck and i don’t know who to tell it to. As a sex-repulsed ace, i do like the concept of romance and love between a pair that is pure and long-lasting like fucking swans but that can never happen and will always be rare because we as as society are so obsessed with sex that we can’t ever envision romance as exciting on its own or even as something that exists on its own without immediately being linked to sex and sexuality.
I just wish romance was real and i wish we had a way of exploring romance without there always being sex. Everyone can imagine a loveless/non-romantic relationship where there is sex (one-night stands/friends with benefits) but do we even have a concept of a purely romantic relationship without sex that isn’t just limited to niche communities? I think that proves where proof is not needed that people just view romance as something that happens pre-sex or just a weird mental foreplay for the leading main event that is sex. Not something that holds up or has any meaning on its own. And i hate it. I hate it because sex is already painted as something full of power dynamics and if romance is just introduction to it, i feel like it just robs romance of all its meaning and ruined it. I believe if sex didn’t exist, romance would have actually been something fun and enjoyable and not viewed as a sort of chore or transaction you do to get access to sex.

This may sound extreme but people’s and politicians reactions to the fertility rates going down and having no empathy for the women and their horrible ideas of fixing it proved this to me.
Raising and birthing children under the patriarchy where every minute I’m writing this, a woman is getting raped, trafficked, abducted, domestically abused is inherent compliance to the system.
Society has literally changed everything for the better to some degree except violence against women. Poverty rates now are way lower than they were hundreds of years ago. Yes, it’s still bad but the point is it’s going down.
If the violence against women was going down and there was active trial to try and make it better actually was happening, that would be another story. Again, only 10 percent of the earth is in poverty right now. That’s bad but way lower than it was decades ago. Why is violence against women the same rate as literally always has been throughout history?
They are never going to change if we keep raising kids under their system. Even if you try to raise a good son who is not misogynistic, it’s impossible. Society is designed for him to become misogynistic and you can’t stop him from being in society.
By raising a daughter and teaching her to watch out for dark alleyways and have keys between her knuckles and wear pants when men come over, you say that you’re okay with millions of other girls being harmed as long as yours is okay. You’re teaching her this is normal. This is society. This is what it is and there is literally nothing anyone’s really doing to change it.
So yeah. I believe having children under the patriarchy is immoral and a sin against the child being born in the awful system.

So hi, i’m new to this sub and I discovered this corner of the asexual sub after fumbling a lot with the other more popular ace subs and trying to find a community. I feel some questions aren’t as welcome in other subs, as they are immediately labeled as hate speech.
I really don’t hate any allo people and I’m definitely not acephobic cuz why would I hate myself.
I’m having some trouble phrasing my question but I just genuinely want to understand some things and I hope I’m not being offensive.
I’m constantly confused by how some asexual people who are more open to sex and are aromantic usually bring this argument that they are still aromantic since they just sleep with people they are only sexually attracted to and don’t feel any romantic attraction towards.
And even more confusing when sex-favorable aces say they have sex with people and are still ace because…it feels good and they still don’t experience sexual attraction???
I always nodded along with this but it just confuses me so much and makes everything muddy because Allo people also can and do sleep with people for only purely physical purposes sometimes without any romantic thoughts going into it.
Sometimes also not even feeling sexual attraction too, just to get sexual gratification with another human.
That’s why the argument bugs me because usually when allo people admit shit like, "oh, I don’t feel no romantic interest in the person I’m fucking, I’m just fucking them," it is normally shunned and seen as them using someone as an object or toy in most contexts. (Maybe not in hookups or friends with benefits situations but generally I think this is how it is perceived.)
But if a sex-favorable ace says it with more flowery language, it’s ok? Isn’t this still kind of using someone but with a different label?

I might be misunderstanding this since I’ve always been on the aversive side and I’m open to criticism if I’m just completely wrong. I would like to hear any opinions and explanations that would help me with this question.

Like, you were praised for being really mature and wise for your age and had this teacher’s pet thing kind of going on where everyone thought you were special or smart but in reality you were just struggling with way too much that made you grow up too fast?
Yeah, something like that. I would like to hear how you would describe your experience with this.
I’m kind of disappointed with how I turned out.

By air.

Man here but this is so fucking funny. In my country, it’s mandatory to serve nine miserable months in the military as a soldier the moment you turn 18 and when you serve, you realize the whole scope of how fucking disgusting allo men are.
Navies fuck on their ship trips. Army soldiers fuck in their isolated military bases they’re mandatorily stuck in.
I can’t believe women stay with their husbands after they are sent to jail.
I’ve met wives who really think their man stayed completely celibate all the four years they serve in prison. And I don’t even work in prison centers and am not in any way a prison guard.
If you have a conversation with a prison guard, they would a hundred percent tell you that your boyfriend or your husband or whatever the fuck is long gone the moment they enter prison.

I believe there are actual people who have worked in prison that make a living out of telling all the horror stories if you don’t believe me. They have whole podcasts and shit.
Men in gangs even fuck each other while simultaneously having mob wives as some sort of ritual, don’t get me started on that.

They don’t need to be gay, they just need a hole. Military men, criminal men, inmate men, police men. Doesn’t matter. If they are alone and there is no women around they either fuck each other or find another hole in the wall to put their dick in.

Sex is not love. Especially not for allo men. These creatures have a completely different box for what gets them off and what they love.
God, I can’t wait for my service time to be over.

Edit: who are all these lurkers

So I don’t know if I made the right decision by deciding to post here instead of r/dating but this is more or less sex related so I hope I made the right decision.

Warning that this is going to be long and potentially embarrassing for me as it is an issue about myself I find hard talking about but I know I have to get some advice somehow. I also just recently turned 19, so I might sound dumb and young so keep that in mind.

I have to first start by admitting that I never really liked masturbating. Since puberty, I just remember chilling and doing my own thing and a random tent would just pop up and ruin my mood. I figured that masturbating would probably get it to go away so that’s why I tried it, but even though my body would reach the release, I didn’t like it???

My body did obviously but I was always mentally disconnected with the sensations and extremely bored by the few seconds of vibrations that spread around my groin and came to view my penis as a different entity in a way that had its own wants from me that I had to mentally give into. Some invasive thing in my pants that erected sometimes and I was the one that had to make peace with its demands.

As I started my relationship with my now gf (which I’m going to call bubbles for convenience sake cuz why not), more and more problems started showing up in me.

I noticed my friends usually talk in a particular way about their gfs that I never understood, things about their partner that they enjoyed sexually, the regular old ass or tits kinda thing and I don’t think I find anything about naked bodies really special. It’s just bare skin to me.

This still makes me feel immensely guilty since bubbles and I had a lot of arguments over me not finding her attractive enough which was just not true at all, I love her and she’s objectively, undeniably beautiful.

So I decided that I wasn’t complimenting her enough. I slowly learned that my kind of complimenting is kind of too sappy and basic-level since I sometimes get this overwhelming sense of joy when I see her laugh and she has these green eyes that lighten up nicely (sorry if this sounds weird to read) so that’s what I usually compliment her on.
So I kind of had to do some people watching and learn from how my friends complimented their girlfriends and I realized I should just make myself notice her body more and show more admiration for how the rest of her looks. Not just her face. If that makes sense.

It generally worked out in the long run and she is much happier now than she was before. But the fact that I didn’t think of doing it sooner or couldn’t give her the kind of validation she wanted since the beginning kind of bugged me in the back of my mind.

Bubbles is also usually adventurous with her tastes in bed. She enjoys BDSM, fifteen different types of manual simulation, riding my face (which I do a little less because of my throat problems), a lot of toys, kinks, you get the idea. It’s lively.
Even though I orgasm every time each session in the last few minutes with her being on top or getting sucked off, I still have that disconnect with that pleasure my body is feeling at the moment. Sometimes the feeling is strong enough to cause me a whole existential crisis where I have to evaluate my life choices. I thought it would be just a minor inconvenience but it has snowballed to a more hard to ignore ache in my chest over time.

But the super long makeout sessions and the cuddles I get are very enjoyable. I’m a sucker for physical affection so I can’t say I have many complaints about it.

I understand my partner has needs and I’ve learned to adjust to them. It’s not like she is shy about it. She has just easily walked into my room while I was changing and just stares at me naked until I do something about it and sometimes she’ll just crawl between my legs when I’m on the lying on the couch and that’s usually my cue to move to the bed.

Again, I understand bubbles has needs like anyone else and I’m the abnormal one here, but I can’t help but get frustrated with this whole methodology. Especially since we both have god-given vocal cords and she can just tell me what she wants without doing any of these.

I’m a bit talkative and I enjoy talking with her and get a little carried away and a bit too enthusiastic and it just gets me really angry when she goes dry and doesn’t speak to me. I have no problem just giving into it, whatever but I just hate it. Our conversations are an important part of my life and is the highlight of my day. I don’t like when she takes that away and expects me to pretend it never happened after she gets what she wants.

I know I’m extremely lucky that my girlfriend likes to be intimate with me often and I feel silly trying to talk to someone about this. How can I bring myself to complain to someone about getting sex? It just doesn’t sound like an actual problem and I wish I could ignore it better. Some of my close friends struggle with their gfs not giving them the time of day in that regard and I’m pretty sure that’s just way too much more painful.

I don’t know what to do. I love bubbles and she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. She’s funny and intelligent and just intoxicating to be around. Her hyperactive chaotic fuckery is some one of kind unique energy that gets my introverted ass out of my shell and I can’t think of being with anyone of else but her. I know it’s kind of sappy shit to say but I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her.
But I would like it if I could solve my problem and enjoy my relationship more. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not giving her the love and attention she deserves. I don’t think I’m enough and she could do better and be with someone who can give her much more than I can. I wonder if I’m just incapable of love and I’m just wasting her time.
Thanks for reading this long. Any advice would be appreciated a lot and if I had any typing issues that made it hard to read tell me so I can edit. I’m too lazy to proof read.

This is going to be uncomfortable and painful to write because I don’t even want to acknowledge this because it makes me want to throw up in my mouth.
I’m an 18M who just recently escaped my physically abusive house life. I was raised in a single father household and dad was a very physically abusive alcoholic.

The memory of the incident is very blurry and fuzzy in my brain but it’s always in the back of my mind. I don’t remember mom’s face or any concrete image of what happened. I don’t remember how it happened or why she did this to me. I just remember the painful sensations.
I remember feeling like I’m suffocating, my nose was even blocked. My jaw was hurting and I was crying so loud because I couldn’t move and I was very scared.
I don’t know if I was fed drugs and that was the reason my body was locked up or I was being held down, I don’t know, I was very young when it happened.

The only part I’m completely sure about is that she was on top of me and that she was shoving her genitals in my face.
I vividly remember what I was thinking and that I felt like I was going to die and that my arms must be cut off and that’s why I can’t feel them.
This is pretty much the only memory I have of my mom. I can’t remember her face or her voice or anything for the life of me. This was all I remember of her. I can’t ask about her without my dad going crazy and there are literally no photos of her around the house.

But thanks to whatever the hell she was carrying in her body, I now have extreme problems with my throat all throughout my life. Swallowing hurts sometimes and white sore spots just randomly appear in my throat where I taste blood and every once in a while and if I’m very unlucky, something inside my throat inflames to make it hard to breathe.
And when I get these resolved with a doctor and go to get another medicine that doesn’t even work and get another surgery for it, I still have a persisting cough as a side-effect so my body makes sure I feel like shit and remember what my mother had done to me everyday.

I hate having this reminder constantly hanging over my head and it’s not like I can tell anyone or find somebody to vent to that would relate in anyway cause I’ve never heard of a male being abused so brutally by his own mother anyway so I’m just very lonely in my trauma.

I’m tired of fighting this, I’m tired of pretending this doesn’t bother me. I didn’t enjoy this or want any of this and I just feel nauseous of what I could have done to have my own mom do this to me.
I’m sorry if this was too long and thanks for reading this rant. I just needed to get this out somewhere.

It’s very odd in my opinion. I’m sure people have heard these things just as I have and I’ve also seen these in scientific literature as well.
"The purpose of our species is sex" and that "everything is based on sex" "everything connects to sex" are things I’ve heard and read and it’s genuinely grating that so many people believe that orgasms are the best sensations your body can produce and it feels better than almost everything. (And yes, people have told me that word by word)
And it really shows in broader society.
Our disgusting higher-ups don’t show their depravity in any other ways as much as they have shown sexual perversion. (That has become evident with the Epstein files)
Our biggest criminals are sexual perverts.
most of our music, comedy, entertainment almost always has sex involved somewhere in it.
Sex is even used as torture or punishment in wars, camps, jails.
Sex seems to be a very primary way of experiencing life that is not isolated and just bleeds into every aspect of society and I’m just tired of seeing it everywhere because I can’t escape it.
Being a sex-repulsed asexual is basically a death sentence and it’s so lonely because even sex-favorable asexuals don’t see seem to understand this perspective.