r/actualasexuals

I didn’t know if I should even make this post. I’m kinda new to Reddit. So I identify as asexual, I have for a long time. I’m a virgin and I don’t plan on having sex ever. I’m repulsed for myself and honestly don’t like being touching me but that’s apart of the fact I’m autistic. I just don’t like being touched in general. Sex sounds like a sensory nightmare and everything about it sounds like a nightmare. But I also identify as fictosexual and no I don’t believe I’m dating fictional characters. Part of why I am is because it’s just a fantasy and I will never have to actual act anything out irl. It’s safe in my fantasy. If that makes sense. I also maladaptive day dream. I just want some input.

I’ve only just heard of this show. A friend mentioned it to me earlier but was vague on the details, so I decided to look it up and, well …I didn’t think the title would be so literal.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virgin\_Island\_(TV\_series)

Suffice to say I won’t be watching. I hate reality TV anyway, but the whole premise of this show just gives me the ick! What gets me though is that there are apparently “asexual” people on this show? WTF?

No wonder we aren’t taken seriously.

Title

Can't even bother trying dating apps and hoping to find someone decent, on hetero apps people usually at least have standarts and initially keep the sex talks to themselves but on gay apps too many guys just instantly jump to "im into X and Y and btw i have a porn addiction" like ew i didn't need to know all dat. Almost no male accs from my country on acespace too

https://preview.redd.it/7hdecf8wfm1h1.png?width=545&format=png&auto=webp&s=aec912a6e296280847d86e16fe58ea4922240d8a

Riiiiiiggght. I'm a lesromantic asexual, happily partnered to another woman and I'm just waiting for chad apparently lmao

When did it become ok to try to dismantle safe spaces? How is it bigotry or aphobic to want to find our own people? Actual Asexuals are not bigots or Aphobic; we are people searching for understanding and truth. We are refugees trying to figure ourselves out a way from the rest of the "spectrum" who are so sex favorible they attack, coerce, and shame other aces that dislike the idea of having sex. There are many here who found this place due to bigotry in its own form of trying to get non-sexuals to be sexual or shut them down about their trauma involving sex.
How can you not understand that putting sex repulsed, adverse, and sex favorables together in the same room won't work? What common grounds will a sex adverse and sex favorable have over Asexuailty? They are completely opposite, and now you want to remove our safe spaces, too. Why? Most laws that will have any impact on the Asexuality community are the rights to not engage in sex, so you're only hurting the minority that would be the most impacted by "Asexual" based laws.

You should be supporting and defending the queers that have different walks of life from you, instead of calling us broken and wanting to destroy our last few safe spaces. That's very Queerphobic/ Aphobic of you, my friend. Maybe if you would make your space friendly to ALL members of the spectrum instead of telling the sex repulsed/adverse they're ruining the ace identity, we wouldn't have to distance ourselves from you.

tw: SA, transphobia, aphobia

Sorry for the rant but this has been building up for awhile. Has anyone else sort of just been trying to avoid the LGBTQ+ community? i am fully sex-repulsed, always have been, and it’s just like… I get asked the same questions Or told the same statements.

”have you had your hormones checked?”

Yes.

“You’re an egg! Hatch and you might love sex!”

I am nonbinary. I am me.

”HRT might make you sex-favorable! all the asexuals I’ve known have changed when they get dysphoria treated!”

HRT makes me more dysphoric. And the amount of transgender people who have told me to just try HRT, while not huge, is more than just a handful. (Online and not)

I suppose I am just still hurt that a good friend kept telling me to go on HRT and bragging about how *big* she is… with the sole aim of sleeping with me. Saying that you’re too big and might hurt me isn’t a turn on.

Another friend asked about a healthy sexual compromise which would be one hour everyday. I don’t think that’s a compromise, but then I have to hear about how asexuals do this to please friends or partners. Or how I am transphobic for not trying.

Tl;dr: Dunno. I am just done with it. From being told I am an egg afraid of sex to how other asexuals can and want sex… I am tired of the in person and online LGBTQ+ community. When I joined a pride club, the first question I was asked when I said I’m asexual, was “What kind of asexual?” And then the food analogies.

Garlic bread is not the same as laying back and thinking of England. Sorry.

We are all humans on our own journeys. I will respect yours. Why can’t people respect mine?

Hello I am sorry for the post and harm. I confused. Thank you.

If I read subs like r/aromanticasexual and r/aroace it seems like there are very few posts about liking and desiring sex. Pretty much the only place where you find significant amounts of aromantics discussing wanting sex is the r/AroAllo sub where people are openly allosexual.

Do you think that the aro community has less fake aces?

Sex work is work, and doesn't define the persons orientation or desires.

Edit:

I'm not speaking in bad faith. You don't have to feel sexual attraction or sexual desire to engage in sex work. It's a form of physical labour. I'm an asexual sex worker myself. I'm trying to spread awareness.

Edit 2:

You guys are being really arrogant and determined to think I have bad intentions. But I won't let you guys turn me away from learning about asexuality. You're not all asexual people, you're just a tiny corner of the internet. Most people are way more open-minded and kind than all of you are.

I, 20, woman, never dated someone. I have kissed and somewhat flirted with people of both gender, but mostly under the influence of alcohol.

I am wondering whether or not I am asexual. I am sorry if my question is stupid or not very interesting.

I have never felt the real want to date or kiss or have sexual relationship with someone.

I have kissed someone today when I was drunk and was counting the second until it ended and making excuses not to do it again. It is just something I never enjoyed I guess ?

Like sometimes I am lonely and wish to be ''normal'' and in a relationship where I could feel these types of things but do not ? Idk how to explain clearly.

I figured that I could not really make the statement that I am or am not asexual since I am a virgin but honestly I don't really want to be that naked and intimate with people ?Like it is probably immature to say but I don't get the point of it ? It just seems awkward at best, eyes contact, faking it, and just weird positions, does not seem that enjoyable to me, just long and boring at best.

I am wondering whether it is because of trauma because I was raised under the purity culture like a lot ? But I just don't get the point and what the social rules are about this subject and I am not that interested? Idk please could someone enlight me ? (Sorry English is not my first language)

I've been talking to my mum about LGBT, asexuality, feminism, etc and then I came out of the closet as an asexual & biromantic, I showed her my pride pins. and she accepted me. also she's pretty LGBT-, asexual-friendly.

although I was hesitant about my coming out to my mum, ultimately I did it. I'm utterly happy.

As an artist, and photographer, I find it a bit bothersome that advertisements (can't avoid them) sexualize the female body by placing emphasis on breasts and butts, and then there's the message that women are inherently more beautiful than men which I find questionable (there's the race aspect too), and finally the idea that nudity is inherently sexual.

Does anyone else feel the same way as I do?

Why does it matter if someone is an 'actual asexual' or not as long as they are using a label that they are comfortable with and that helps them understand themselves more. For example: someone who only feels sexual attraction to someone they have a close connection with identifies under the ace umbrella, and identifying as such helps them feel comfortable and understood, even if they are technically allosexual.