r/actualasexuals

before i found out i was asexual, i did a lot of sexting with people online, a lot a lot, everyone that was my friend sexted with me, and i thought it was like, i was making these really good friends that really like me, like i had found this cool secret trick to making people be my friend and care about me and i just needed to sit there and pretend-write some flirts while i'm watching a movie. Then i figured out i'm asexual after actually trying sex in real life, and decided to tell these friends i didn't wanna do sexting anymore, and then i immediately lost 90% of those friends. I think one remained. It made me feel really awful, i still kinda do, the shock was immense and i felt incredibly gross and depressed. i thought people cared about me, i thought the sexting was a clever way of making friends, but then it turned out that none of them were my friends and immediately didnt care anymore and ditched me for people they could have sex with, and i felt insane because these people said how much they cared about me or that i was their best friend and then nothing. I think it's half the reason i'm so annoyed at how the world is, how people lie that they care about you but actually just see you as a sex object.

For those who know about blindness, blindness isn't always zero image, there's even a form of blindness with 20/20 vision if all you can see is 1 angle of what is front of you. So, the analogy is this, a little vision is still blind, so therefore, a little sexual attraction is asexual. So, if I get that comment, what should be the rebuttal?

hi, i'm very sex repulsed. to the point i think it trips me up a lot very frequently. i try to avoid seeing it whenever i can, i put in "dont show mature content" in apps that have that option, etctetera, but some stuff always falls through anyway because the author of a post doesn't mark it as mature and i end up seeing it and get distressed. do you have tips on avoiding it better?

Hiii actual asexual folks! I'm completely new to reddit and made this account just to be with like minded ace folk! I can't wait to learn, make friends, and be my self around actual asexual people 💜🖤 I was angry, upset and heartbroken knowing that the meaning of asexual was twisted into something else, so im very glad that this subreddit exists.

I’ve been thinking about how society decides which traits are valid identities and which ones get pathologized.

The term Asocial was fundamentally rooted in eugenics and nationalist ideology, intended to excise those who did not conform to the regime’s demands for productivity, racial purity, and order.

Those labeled as "asocials" and forced to wear black triangles in concentration camps included the homeless, long term unemployed, the "work shy", addicts, people living off-grid, disabled people, sex workers, and many others.

The label was deliberately vague and nebulous so that the police could send Asocials to the concentration camps for arbitrary reasons such as having a bad attitude, being perceived as untrustworthy, or generally not the cooperating with the state. If one were to engage in this behaviour today, you would be swiftly labelled as Anti Social, and given any number of clinical diagnoses such as ASPD, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and many more conditions which are beginning to look more and more like political crimes that can be pathologised and treated with powerful, personality-altering medicine, or otherwise criminalised, or perhaps encouraged to label yourself as disabled and claim compensation.

Hans Asperger had to actively defend the children in his clinic by arguing to the Nazi regime that their "social eccentricities" could be funneled into high-level intellectual and economic utility for the state. He knew that if the regime categorized these children purely as "asocial," they would face forced sterilization. The autistic savant trope has some dark roots.

This is my answer to everyone who ever said "I never asked to be born", who recognised they were forced to play along with a society that never once asked their permission in a meaningful way.

And this is my question to you:

Asexuality is now becoming rightly recognized as a valid orientation. But true asociality, such as the desire to be entirely away from people is still judged or viewed as a medical or criminal issue.

From your perspective as an ace person, why do you think society is more comfortable accepting a lack of sexual attraction than a lack of social attraction?

My libido skyrockets to high heavens almost every menstrual cycle. Arousal feels like a constant anxious feeling, and if I'm not careful, libido communicates sexual whispers to my brain trying to tempt me into reading smut and masturbating to it. I hate masturbation, it makes me feel groggy and depressed in an angry way. I hate the smut I read because it reflects off the trauma I endured in my life. So I'm left with that anxious feeling. I tried spearmint tea, I've tried mindful breathing and the naming ten things around me bullshit.

I don't know if it's too extreme to talk about here, but I want to be castrated. However I don't want to lose my ability to gain muscle if my testosterone is depleted...

My honest belief is that if you remove the libido, or whatever is triggering the sensation of arousal, sexual thoughts will not affect you. It'll just be an image in your mind as if you're thinking of something bland like raw broccoli. I know this because at one point my libido fell to an all-time low to a point sexual thoughts didn't stimulate my brain no matter how much I ran it through my head. I even tried masturbation, there was no sensation. Now I want to rid of libido entirely because that was the most I ever felt peaceful.

I’ve been trying to figure out if this is something I should bring up to some sort of doctor.

I am asexual, no doubt about it. I would like to live a life without sex. Social factors have influenced my perspective towards sex, so that I constantly feel deficient for being unable/unwilling to participate. As a result, I have sort of “experimented” in the past to try to figure out if something, some technique, some mindset, will “fix the deficiency.” I have no primary desire for sex.

However, I also seem to just not get much out of sex to begin with. Masturbation is like scratching an itch that never really relieves, I’ve never orgasmed in my life. Interpersonal sex felt like it could be different when I first started experimenting with it, because the physical sensations were unlike anything else I’d experienced before, but once I got used to the sensations, it felt lacking, like “this can’t be the thing that everyone else gets all hyped up about.”

Now, this doesn’t really bother me, which is why I haven’t been to any doctor about it, but I sometimes wonder if I should still call myself asexual if I have the potential to become more sexual and am refusing to take it… or something like that.

Anyone else here who doesn’t experience much pleasure from sexual experiences? If so, what are your thoughts?

Hello, I've recently pieced together that i'm an asexual, and it has put to bed a mystery that has confounded me for many, many years.

I think I've been going through life flirting on auto pilot. It's confused myself and a lot of people. I get creeped on by people of all genders, I just think I'm being friendly tbh. It's a surprise everytime.

Unfortunately it led to me being hyper sexualized as an asexual woman, and a lot of people have ganged up on me trying to figure out what my sexuality is etc. It's been an incredibly intrusive experience.

How common is this as an asexual experience? Does anyone have any advice on training oneself to turn this feature off? Lol

CW - talk of sex / sexual attraction

(22F) For starters, I'm absolutely positive that I'm a lesbian and have identified as such for most of my life, as I'm very sex- and romance-repulsed by men. However, I've also been questioning whether I'm asexual since middle school.I'm very romantically and aesthetically attracted to women, but I feel zero sexual arousal when seeing them naked or engaging in sexual activities outside of smut or books. (I'm also sexually repulsed by p0rn)

Essentially, women feel more like art to me.Despite never feeling sexual attraction or arousal, I wouldn't mind performing sexual acts with a woman I'm in a relationship with. (Likewise, I also wouldn't mind NEVER having sex in a relationship obviously) When I imagine sexual acts with a partner, it feels more like something I'd do for them rather than somthing out of my own initiative (not because i feel forced by society). I see myself enjoying it because of everything else it offers tho, closeness, kissing, hugging, warmth / emotional intimacy, and even the sensation of climaxing. I feel completely neutral about sex and women's bodies (in a sexual context) in general, neither feel exiting or "gross" but somthing that just exists. I already know on other subs people would call me demi or grey, but I honestly want a clear understanding of asexuality. Is this asexuality or am I an allo who needs an emotional connection before sex? Thank you

I was just wondering what the consensus In this sub is about kinky asexuals. I am sex repulsed asexual, never had sex never want to have it except maybe for making kids. But I do think I maybe will like some kinky/bdsm activities, even tho I never tried. I'm not sure if it's arousal that I would feel from kink, but it would definitely be exciting or desire in some way. So my question would be, am I still an actual asexual, with kinky desires?

I am an autistic adult (low support needs) , also have pmos, thyroid , was on ssri and somewhat overweight I am trying to figure out my orientation labels. I wanted to share my experience to see if anyone else experiences attraction and arousal this way ​I very rarely experience ||physical arousal (tingling sensation normally and sexual release very rare) || from visual stimuli. When it happens, it feels like a purely mechanical bodily reflex. I don't enjoy it I usually feel uncomfortable, detached, and find myself analyzing the sensation from a distance rather than actually wanting it. During these rare spikes of physical arousal, I sometimes get random, intrusive mental images or urges targeted toward people I know (or random faces) whoever was in close proximity then I don't even think about them . However, I have absolutely zero conscious desire to act on them(||I don't pleasure/masturbate or know how to||) . It feels like my brain is just pairing random images with a mechanical body reflex. I find both men and women attractive to look at (aesthetic attraction), but I don't want a sexual relationship with either. When it comes to physical touch, I am much more comfortable giving or receiving deep-pressure touch like hugs from women than men (excluding family). I have a habit of maladaptive daydreaming where I build rich stories. I used to think I had a romantic crush on a specific person because I would daydream about rom-com scenarios (like a basic, non-French kiss) because that's "what is supposed to happen" in media. But after my autism diagnosis, I realized it's actually a special interest/hyperfixation. He intellectually stimulates me and I want to know everything about him. Even knowing he is dating someone else doesn't bother me at all . I just want to be friends, and a hug would be nice. I am also very averse to the even idea of me participating in it. I am also a late bloomer who don't even know a lot of things till I grow up .I am trying to figure out if it's just medical low libido or I am actually ace or gray or in allospec.

La asexualidad es la orientación que define a las personas que no experimentan atracción sexual. Sin embargo, existe una opinión controvertida —especialmente en ciertos círculos cerrados en línea— que afirma que el espectro asexual no existe o que debería ser etiquetado estrictamente como el "espectro grissexual" fuera de la asexualidad. En mi opinión, y respaldada por la gran mayoría de la investigación y los recursos profesionales en línea, cualquier orientación que denote la falta de atracción sexual bajo condiciones específicas pertenece al espectro asexual (el espectro Ace) y representa la "A" en LGBTQIA+. Esto se debe a que inherentemente rompe con la norma alosexual y conlleva su propia lucha histórica por el respeto y la aceptación social. Identidades como la grissexualidad y la demisexualidad pertenecen al espectro asexual porque describen cómo se desarrolla la atracción completamente fuera de la alonormatividad.

Decir que una persona demisexual es simplemente una "alosexual que se toma su tiempo" es pura desinformación y una forma de exclusión de la experiencia demisexual dentro de la comunidad LGBTQ+. Las etiquetas LGBTQIA+ no solo describen a quién te atrae; también abarcan tu identidad de género y cómo tu atracción se manifiesta fuera de la norma convencional. La alosexualidad no forma parte de la comunidad LGBTQ+ porque es la norma social dominante. Además, una persona demisexual o grisexual puede sentirse completamente asexual si nunca se cumplen las condiciones específicas para su atracción.

Obviamente, la asexualidad es una orientación en sí misma para las personas que no experimentan ninguna atracción sexual. Pero el espectro asexual está ampliamente reconocido en los estudios profesionales de la sexualidad humana. Intentar excluir a las personas dentro de este espectro solo porque pueden experimentar atracción bajo ciertas condiciones, o reducirlas a "alosexuales con condiciones", es intelectualmente deshonesto y excluyente.

EDIT: My intention is not to invalidate strict asexuality or the trauma of aces being forced into sexual activity against their will. My goal is simply to address an issue that is heavily dismissed in this space. Validating the ace-spec does not diminish the reality of strict asexuality. Both exist

Ok so if a straight man had sex with another man but was not sexually attracted to him, it was only for fun or whatever, then he is not gay.
He can have sex with both men and women and enjoy both, through in different way, but he is still straight.
Tell me how many people in our society would not argue about him being straight. And tell me how many would call him bisexual or gay.

I don't know, i just wanted to know if people relate to me on this.

I feel like in a world where sex isn't so pushed and exposed everywhere to everyone I'd almost be just averse to it. If i was less pressured by literally everyone to pursue it, I'd be less disgusted by the content. I think a big reason i feel repulsion so strongly is that i can't avoid seeing it even if i try. It's like it's a blaring alarm telling me "Hi! do the thing you don't like! Your sexuality doesn't matter!"

I've noticed that around friends that treat sex more secretly and don't get too much into detail, only mention it like "Yeah I'm on birth control" or such, i feel a lot less repulsed towards that than when someone is praising sex or talking about how good it is. I have some moments where i feel less repulsed and it seems almost proportional to how someone is describing it, if someone is just mentioning it casually as a thing that exists or people do sometimes i can even be like "oh, okay.", but the moment it's like, a kinky or suggestive or detailed mention of sex immediately the nono alarm sounds.

seems similar in movies and shows. if it's something quick and easy to skip, i tend to feel less bad about the general show than i do when it plays a bigger role in it.