u/jolittlelene

im really confused. So, i told my therapist about being asexual and struggling with feeling that I'm not and getting confused. She told me to explore my sexuality without pressure, and I'm.. trying to find out what that's supposed to mean or what to do. I'm uh, i don't want to look at erotic content, i already had trouble with that in the past I'm sober and don't ever want to change that. But I don't know any other way of experimenting. Is it even right what she told me? Should i force myself to experiment? Because i kinda... I don't really feel like it. I kinda just want to do nothing. I just wanna feel safer that I'm asexual i don't really want to experiment about it, I'd like to find other ways to be sure I'm asexual rather than that.

Hi this is a happy post. I have a plushie that i carry around since i was a kid, and over the years he's getting pretty flat, i joke that he's on a diet! but recently i looked online and found out he can get fluffy again by buying new fluff, and i wanted to do it but i cried a lot it looked scary when i thought about doing it, like doing surgery, but my mom said she'll do it for me! i'm really excited to have him fluffy and nice again, it's been a while since he's been as huggable as he used to be and i think its gonna be really nice.

hi, how do i work around this? i stim a lot, its hard for me to watch class without stimming, but a classmate keeps asking me to stop that she can't pay attention when I'm stimming, how do i fix this so it doesn't bother her?

i mean freaky in the original definition, someone who gets called a freak. I've always been called a freak, i was called by people because of being trans and because of being autistic. then i saw a lot of people nowadays identify with being a "freak", and thought that meant i was finally going to be accepted. No, circles that were proud about being "freaky" were still just as hateful towards me even though they prouded themselves on being weird. And i found the algorithm, how it works in people's head. They like everything you are as long as it's a fetish, or it means they have a chance at having sex with you. example: i carry a plushie everywhere i go for emotional support, did that since i was a child was never able to stop. i have a pacifier to sleep because it calms me down, i like cartoons and kids shows. People flooded towards me about that, they really liked those traits of mine and for the first time I thought yay my weirdness is accepted and even appreciated! but then they disappear into the wind once they realize this isn't a sex thing. Once they ask you to call them "daddy"(????) and you say no, they vanish. They might even call you names or get angry like "oh why would you present that way though if you aren't gonna be kinky." maybe it's none of your business, idiot. People accept what's different as long as it's their sex fantasy and flee and even get mad when it's not.

I don't know how to explain my sexuality anymore other than explaining how i feel which is: "wow that looks uncomfortable" whenever i see sex. it doesn't look good, it looks like it smells and has too much sweat and body fluids, it looks like a weird wrestling match. Idk how to explain it, but that's the deepest reason i feel I'm asexual, i just don't understand why someone would want to do that when it just looks so... weird. Put someone having sex and idk, a pro wrestler match side to side and they're not that different! two people groping eachother while they shout swears. That sounds kind of hilarious actually. That's how i feel about sex. It doesn't look right and I can't understand why I'd want that

sometimes i get racked by these feelings in my head that I'm making my life worse. that i should go watch porn and read smut and date and find sex and reinstall tinder and do normal sex stuff right now because I'm wasting my time and haven't found enough evidence to define I'm asexual and maybe THIS TIME if i experiment I'll find the one who I'm attracted to. That I'm one step away from happiness if i just go out and experiment again and try to find "the one" that I'll be attracted to. To look at porn again and make myself "normal". but then i remember i already tried all those things and only hurt myself beyond belief. I hate my brain sometimes

Hi, it's jolene again. I'm concerned about something and mom's advice isn't good i think. People treat me a lot like I'm not able to do things and try to stop me from doing them or don't explain to me things because they think I won't get it, but when I'm doing things at school or about my interests it's the opposite, people start expecting that i can do anything and everything and i end up suffering because I'm not good at asking for help. I talked to mom about it, and she says it's because i make myself "look immature", she says it's because of my plushies and fidgets and stimming that makes me look stupid. I hated that she said that, but I can't help but notice that it's really weird, people always assume I'm either completely incapable or a genius no in-between. And it stinks because I'm not good at explaining this, I'm really good at math and things about numbers and computers, it's my favorite thing ever i like learning and knowing more about computers always, but it's like people hear that I'm really smart about computers and math and end up thinking i can do anything and get angry that i can do school stuff but can't do other things right. Like mom gets really angry that i don't speak super well because i can write things really really formal, says it doesn't make sense. But to me it makes total sense, when I'm going to write down something for school I'm gonna spend a lot of effort but I can't afford that effort every every time every day. But i hate that i am like this too a bit because it feels like i can solve puzzles and computer things really easily but can't cook or go to the grocery store or not get lost when I'm walking just a bit away from my house. It's like some tasks are straight forwards and others i keep failing. And i don't understand why my smarts are so split like that, why it's really easy for me some things and impossible to do another.

i feel like I'm going insane. it's been a month since i started, and i slowly felt my muscles get more uncontrollable and now its even worse. it gets a lot better on days that I don't take it, but after 2 hours after taking the pill, i can't for the life of me keep my body still, putting weight on the muscle, trying to hold it steady as possible, doesn't work, my entire body keeps spasming out and it's driving me insane, even some internals like the abdomyn keep spasming. It feels exactly like when i drink coffee, and exactly how i felt on Ritalin. What do i do? My psychiatrist was basically telling me I'm faking it, didn't help at all, didn't let me change the dose. I'm on 40mg. i swear it's driving me insane how my body just won't listen to me, my arms keep jumping my neck keeps twitching my legs keep jumping. I just want to rest but it doesn't let me. Even breathing is weird because my diaphragm suddenly twitches and i get a half breath.

i feel really scared that nobody will ever want to date or marry me. i don't like sex, i don't like kissing, i barely like hugs unless someone follows my sensory needs. it feels like it's hopeless. I can't give anyone anything. I don't even have a big income to pay someone to date me. It's really scary. It's like I'm worthless to anyone.

hi, i realized i have a big problem with knowing where to go or where I'm going. my parents have been trying their hardest to teach me the layout of my town ever since i was really small, but even today I can't connect the dots. I can tell where i am if I'm one block or two away from my house at max, if i walk anywhere further i get entirely lost, it's like i have an idea of these places, I've seen them before, but i can't map them out in position to eachother, unless i actually draw it on paper and make a map. My parents encouraged me a few times, but they get really angry at me and think I'm faking or not paying attention on purpose when they guide me through the streets and then ask me "okay, where do we have to go next?" and i genuinely can't tell.

I've worked really hard and tried my best to build a mental map of the places around my house, but it never works, it just stresses me out how it feels like I've built a good map in my head of where things are supposed to go, but when i actually try following i get lost and need help getting back. And it makes me angry and cry and get really mad at myself, because it's been years i should be able to not get lost already, but i just can't. It's like my internal compass malfunctions and can't place the grid right. I can't tell where I'm supposed to go next. the best I've found is memorizing objects for when i need to get to the gas station, like, to get to gas station i need to see the Big tree, then the pet store, then the water tower.. And if i memorize the objects i need to see in order, then i can keep that one single path, but when i have to make any deviation from that I'm immediately lost and need help getting back home, or when i need to go from one place to another.

i think it's not useful anymore to tell people "I'm asexual" because people never understand it. I think I'm gonna say my boundaries more specifically and just go "I don't want sex at all", that feels like it stops more misunderstandings about what i mean. because whenever i say asexual people expect some sex some want but i have none. i think saying what i mean by asexual will make things easier for me than saying asexual

im really really happy, it comes back next week i think! ever since it shut down ive been not talking to anyone irl and now I'll be able to talk to my friends again! im really happy.

im tired that it's everywhere. im tired that going outside and talking to anyone reminds me I'm never going to understand them

I don't know what to write i think this is just more of a vent because i keep seeing this happening everywhere and personal situations and people on the internet. I wear diapers for nighttime because i have bladder control issues at night and its been something im very embarrassed and self hatey about and not fun about my body but i then i find someone who has issues like me, but when i meet them it's never true they're not like that they're lying and they post and show me sexualized things and i have to leave for my safety. and its impossible to escape that stuff whenever someone finds out i wear them i get judged and people think I'm a fetishist and it's always the worst people always assume the worst and i hate that everyone knows about diaper fetishes now and immediately think my medical issue is some for fun thing when it's a monthly financial medical cost to my life not a fun kink choice and im tired

hi, i just wanted to vent about somethign because i think i face some form of pressure and opression for being asexual. my parents always ask me about having children and finding someone to breed with one day and that i'll one day "grow into" having sex and i awlays have to defend myself and explain i wouldn't, i simply wouldn't do it. they tell me about how i should find a way to "compromise" if i want to have a partner and i don't, i don't want to, at all, i don't want to compromise on my sexuality ever ever. i hate that compromising on asexuality is such a common take from people when they hear you're asexual.

Hi! i have a big , almost 24/7 interest in undertale/deltarune and five nights at freddys. i think ever since undertale came out when i was a kid its been a part of my life that took over everything, and i was thinking about the friend i talk to most and she was joking that it's like everything i talk about is deltarune/undertale. and i realized shes not really wrong, every day i spend hours and hours watching undertale theories ever since years ago haven't stopped and i keep replaying the games and I don't think there's a single day where i don't talk about it, and when people want to talk to me it's really hard for me to not bring it into deltarune/undertale because that's the only thing i want to talk about. I can switch to fnaf and that works too, but deltarune tends to be my main priority and even if I'm talking about other topics i need to somehow talk about undertale or deltarune a bit if i want to continue being able to talk, i realized my conversations last so much more if im able to pull in those things than when I don't i tend to not wanna talk at all. I wish i knew how to fix it because I'm realizing it's the difference between me being able to keep a friendship or not is if i can talk about my special interests, but then i was talking to my mom and she was saying people probably get bored of me talking again and again about the same thing, and i realized it's probably why people don't keep around , and i want to know if there's a way to open up more the topics i talk about without getting bored

Hi, I have a lot of issue and dont know how to make friends. I've been trying to find out how with my therapist, a tip she said is that its best to find how i would want to make friends, and ive had success online by entering discords of stuff i like and asking if someone wants to be my friend, and that works. But i've been trying to make friends in my college, and it doesn't work like that, I approach someone that seems nice, i ask if they want to be my friend, and they say yes but then its like they dont actually want to talk to me. Or at least it feels that way it always dies down very quick. So i keep trying to make new friends and its like people dont want to. I feel very lonely because of that. I had a day group for a short while and it was the best thing ever ever but then the funding got cut and now i don't, and my therapist doesn't know any other places says there isn't here. My therapist said to let it happen more naturally by staying around at places people stay at university, but i keep trying and it doesn't work, first i really really don't like being at university, it's incredibly overwhelming and scary and i just go to classes and then my dad takes me home quick. I tried staying once or twice but i didn't know what to do. I stood there and waited but i didn't see anyone come talk to me and everyone already was talking to someone.

hi, I'm noticing that I probably identify as asexual, but I don't know why exactly because idont think its because i dont Want to love someone. I'm very hard at understanding my feelings, but i think most of it is because I'm very very very touch averse. I don't like Anyone at all touching me ever. Which was a nightmare when i started dating because i didn't know someone i liked touching me was also going to be overwhelming. I tried and it didn't work, i always wanted distance and no touch at all. Which puts sex off the table, and most romantic activities, it feels like nobody would want to date someone who doesn't let you touch them. I don't know, i feel like i just want a relationship where we both date but we don't touch each other don't kiss etc. But that doesn't sound, i don't think I'll ever find someone who's okay with my boundaries. I thought it was a trauma reaction, and tried fixing in therapy, but my therapist said it didn't sound like that it just sounded like sensory overwhelm, and i got very sad because then i don't think anyone will love me if i don't let them touch me or i touch them. It's like someone touching me feels like claustrophobic and makes my skin feel tight and i need to shake it out. Feels kinda like wherever is touching me is really warm and i need them to stop. And i thought it would be fixed if i liked someone enough, but then it didn't and i felt really stupid because i really tried to like it. But then when i said no touching anymore they broke up with me and called me manipulative and loveless. I don't know what to do. At all