Ex-Boyfriend Tried Again (Advice/Support Wanted)
Content Warning: compromise sex, poor consent practices
For some context, I stayed roommates with my ex-boyfriend, and we've been fine as roommates past some initial awkwardness about the breakup about 2 years ago. Also, this was a gay relationship, which is not super relevant but I'd rather people didn't assume I'm a woman.
I was the one who broke up with him, after two years of compromise sex wrecked my mental health. I was also recognizing at the time I'm likely greyromantic or something. I named the lack of romantic feelings and sexual incompatibility as the reason for the breakup, though I didn't disclose just how much the compromise sex ultimately hurt me. That felt like my own fault for agreeing to it.
Last night he asked me for a hug and told me he was feeling very sad and anxious. So I tried to comfort him. He wanted to cuddle and I agreed to that. Cuddling felt nice, honestly. Sometimes I miss the emotional closeness. But then he became progressively more and more sexual. He wasn't forceful, but he also didn't ask, and he pushed some boundaries.
Through some confusing mix of people-pleasing/fawn response and wanting emotional closeness, I allowed things to progress even as I felt more and more disconnected. It felt a bit like autopilot. I ended up feeling really stupid and ashamed afterwards.
Obviously I need to talk to him about what happened, but I could use some support and advice from anyone who has been in similar situations.