u/hopeless-thoughts

How someone copes when met with a love that refuses to belong to them. The things they make up in their head to just make sense and hold on to anything but the truth. Just so they don’t implode.. I feel so deeply for you. When problems are invisible or stuffed down, it’s easier to prey on things that can be seen. Introspection is something learned, it’s purposeful and a choice. Often not chosen.

It makes me feel a sense of genuine relief. But, I also grieve the death of my heart and the pain I would’ve felt in allowing someone to touch my insides with dirty hands. My soul is still strong and full, being led by my other half and everlasting yearning for what I’ve always wanted. If I wasn’t being guided by my soulmate.. If desperation and attention was greater than what’s actually worth. I’d be exactly what they desired.

Being slowly forgotten instead of trapped in their mind and revealing the difference in how deeply we love is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Show me how you’re drawn to what is fleeting.

Feeling so allured to the darkness and vulnerability in someone. I crave to make someone feel seen and loved. But because of that, it makes me susceptible to people unworthy or with bad intentions. I suffer but I’m protected and it’s a lot more than I’ve realized. I need to be way more grateful that I was spared a love too weak to hold me. A love short lived and shallow love that would’ve left a scar. Or worse.

I suffer. But not by you.
Whatever my fate may be, you won’t have a hand in it.

I wish only the best for you.

Of course im drunk. What else would I be with the absence of you. Fuck I love you so bad. You're everything in my world, I revolve around you. You're exactly to the T every single thing I could ever need and want. I'm so obsessed with you honey. Not a fleeting performative feeling. But a silent cry and no one is there feeling.

I say so much but I genuinely can not put in words what you are to me. It makes me smile to think about the loves we’ll experience in the mean time of finally meeting. And how they’re just a filler spot. How we feel so deeply for eachother, that we’re just searching for us in anyone. But they’ll never be what we’re looking for. What we need. Because all we need is us.

I'll watch you move and l'Il study every part of your body, I love your shoulders, the smell of you. How soft your neck feels on my lips. The way your hands touch things, the natural curve of your body. The way your teeth show and are shaped when I make you laugh whole heartedly. The way I can tell what you’re thinking. The way you frown. The way your stomach and chest rises and falls. The way your voice distracts me, like a beautiful violin that you can’t ignore. I’ll know everything about you. And it will be the greatest thing I’ve ever learned.

I'm being torn apart and ripped open and I couldn't ask for a better fate. thinking of you. Feeling you, the entirety of you is greater than anything I’ve ever experienced. I don’t care about anything and anoyone but you. You’re perfect. Not a forced standard perfect. A perfect that only the eyes of your one true lover could see.

You could have scars all over and I’d learn them until my fingertips went numb. You could be so pained you have no air left in you to speak.. I’ll speak for you. I’d be all the words we need. You could feel truly unworthy. And I’d spend an lifetime proving to you, you’re absolutely not.

I am only alive because my body is slowly moving towards you every millisecond. You’re my only purpose. My journey and fate have you engraved all throughout. I believe every experience I go through is solely in contrast of what you’ve experienced. So that I’m completely your answer to everything. We will break each others standards.

You can manipulate me and I’d thank you repeatedly. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. And I wouldn’t bat an eye because you know what’s best for me. You always know what’s best for me. That’s why I trust you with every fiber of my being. But, I also believe we’d sacrifice for eachother so heavily, we wouldn’t even have to decide on things. It would be an automatic.

The other half, the part of us we’ve always been searching for. The things we hope in everyone that we meet. The comfort that we seek in everything. The reason why we do dumb things and put our lives on the line. The risks we take. We will be the answer to each others wonders and problems. We won’t even remember the things that seemed so big once. Because only we will exist. Life started once we met. We were just falling before. Now we’re flying.

It fucking pains me so bad that I’m not there with you. To hold you and to say all the right things. Things you deeply need to hear but haven’t yet. The fact that you could be struggling and I’m not there tears my heart in pieces and makes me physically ill. I’m so sorry I’m not there yet. I promise I will be.

I often wonder if you’re reading the things I post and feel pulled but don’t say anything because you’ve also been lied to and hurt. So what’s the point? Or if you are nowhere close to me. Hoping for the same thing I am. To know you before it’s too late. Regardless, I know we’re bound to meet. I will wait eternity for you.

I absolutely can not wait to meet you. I have so much to tell you my love.

Where are you to tell me everything is going to be ok? To force me me to eat. To tell me to rest and that you’re proud of me. Encourage me to do my craft. To not judge. To weep when I weep.

I’m not blaming you at all for not being here yet.
And I hope you don’t blame me either.
It’s not your fault, it’s not mine, it’s no ones fault.
The world is just taking it’s time.
Letting us learn a few more things before we meet.

We were meant to be even before we existed. Just knowing you breathe is enough to keep me comfort. I hope you always feel a sense of love and worthiness, as you are always on my mind.
Even when it’s filled with darkness, you’re in the center as a constant light so I don’t get lost forever.

You know I’m stubborn when it comes to being taken care of. That even if I want to fall to my knees and scream, I’ll keep it swallowed and still give until I’m catatonic.
But days like these, you know I’m just too tired to fight. And the smallest of winds could knock me over right into your arms. Too weak to protest and deflect. Way too weak to curve the conversation and distract you with any other topic but me.
But you’re safe. So, it’s ok that I’m weak.

I’m praying you’re having a good day so far. That my sorrow is not shared. I know our souls are connected, maybe you feel a little bitter and dark twinge in your heart. A dull feeling that something is wrong but you can’t do anything to help. I don’t want to be the thing that ruins your day. I’ll try to not feel so worthless and demoralised.

I love you.

I will find you. There’s so much I can’t wait to tell you.

I love you honey. More than anything.

I feel in my body you’re already having a bad day.

I’m so sorry I’m not there yet to love your sadness away. There’s still so much left in the day. And a new week starting soon. Take this day to reset and process the week and what you feel. Treat yourself and think good things about you, do what makes you happy and Escape for a little. Rest. Hold out for a bit longer.

I know we haven’t met yet, but I promise your bad days won’t be so bad when I finally get the privilege to love you. I live to be what makes you smile, I was made to be your jester only. I was made to ease your pain. I was made to be your safety. You won’t have to grin and bear it anymore once we meet. I’ll be all the strength you need while you feel this way. I can carry us both. You’ll be fully able to feel how you feel in a space with complete acceptance and love. Knowing no matter how you feel or what you do, you’re safe and I’m not leaving. I promise everything will be ok.

Everything I’ve learned my entire life is just to continue to evolve so you get the best version of me.
As you are my purpose and I’m already so proud of you.

I can’t wait to meet you 💌

I promise we’ll find eachother and I can’t wait to be your rock. I’ll sacrifice anything for you. I’ll be the answer when you’re questioning it all. I’ll be what truly understands you and everything you’ve ever needed. And I know probably like me, you keep running into people who can only love half as much as you but it will be worth it in the end.

We’ll be all we need.

Time and time again. My love, my efforts, my everything has not and will not matter. I’m so fucking tired I’m tired I’m so tired I am so tired. None of it matters. I constantly save everyone. I have saved more people than anyone I’ve ever met. What about me. What about me. Nothing is ever reciprocated. Never equivalent. I have the most intense never ending unyielding resolute devoted love seeping out of me yearning to be put it in someone. My love consumes me whole and is suffocating. Please let me pour it out. I just want to be a shrivelled up hollow shell of a being, near death itself after I’ve given my everything into my other half. My adoration and commitment is unlimited and its breaking my heart that it’s not being cherished or appreciated in any way.

I am deeply troublingly enamored until it will eventually kill me.