Partner An I seem physically incompatible AIO?
Okay so just looking for a general consensus on whether I’m overthinking this or not.
I (28m) and my gf (28f) have been struggling in the bedroom for the past 2 years. We have been together for almost 3 years now. She moved across the country for me and for the most part, our relationship is amazing. We hardly ever fight, we enjoy a lot of the same hobby’s and we talk about literally everything. We hold safe spaces for both of us to express how we feel and most disagreements are handled with calm discussions.
We also are both bisexual, and in the beginning of the relationship, our sex was fast, wild and fun. I honestly felt we were a match made in heaven. Being a bisexual male, I enjoy being dom like 70% of the time and sub like 30% of the time. And when we were exploring each other early on, she said she was the same in the sense she likes being sub 70% of the time and dom 30% of the time. But early on I was dom 100% and she was sub 100%. Which was fine because I do enjoy being dom. But as time went on , we started having sex less often. And after a year of struggling , and without discussion we kinda took like a 8-10 month break from sex. Im a little bit Demi in the sense , I don’t want to have sex with anyone unless I feel they 100% want to have sex with me back. Like if I feel they’re not really wanting it, I don’t want it at all, it’s a huge turn off for me. So back to the break, I started to feel like I was the only one wanting sex and she said she did when we talked about it but she never initiated, which made me believe that she’s didn’t really want to. (Bc if she did, I’m literally always down to clown)
She told me that she’s been struggling mentally and she doesn’t feel worthy or attractive. I constantly reassure her, tell her she’s beautiful etc. And I’ve asked her if there was anything I can do to make her feel better about herself or if I was doing anything to make her feel that way. She said it was a her thing and it has nothing to do with me. That I please her a lot and it’s a personal problem for her. So since she doesn’t feel attractive, she doesn’t want to have sex.
I told her I’d be willing to do or try anything, like I want to be whoever she needs to be satisfied, I’m pretty open regarding sex. But nothing, she just says she doesn’t want to change our sex and she likes it how it is.
Yet we never have sex… and like if it was a 2-3 month period where she was going through it mentally I’d be 100% understanding. But as it sits right now, 2 out of our 3 years of dating have been dysfunctional due to our struggling sex life.
She’s in therapy, and we are trying to work on it, but it still seems we only have sex if I initiate. Or if we have a talk about it, she’ll initiate a few days after and then we’ll go months without sex.
When talking about kinks passively , she only really mentions kinks about other women, big boobs etc.. and when I ask her about like kinks that I could fulfill , she kinda just goes blank and says idk.
I’ve almost broke up with her over it a few times, not because I’m upset with her but because it’s affecting my mental health, it affects my confidence and I want a relationship where we have a healthy sex life. And 2 out of 3 years being not healthy, really gets me in my head, like I’m waisting my time.
I love everything else about our relationship, and I think that’s why I’ve stayed so long. And she did move thousands of miles for me. She is affectionate in other ways, we makeout, kiss often and we are pretty handsy with each other around the house.
Yet it never leads to sex, am I overreacting? Should I break it off? Should I wait and see if things get better? She tells me constantly that she wants us to fix our sex life, yet nothing ever changes. In the past 6-8 months , we have had sex 3 times and she’s given me head once. I don’t like asking for sex because I want to know it’s reciprocal. I keep telling myself , give us 6 more months to fix things but I never can bring myself to ending it. Deep down I want it to work, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But the way it affects my mental, I can’t do it like this for the rest of my life. What’s y’all’s take, AIO?