vent post
I’m only going to vent about this once. This has been weighing on me since the week before my 20th birthday, and I need to either let it go or at least put it out there so I can move on with my life.
My parents are good people. They mean well, and that’s why I can’t bring myself to be too angry. We missed out on a lot of childhood and teenage experiences, but it’s not all their fault. It was just how things happened. We moved to the mainland US when I was 11 and bounced from state to state before finally settling in a good city with great schools. That was the point where my parents finally let us be in a real school environment.
At first it was rough. I struggled both academically and socially, and adjustments had to be made, but eventually I made friends and my grades improved. I got bullied because I was weird as fuck, but honestly I still enjoyed it because I finally felt normal. Then Covid hit, we moved again, and we got put into the ACE curriculum. Standard awful homeschool experiences ensued.
My parents are not good teachers. They’re good at teaching people, just not their own kids. I grew frustrated because I felt like I was falling behind everyone else, and after a year of homeschooling, all the progress I thought I’d made felt completely gone. By that point none of us really got along anymore. They never said it directly, but I could tell they regretted us constantly being around each other because we were always fighting. My mom got a job while we stayed home and studied.
What really made me angry was when my parents dropped the whole “supervisor” act. The entire point of this was to stay together as a family and maintaining our Christian values, but by then we barely talked, stopped doing Bible study, and didn’t even go to church consistently. So what the hell was the point? What were we even doing anymore?
I grew really jealous of other teenagers. I knew I was capable of making friends. We were just too isolated from people our own age to socialize. I’d see kids on TikTok sharing experiences, being goofy with friends, going out to eat, walking around and just hanging out, knowing there was basically no possibility for me to do any of that. I remember thinking, “Why am I still lonely even though I did and continue to do everything in my power to not be alone?”
It feels stupid and pathetic to still be this angry and jealous, but I know I’ll never get that time back, and it sucks that I missed it. I’m trying as hard as I can to make the most of my education and social life now, but I still feel too behind everyone else.
Anyways thanks for giving me the opportunity to finally get this out of my chest.