Chronic fissures ONLY tearing during dilation/sex (5 months post-hemorrhoid surgery). Feeling completely hopeless.
Hi everyone. I’m posting here because I’m feeling incredibly depressed and hopeless about my body, and I really need some advice, insight, or just some success stories.
For many years, I’ve dealt with two chronic anal fissures—one at the top and one at the bottom of the external part of my anus. Along with this, the external area had a purple discoloration that looked like hemorrhoids. Because of how bad it looked and the constant tearing, I haven’t been able to have anal sex for about 4-5 years.
My pattern has always been exactly the same: I wait several months until the fissures seem completely closed. But the moment I try to introduce a dildo—even a very, very small one, and using a massive amount of lube—the fissure immediately reopens.
I want to make one crucial thing clear: My fissures never open or bleed during bowel movements. Going to the bathroom is completely fine and painless. They only open when I try any kind of penetration or toy introduction.
Desperate to put an end to this, I finally saw a doctor and underwent hemorrhoid surgery. It has been 5 months since the operation, so I thought it was finally safe to try again. I used a tiny dildo, tons of lube, and was incredibly careful... but one of my two lifelong fissures immediately ripped open again.
If I wait 1 or 2 weeks and look at the area, it looks perfectly fine, like there's no fissure at all and everything is healed. But the second I try to insert something, it tears right open.
I honestly feel like I’ll never be able to have anal sex in my life, and it's taking a huge toll on my mental health. Has anyone dealt with fissures that only react to penetration and not to BMs? Is a customized ointment, Botox, or surgery the only way to make this tissue elastic again?
Thank you so much for reading.