Laying in bed recovering for weeks is so fun I get to play games all day
So I have a genetic disorder that heightens my chances of getting blood clots..and I got two in my leg. I was also smoking when I shouldn’t have been and I was smoking pot and nicotine while in bed with my blood clots. I’ve struggled to quit smoking for a few years now and I keep lying to my friends and family that I’ve quit but I kept doing it anyway, I was found in my bed half-awake high off an edible with a pen and a dead fucking vape after coming home from the hospital. I know it’s killing me but I can’t help myself, it hurts so much but disassociating was all I wanted to do and now that I’ve been clean for over two weeks now I still want to smoke so bad and I want to die so much. My mother tells me how worried she is for my father having a heart attack, she tells me how she doesn’t understand why I would do this to myself knowing it’s killing me. I don’t know why I keep doing it either, it feels good I guess? I don’t want to die but I also think that dying would be so much easier, I’m in so much pain and surgery is getting more and more expensive. If I get bad news from my doctor tomorrow I don’t know what I’ll do with myself…my family threatened to kick me out because of the smoking but I know if that happens I will relapse so fast I’ll end up dead from a clot in my lungs or brain before 2027
Pics are from Heavenly Delusion btw good manga